Might be moving home.. Am I doing the right thing?

[**streety**]

How are you all?

Had a major decision to make over the last couple of weeks and it's been hard.

Last year I was going to move into my Mums home until after going through the finances i realised I couldn't. One year on and our lodger has decided to probably move on, and the possibility of moving there has risen it's ugly head again.

It would mean some more space, the kids would be able to have their own room and with my son turning 11 and going to secondary school, that would be a bonus and we would have a garden...

My really big dilemma has been the fact that if we move we won't be able to stay forever, roughly 7 or 8 years.  If we stay in our flat we have the potential to stay for much longer if not forever, but at the flat we are running out of room. So in time I might find it really hard and have to search for somewhere else, who knows?

My argument for not going was security, and the kids would just have to put up with sharing until it became unbearable, then I'd sleep on the sofa maybe, as it cant be fun for a teenage girl to share a small space with her older brother.. I don't know.
Everyone I've spoken to think that while people have to make do with the space they have, as there is an opportunity to live in a bigger house (mortgage free) even though it's not forever, I should take it.

I should just jump of that cliff and go for it, even though I have no idea what will happen to us when it's sold (to pay for Mum's care)
So at the moment, this is what I've decided to probably do.
Just wondered if you guys thought the same if you were in my position.

i'm in bits about leaving my little flat, as I love it here, but trying to tell myself that people move all the time.

[chickengrandma-2008]

Neither did my mum.

[dark_castle1]

Streety, my mum was the same never getting ill. She went up the street to get her pension, took a snack into the ladies in the charity shop, came home and made a cuppa for her and my dad, sat on the couch and passed away.

It was golden jubilee day and I was in my house getting ready to come down and take them out for the day when dad phoned to say mum had gone.

I hope your mum does last for years because we all miss our mum when she goes as she is the best friend we could ever have.

[welshtoff]

For what it is worth, I would say go for it too. As others have said, you never know what is around the corner 🙂

[**streety**]

Sadly I lost my Mum mentally along time ago, she doesn't know that I'm her daughter anymore, however she is still here and I can see her and touch her and for that I'm grateful, even though we were never really close

[hightara]

i would suggest you go for it too all things considered....... i would have dearly loved to have gave our ones more space.....but i know (hope:^O) they will be moving on in another couple of years.

its a very hard decision streety, but as the others have said, you never know what will happen in the near future..

go make some new memories and let the kids and yourself enjoy some privacy:-x

[dark_castle1]

Somewhere deep within her streety she DOES know you are her daughter but because of a short circuit somewhere is unable to let you know. She just cannot get to the part of her that knows you and get it to the fore.

Somehow somewhere within she does realise and enjoys your visits and you will forever be carried within her heart and mind as her daughter.

[ilove2patch]

Who has power of attorney for your Mum streety? Perhaps something could be done about the ownership of your flat if it is what your Mum wanted?

[wizilizi]

I know nothing about the ins & outs of this but I concur with Patch

With a lot of decisions, there's no absolute right or wrong decision.  We can only make the best decision we can at the time

You're pondering all the why's & wherefores, & asking for opinions, which will help you in your decision making.  Whichever way you choose, Streety, I wish you strength at this tough & uncertain time xxxx

[mandymoosie]

Streety I too say go for it 😄

Your circumstances may change in the future, new rules could come out regarding how people pay for care, more of less, anything is likely to change and then you could well have missed a big opportunity 😄

On the plus side, you're gaining more much needed space, a bedroom for each of your children, who are both fast becoming teenagers and will need the privacy, a garden that you will all get much pleasure out of and be without the stress of all living on top of each other, the quality of all of your lives will be much better, which will in turn, make you all much happier 😄

I do fully understand that it's a gamble, but I think in very much the same way as Maggie (Patch) in that I live for the here and now and if you can improve yours and your children's here and now, then go for it 😄

Allow yourself to take this opportunity Street, you so deserve some happiness and this will give you some happiness 😄

We'll all be here to support you whichever way you decide to go :-x

[**streety**]

Thank you.  Some very kind words there from you all.

