A bit of fun quotes.

[Anonymous]

I tried to follow my dreams, but now I have multiple restraining orders.

[Anonymous]

My daughter asked me what's it like to have kids, so I interrupted her every 11 seconds untill she cried. 

[evoman3957]

Who has the most experience

The Man who has the same experience a thousand times

or the Man who has a thousand different experiences.

[evoman3957]

The Man who only thinks with his stomach

forgets his brain.

The Man who only thinks with his brain

forgets his heart.

But the Man who only thinks with his heart

forgets everything else.

[Anonymous]

Sorry I ruined your life by asking you to put your shoes away...........

[Anonymous]

You were almost my knight in shining armour.

Turns out you were just a prick in tin foil.

[jd.linklater]

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
 

[Anonymous]

You made me laugh so hard,

tears ran down my leg.

[cee-dee]

Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.

[baybizz]

"When everybody is somebody, nobody is anybody...

  (Gilbert & Sullivan - "The Gondoliers")

[baybizz]

"One gives nothing so freely as advice...

(Duc de la Rochefoucauld)

[baybizz]

"Every hero becomes a bore in the end...

(Emerson)

[baybizz]

"Work expands to fill the time available for completion...

(C Northcote Parkinson)

[baybizz]

"We may find that in the long run canned food is a
deadlier weapon than the machine gun...

(George Orwell)

[baybizz]

"Beware of the man whose God is in the skies...

(George Bernard Shaw)

[Anonymous]

Do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on...

[evoman3957]

In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is King.

[cee-dee]

Marriage basically consists of 3 rings: Engagement ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

[Anonymous]

Never before has a generation so diligently recorded themselves accomplishing so little.

[Anonymous]

Instead of John, I call my bathroom Jim.

It sounds better when I say I went to the Jim first thing in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Was it a bad day? Or was it a bad 5 minutes that you milked all day.....