Bill & Charlie's Bar

[bill-xxx]

Hello to all our old friends and newcomers alike. Welcome to Bill & Charlie's Bar - the place to meet other posters and to sit and chat while you sample your favourite tipple. Plenty to drink, lots of joking but alas no smoking.

We are open all hours (hic) and run a respectable Bar. (Although I argued with Charlie until I was blue in the face over that one!) No swearing, spitting or drun..drunk...drunken beeeehaviour (hic). We have a couple of bouncers to hand ~ she comes in on Friday nights.

Teetotallers are welcome and will be treated as normal. I jest ~ soft drinks are available at the bar along with light snacks. And finally, please use the emergency exit when Bill rambles on about the good ol' days and put plugs in your ears when Charlie 'sings'.

Come on in...:-D

[bill-xxx]

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man".

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.” 😮 :^O

[09charliegirl]

Two fonts walk into a bar.

The barman says to them, "Get out. We don't serve your type in here."

🙂

[09charliegirl]

Who appears in cowboy films and is always broke?

Skint Eastwood.

:^O

[bill-xxx]

:^O

Hello Charlie :-x

How you doing?

[09charliegirl]

A man walks into a bar and asks for a pint of lager and a packet of helicopter crisps.

'Sorry', said the barman, 'we don't have any helicopter crisps, we only have plane.'

🙂

[09charliegirl]

Hi Bill :-x

I'm going fer a record......

how many rubbish good jokes that can be posted in a minute! :^O

[bill-xxx]

Hi Bill :-x

I'm going fer a record......

how many rubbish good jokes that can be posted in a minute! :^O

Well I've managed it so I'm sure you can! :^O

Can I get you anything to drink?

[09charliegirl]

An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang.

It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Honey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of them!"

:^O

[09charliegirl]

Well I've managed it so I'm sure you can! :^O

True! It's your record I'm trying to beat! 😮 :^O

Can I get you anything to drink?

The usual G&T please.

[09charliegirl]

Did you hear about the 2 men from the monastery who opened up a fast food seafood restaurant?

One was the fish friar, and the other was the chip monk.

🙂

[bill-xxx]

Your drink, Charlie 😄

[bill-xxx]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

:O:^O

[09charliegirl]

Ooh, thanks Bill :-x

That looks lovely...would you like a drink too or would that be eating into the profits?

:^O

Btw, once Harry sees those jokes ^^there, I think we'll be toast..........:O:^O

[jake*the*plumber]

Or brown bread :^O

Evening both 🙂

[09charliegirl]

This guy goes skydiving for the first time. After he jumps out of the plane, he counts to ten, pulls the ripcoard, and nothing happens.

Only a little worried, he pulls the cord for the auxilliary parachute, but unfortunately, the chute still does not appear.

As he is plummeting toward the Earth, he sees a woman coming up the other way.

He shouts to her "Do you know anything about parachutes?"

"No", she says, "do you know anything about gas stoves?"

:^O

[09charliegirl]

I think you're right Jake! :^O

Evening :-x

Would you like a drink before for the  magnums turn up? 😮 :^O

[bill-xxx]

Ooh, thanks Bill :-x

Ooh, you're welcome, Charlie :-x

That looks lovely...would you like a drink too or would that be eating into the profits?

Well I plunged £49.50 ~ my life's savings ~ into this business so I think I'm entitled to a little tipple now and then. 😐

A vodka & orange would be rather nice 🙂

Btw, once Harry sees those jokes ^^there, I think we'll be toast..:O:^O

Both barrels I reckon...:^O

[bill-xxx]

Evening Jake 😄

How's you...?

[bill-xxx]

A tortoise was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails.

A police detective came to investigate and asked the tortoise if he could explain what happened.

The tortoise looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied

“I don’t know, it all happened so fast.”

😄

[jake*the*plumber]

Cheers Bill, I'm dabbling in  new world wines tonight, do you have a Chilean Cab Sauv by any chance? 😄