My brother and I have EPA and have done since her diagnosis otherwise nothing could have been done to keep her in her home as long as she was.  My brilliant thinking dad set it up years before his death (as a just in case thing) so all we had to do was register it.

We have been all through the the legalities of everything, we have to apply through the courts before we do anything major with her money (serious house repairs etc)  As we are able to make decisions, the courts have to make sure her family are not fleecing her for every penny, and quite rightly so.

Putting the flat in my name is again fee avoidance - taking HER money from her which would be used in her best interests, after all we have to remember that it is her money not ours. 
As Mum is no longer able to express her wishes, it is too late.

[bankhaunter]

If you are thinking of selling the flat to provide nursing home fees for a period of time with the possibility of selling the house in the future to do the same, there is a very sad fact you need to take on board.

That is few nursing home residents survive for more than a matter of months and very few for more than a couple of years, though obviously that will depend on the particular circumstances of the individual.

I'm really sorry to put it so bluntly but I think it is a factor in making your decision.

[**streety**]

Well one of the homes need to be sold to pay, she doesn't get it free.  Mum was 69 when she went in a home because of severe alzheimer's, they are some that survive past expectations.  The average is about 10-15 years upon diagnosis, some I know have lived with it for 20 years  Some are not so lucky.   Its a case of how longs a piece of string

[merc1_clocks]

Ahh streety, I really feel for you...what a hard decision to make, & under awful circumstances.

I can only think that , right now, your children need that bit of privacy, & you have to think of them.

I'm so sorry that your mum doesn't seem to know you - I can't imagine how that feels.

My thoughts are with you x

[bankhaunter]

Well one of the homes need to be sold to pay, she doesn't get it free.

Not only does she not get it free but you might find she is subsidising those whose costs are paid for by the state.

Have you had advice from those with all the info, I know things are a little different now than they were when my mother went into a care home.

[**streety**]

I know that she did subsidise those who couldn't pay in her last home.  I know exactly how the cruel system works.   The fee's for those who are unable to pay are far lower than those who can.  It's not advertised but I did some digging and through my work at the alzheimer's society I was able to find out.

My Mum had to be moved and we fought hard to get her a place where she is now.  It was a long battle, but for a time we won Continuing care on the grounds of her challenging behaviour in the agreement we moved her.  The place she is in now wasn't somewhere that excepts funded people period..

We fought long and hard and won, because we believed this home was right for her and we were right.  We were so right that she is so happy that her behaviour is no longer a problem and therefore we lose the funding.

[**streety**]

When I say we, it was actually just ME!  However my brother did attend the meetings and agreed with me when I showed him the home I had found

[bidder.17]

The short answer for what it's worth is I would agree that moving seems the better option.
Most of don't like change or to lose a home, but in doing so you keep your mum's for a while at the very least and can enjoy more comfort.

What you know and have calculated, is the amount of years the sale of the flat would buy. What you can't know is the amount of years your mum may need care. If it was for many years, more than the sale of the house would provide, then presumably the flat would also be sold.  There is a chance after toughing it out in less spacious conditions, the flat may still need to be sold later on.

Keep the house and in absolute money terms, it's likely to appreciate more than the flat over an 8 year period, so leaving a greater amount that may or may not leave enough to buy something else at some future date.

What you do know is that for those 8 or so years, you can enjoy the comfort of more space, in your mums house, with all that entails. Enjoy life whilst it's there, that's all any of us can do really, and best of luck whatever you finally decide.

[**streety**]

bidder.  
Thank you very much.  Wise words to read after what has been another sleepless night of worry.

What you said has been incredibly supportive, informative and has thrown up one thing I hadn't considered.

Yesterday, it was confirmed that our lodger will move in two weeks time, and so I will start the process of moving in.   No looking back

[brynteg11]

good luck, streety, in whatever you choose to do:)

[chickengrandma-2008]

Yes, All the best streety, I'm sure it's the right thing to do.  I hope you'll look back in five years time and think, I'm sooo glad I took the plunge!  😄