Is It Ever OK To Shout At Someone Else's Child?

[lambsy_uk]

I heard this question asked on the radio today in the wake of an incident in a restaurant in USA where a cafe owner shouted at a child after the parents had failed to keep them quiet.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3168500/Diner-owner-defends-yelling-2-year-old-stop-crying.h...

I have shouted at a child on at least one occasion, other times I have at least spoken to them sternly telling then to decist from doing something.

The time I shouted at a child was about 2 years ago when I was in an outdoor play area with my girls. A young boy of about 4 or 5 years old was throwing handfuls of gravel around and much of it was hitting other children. I told him in forthright manner to pack it in and so he did, for a while. A boy of about 10 who had been taking a peppering while sitting on a ride thanked me. However a minute or two later the boy started to throw gravel again with me not far away and so I shouted "I SAID PACK IT IN", at which he ran off with his tail between his legs.

I was half expecting to be confronted by a parent or two but it didn't happen.

So what's your opinion on chastising other people's children?

[upthecreekyetagain]

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@lambsy_uk wrote:

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Parents are still to blame even if a few bad apples are at the heart of the problem. With my children the buck stops with me, if I don't know what my kids are up to and what influences they may be under then that is my fault and I believe the same applies for all. Kids are the responsibility of parents until they are 18.

All decent respectful dwellers should be responsible for their children and not turn a blind eye to the ill behaviour of others, in my opinion!

If you just point fingers elsewhere we are unlikely to get anywhere and so I point the finger right back at me if a child of mine does something wrong, I expect others to do the same! Blaming system creators is a cop-out!

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That is the answer that those who have children that get into trouble want to ignore.  The bottom line is that the way your child behaves is your responsibility.

[lambsy_uk]

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@upthecreekyetagain wrote:

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@lambsy_uk wrote:

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Parents are still to blame even if a few bad apples are at the heart of the problem. With my children the buck stops with me, if I don't know what my kids are up to and what influences they may be under then that is my fault and I believe the same applies for all. Kids are the responsibility of parents until they are 18.

All decent respectful dwellers should be responsible for their children and not turn a blind eye to the ill behaviour of others, in my opinion!

If you just point fingers elsewhere we are unlikely to get anywhere and so I point the finger right back at me if a child of mine does something wrong, I expect others to do the same! Blaming system creators is a cop-out!

---

That is the answer that those who have children that get into trouble want to ignore.  The bottom line is that the way your child behaves is your responsibility.

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________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Absolutely! I take great pride in my children, the nice things teachers say about them, the comments over the years when strangers in restaurants have said how well behaved they have been and I love the bright, cheery and thoughtfull personalities they display.

But if I am to take credit for this I must also accept responsibility for anything that's poor!

I see my personality in my children; my manners, my respect, my playfulness, my confidence and humour, and perhaps my moodiness, subourness and untidyness. (if there is such a word)

I also see other parent's personalities in their children (surprisingly enough) and unfortunately it's not all good.

There's a line from a movie that's a favourite of mine; "Follow a stupid kid home and see if someone stupid don't answer the door!"

Sums things up well for me. (Extra kudos if you can name the movie)

[joamur_gosof]

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@upthecreekyetagain wrote:

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@lambsy_uk wrote:

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Parents are still to blame even if a few bad apples are at the heart of the problem. With my children the buck stops with me, if I don't know what my kids are up to and what influences they may be under then that is my fault and I believe the same applies for all. Kids are the responsibility of parents until they are 18.

All decent respectful dwellers should be responsible for their children and not turn a blind eye to the ill behaviour of others, in my opinion!

If you just point fingers elsewhere we are unlikely to get anywhere and so I point the finger right back at me if a child of mine does something wrong, I expect others to do the same! Blaming system creators is a cop-out!

---

That is the answer that those who have children that get into trouble want to ignore.  The bottom line is that the way your child behaves is your responsibility.

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Your point is valid but certainly not the end all....I am not a great parent as we work nearly all hours here,my kids are a credit to me so I am told by all teachers and others....I think my kids have that credit not me at all. I asked them all to respect others ,they do,I am sure if they didn't want to they would not. Having  listened to them on their education and teachers ,I wholeheartedly understand the pretence of such an environment,,none of them credit the teachers with learning them anything, much ...they grouped with others who wanted to learn and got themselves into third  year and second year uni...lots of time without parents ,I did show them how much I loved them and respected them and they say they did it not to let me down (I don't remember asking any of them to be A grades especially as I am thick .

However my third credit to me along with myself and my partner spent 2 years trying to get her out of the situation the school put her in...unfortunate it didn't work and now ..well we will never know.

The other kids who did not act like my kids were to blame,their parents were also somewhat responsible ..and you are saying the school was not to blame at all..it isn't their job...so I ask you ..was it right to ignore what they knew was happening until it was to late ?  because I have a feeling deep in me ,that says ,

,If you take a child off someone who cannot have a say  and you do not look out for them in your care because it isn't your job and you know the parents will send a percent of unruly into the mix...your a worthless adult and an awful teacher...but hey rules and guidelines  and I am good at teaching key stage 4  hope that helps ..ps point at yourself and dem uvver parents if you need an answer .. Me I am a diamond whose responsibility to those in my care stops at 2 x 2 is 4.

I want a change in this system and I am pointing at the school for that first change.

[cee-dee]

[joamur_gosof]

... What is the point I am missing again?

[jd.linklater]

Two cherries over a blood red moon? Is that a cryptic clue to something?

[joamur_gosof]

probably 🙂

[joamur_gosof]

Does it mean teachers are not responsible for the behaviour of children in their care ? cherries are the kids and blood moon the teachers cop out .:D

[jd.linklater]

Under The Cherry Moon was a really naff movie by Prince from the late eighties. Don't know what that has to do with misbehaving children

[fallen-archie]

Maybe there is a subiminal message ?

It was a mutiple winner at the Golden Raspberry awards, Not that it has anything to do with JGs post.

No doubt all will be revealed in good time.

[joamur_gosof]

I thought it was mars...and it meant mars bars in cherry flavour were being introduced instead of currency /

[cee-dee]

If you read back to #42 (to whom I replied) you'd see.

[jd.linklater]

So it was the Prince movie, do I get a prize?

[******lynda******]

Double kudos, CD

[lambsy_uk]

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@cee-dee wrote:

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Yes Cee Dee, I gave you kudos and here is more as I promised! Double kudos to Cee Dee! 

[upthecreekyetagain]

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@joamur_gosof wrote:

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@upthecreekyetagain wrote:

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@lambsy_uk wrote:

---

Parents are still to blame even if a few bad apples are at the heart of the problem. With my children the buck stops with me, if I don't know what my kids are up to and what influences they may be under then that is my fault and I believe the same applies for all. Kids are the responsibility of parents until they are 18.

All decent respectful dwellers should be responsible for their children and not turn a blind eye to the ill behaviour of others, in my opinion!

If you just point fingers elsewhere we are unlikely to get anywhere and so I point the finger right back at me if a child of mine does something wrong, I expect others to do the same! Blaming system creators is a cop-out!

---

That is the answer that those who have children that get into trouble want to ignore.  The bottom line is that the way your child behaves is your responsibility.

---

Your point is valid but certainly not the end all....I am not a great parent as we work nearly all hours here,my kids are a credit to me so I am told by all teachers and others....I think my kids have that credit not me at all. I asked them all to respect others ,they do,I am sure if they didn't want to they would not. Having  listened to them on their education and teachers ,I wholeheartedly understand the pretence of such an environment,,none of them credit the teachers with learning them anything, much ...they grouped with others who wanted to learn and got themselves into third  year and second year uni...lots of time without parents ,I did show them how much I loved them and respected them and they say they did it not to let me down (I don't remember asking any of them to be A grades especially as I am thick .

