Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't or couldn't have?

[alisonsvintagechicboutique]

Sensitive subject I guess but would love to hear your experiences good or bad if you would like to share  :-x

Particularly how you got over the other person (if you did...) and how the whole experience affected you. 

[chickengrandma-2008]

But it won't be good for you.  Try and let it go, it's you that's suffering. 🙂

[alisonsvintagechicboutique]

Yes everyone is very welcome to come to mine bring pjs and sleeping bags too !! :-x

This subject is hard to talk about full stop to friends, family and even on here.

Basically on a normal uneventful day I met someone and literally got struck by lightening and my life would never be the same again.  The changes I subsequently made in my life were because of that 'lightening strike'  I have no idea why I was so affected by this person or why my feelings were different to anything that I had felt before.  I just woke up and thought I cant stay in the life I have even though I cant be with this other person. 

What this person did is gave me a benchmark.  This was chemistry so strong that if I never have it again I will die happy knowing that I had a glimpse of true love and will never again settle for 2nd best. 

[bitsnknots]

CG, I'm not being funny here but what my father wants me to do is replace my natural mother with the thing he is now married and there's no way I'd do that.  

About 10 years ago, my dad had to have a kidney out due to cancer.  When they transferred him to the ward from High Dependency, the hospital told me which ward my dad had been transferred to.  The thing rang me and told me he'd been put on an entirely different ward. She said that they must have moved him after she'd been to see him the night before.  When I saw my dad, I asked him which ward he'd been transferred to from HDU, and it wasn't the one the thing told me but the one the hospital had told me.  The thing is she'd never been to see him the previous night.

I still see my dad about every couple of weeks or so but I don't see why I should have anything to do with that thing he's now married to.

[bitsnknots]

Also meant to add, that both my mum and I have moved on and come a long way since my dad left and we have a good life without him.

[kiss*my*pixel]

Oh, Alison 😞

Reading between the lines (and I may be completely wrong, here, of course), but sounds like you did fall in love with someone you shouldn't have. Did he belong to someone else? In which case, you did settle for second best, and you shouldn't have.

The lightening bolt may have hit you, but not him. You need one that gets you both. Lightening strikes are strange things. :-x

[shelly180]

In early twenties I was head over heels in love with a boy.

But he was going out with a girl.

At a party he made a pass at me, but being a person of high morals (lol)

I said "this isn't right" and extracted myself from his arms.

Thing is, I found out later that he wasn't going out with the girl and that they

were just best friends, but by that time it was too late.

I sometimes wonder what might have been as he truly was one of the nicest men I

have ever met in my whole life!

[fishpieface]

I volunteer to drive the coach!  *Puts hands up and says "me, me,me!"

Might be a bit late now as you'll all be there, having given up waiting for me, eaten all the choccies, drunk all the wine and watched all the films!!

Seriously though, I am very lucky indeed I think, I married the first and only person I loved (in that way) and we'll have been married for 31 years in September.  It must be so very, very hard when things go so wrong or when we can't have the person we are certain we are "meant" to be with for whatever reason.

I didn't mean that to upset anyone, by the way.

Hugs, and enjoy the party!

Fishy

[wizilizi]

I too have been incredibly fortunate, Fishy - met at 19 & still married - 33 yrs this Autumn

His Mum became an instant Mum to me & supported us through thick & thin

It seems to be very much a matter of luck - we've been through some exceedingly tough times for sure (once 4 children came along, & illness struck 😐 ) but if you're both able & willing to compromise & be accepting, you can get through to great times

So far (ask me in another 33 years ?:| )

[chickengrandma-2008]

Same here.  Met, 3 months later engaged, 8 months later married. I was 19/20 he was 20/21.  45 years later here we are, happy as ever.  There was no lightning though, perhaps that would have burnt out as quick as it occured, more a rumbling of thunder!:^O

[merc1_clocks]

You are indeed very lucky ladies...but then you are very lovely ladies :-x

[ilove2patch]

Very lucky.:-)

[kiss*my*pixel]

Alison - hope you're okay :-x

You didn't come back to your thread 😞

[mitzigirl_123]

If any of these encounters were meant to be then they would have happened and you would be with that person now come what may. 

I think we've all had similar experiences but at the end of the day, you go along with what is right at the time, we can all look back and say "what if" and "if only" - all I will say is that you don't know someone until you live with them (and they with you) and until and unless that is experienced any "long lost loves" or "lost opportunities" you will always hold out a burning candle for them.

I too have held a candle for someone ... and some 30 years on ... that person actually turned out to be a very unpleasant character ... would they have been that way with me?  Who knows, but I consider myself fortunate that I didn't invest my time in them.

Love's pleasure lasts a moment, love's sorrow lasts all through life!

[petitecalicocat]

 " If any of these encounters were meant to be then they would have happened and you would be with that person now come what may. "  ...totally agree with you mitzi, still hurts at the time though !

[alisonsvintagechicboutique]

I'm ok thanks Pix :-x  well ok as I can be.....

Mitzi your post is interesting to me.  I understand it totally or at least my head does.   Heart just said 'pah'!!

[alisonsvintagechicboutique]

Sorry I read that back and it sounded flippant 😐   Just trying to summarise how I feel.  I must shout at myself at least ten times a day for feeling the way I do. 

[*chez*]

I fell in love with someone I shouldn't have...

it's our 12th wedding anniversary in August....

[merc1_clocks]

Alison...

always remember - a hungry heart will swallow any line.

[mitzigirl_123]

I think you have to be realistic about what it is you want out of life.... I have kissed a few frogs thinking they would turn into Princes but alas they turn out to be toads which is fine for them but not for me.

I have also said goodbye to what I thought was a toad but turned out to be a Prince and have kicked myself afterwards!

First and foremost I believe you have to know yourself and be content with who and what you are and know your personality traits good and bad before you can have a successful relationship with anyone.  Some people are happy with the decisions and life choices they make and just get on with it without question or regret, others are always looking for that "moment" or "feeling". 

My life's experiences have taught me that that you cannot rely on another to compensate how you feel or fill a void made even harder if your life has been complicated.

We are multi complex people and I believe the secret to sustaining a “level” of happiness is to have as many people in your life that you can reasonably manage who will sate your every mood – someone you can call upon when you just want to laugh, someone when you just want to cry, someone to dance the night away with, someone to flake out on the sofa with and eat crisps. 

It is a mighty tall order to expect someone to be all those things rolled into one but as I said earlier and from reading some of the replies on here… some have found their nirvana and life long partners. 

We all have our limitations on who and what we can be to another and of course it is unfair to put pressure on another person to understand you fully and satisfy your every need.

Everybody changes and so do feelings.

Who is to say that the lost love of your life would have been that perfect partner in life?  That is something you will never know and you are left with the images and emotions trapped in that moment of time.  It is also true to say that whilst that person may have been the love of your life, how can you guarantee that you were there’s?

You either have to make the best of what you’ve got and whilst I don’t know your circumstances, if the person in your life is making you unhappy or you have outgrown them and need more, then listen to yourself, believe in yourself and move on.

More often the case, the grass is not always greener but if you don’t jump the fence, you will always hanker for the unknown and what ifs.

[mitzigirl_123]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdSnwufjKtc