A bit of fun quotes.

[Anonymous]

I tried to follow my dreams, but now I have multiple restraining orders.

[Anonymous]

"I liked your hair better when it was longer".

Cool, I liked you better when you wasn't talking.

[cee-dee]

It is only the auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of Art.

[Anonymous]

When people see you laying down with your eyes closed, they still ask, "are you sleeping?"

NO, I'm training to die!

[Anonymous]

Some days I have my act together.

Some days I spit toothpaste in my own hair.

[Anonymous]

I'm not an early bird or a night owl,

I'm some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

[Anonymous]

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented...

I forgot where I was going with this.

[Anonymous]

"Bathtub" spelled backwards is still "bathtub".

It isn't, but for a second there, you believed me.

[Anonymous]

The beef is so undercooked it is starting to eat the salad.

[cee-dee]

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

[evoman3957]

[evoman3957]

[evoman3957]

[cee-dee]

I think the quote I've always liked was this one.

Mister Churchill, I do believe you're drunk.

I may be drunk madam, but in the morning I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

[Anonymous]

I'm old school. When I wake up my eyebrows are already on my face.

[jd.linklater]

Another from Winston Churchill

Lady Nancy Astor - Winston, if you were my husband I'd put poison in your coffee.

Winston - Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it.

[cee-dee]

If you want peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies.

[al**bear]

[Anonymous]

English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

[al**bear]

In ancient times, Cats were worshipped as Gods;  

They have not forgotten this.

T Pratchett

[Anonymous]

Do you live on Elm street?!

Because you are an effing nightmare.