However my third credit to me along with myself and my partner spent 2 years trying to get her out of the situation the school put her in...unfortunate it didn't work and now ..well we will never know.

The other kids who did not act like my kids were to blame,their parents were also somewhat responsible ..and you are saying the school was not to blame at all..it isn't their job...so I ask you ..was it right to ignore what they knew was happening until it was to late ?  because I have a feeling deep in me ,that says ,

,If you take a child off someone who cannot have a say  and you do not look out for them in your care because it isn't your job and you know the parents will send a percent of unruly into the mix...your a worthless adult and an awful teacher...but hey rules and guidelines  and I am good at teaching key stage 4  hope that helps ..ps point at yourself and dem uvver parents if you need an answer .. Me I am a diamond whose responsibility to those in my care stops at 2 x 2 is 4.

I want a change in this system and I am pointing at the school for that first change.

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I think you are somewhat mising the point - the behaviour of your children is your responsibility and by the sound of it you have much to be proud of.  Likewise the behaviour of those you describe who attended the same school as your third and misbehaved was the reponsibility of their parents.

Now obviously when children are confined together there will be conflict and unfortunately it is the poorly behaved few that disadvantage the majority by taking a disproportionate amount of the teachers time and attention.  Every extra minute taken by the unruly is a minute lost to actually carry out the job of teaching.

Teachers, or in most cases schools, do not choose who will be in their classes - this is out of their hands - all they can do is make the best of a very poor situation - it is not right to blame teachers nor schools for the poor behaviour of some of their pupils - that behaviour is purely the responsibilty of the parents - all that teachers and schools are doing is trying to cope with the hand they have been dealt.

[cee-dee]

Thanks, they never read things properly do they?

[joamur_gosof]

I would agree if A they were volunteer's or B you have the choice to remove your children until the pupil unruly are removed....neither of these are the case,so  your missing the point.....I do not blame the teachers I blame the system...I point at the school to change,the teachers also have a duty to the care and well being of those children whilst forced to attend. The teachers admitted they were responsible but could do nothing ie in toilets,where they let the kids hang out  (rules) for most of the day  from the stories the kids told.

Anyway ,I see the adult who  has responsibility ,I see you want to give teachers the excuse not to act responsible around children,and I fully without doubt do not miss the point,of where behaviour teaching belongs You really do however come across like you don't want the teachers to shout at the kids and keep their eyes  peeled.

Fact they tell the children to tell them...fact when they were told they said to the child ''oh just ignore them...yep top adulting ...again it was obvious the parent who demanded the kids be forced upon the poor teachers ,obvious the parents who allowed their children to misbehave whilst not being there or even told about it as the school has important stuff like targets to meet,so everything is hunky dory and obvious the parents are in full control of everything.

Thank you I shall now firmly blame myself as I do for letting this school system take my kid and trusting them not to let harm come to her when your absolutely right I should have took control of the situation and not listens to the threats of fines and prison if I refused to send her there.

If you mean I am to blame ultimately then you are right ..why should another adult care  ?

[joamur_gosof]

footnote..I am not making an issue out of parents responsibilities I am having issues ie on topic with adults in general...more so if they are paid and even more so if they cannot see a fault in the system bar ''its all the parents fault''

[upthecreekyetagain]

I would not deny that teachers, like any adult working with children, have a duty of care - whether they are paid or not - the question of payment is a total red herring.

There is a difference between a 'duty of care' and being responsible for a child's behaviour.

Teachers are only human and can fail in their duty of care and when they do should most certainly be held to account - that however still does not make them responsible for an offending child's behaviour - what they are responsible for is any harm that befalls a child because of the behaviour of another - not the same thing.  Blaming teacher's for a child's bad behaviour is simply making excuses for the failings of their parents.