Earlier on today my window cleaner came round. When he had nearly finished I got the money ready for him. I had a £10 note in one hand and a small leaflet I had been reading in the other. Doorbell rang and passing through the kitchen I threw the £10 note in the bin and presented the leaflet as payment to hm. With a smile on his face he said "Thanks all the same but I prefer cash" How embarassing. 
Anyone had any recently?
I.m fed up of going into the kitchen to ask it why the hell I'm standing in it!!!!
Got this in an email a couple of days ago... 
AGE IS A WONDERFUL THING (No it isn't!)
ROMANCE
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to
get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
_____________________________________
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTRE
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can
guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
_____________________________________
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long
time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
_____________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "
Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Vernon, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
_____________________________________
SUPERSEX
A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say > "Supersex."
She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
_____________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see > over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. > I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red
but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said,
"Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"
Our time will come, if it hasn't already!
I forget names and call people i have known for ages by completely different names!!!. LOL. I was in S*****YS the other day and got my points card out. Stood looking at it for five minutes in the queue,then the woman picked it up stared at it and sort of gave me a puzzled look waving it in front of me. Only then did i realize it was my S******UG beauty points card. OOOHHH gawd. I have had loads of times like this lately . You have to just laugh.
