Book titles - any more ideas?

[onemorewonthurt]

Elf hypnosis by Si Cologist

[vanjim50]

Lumpy Mash And "Eat Your Sprouts" by C.Inthedark
Don't you mean your long lost GOOD LOOKING twin?

[paulamanda3419]

Slumdog millionare

[vanjim50]

That's A Strange One by Miss Terri Posting

[vanjim50]

The 21st Century Diet by Maureen Umbers

Short visit,been and gone.You never saw me,right?

[lindum-49]

Obsessed With Dieting By Gaz Tricband



.....picked up one of those red postman rubber bands and wound it tightly round my middle finger thinking it would help me loose weight......surprise surprise it did.......my middle finger fell off after just three days!..........I wasn't here either

[lindum-49]

Do You Think The Older Generation Is Ignored For Safe Sex Advice? By Juan C Aweek


As its Friday............

The only cow in a small town in Scotland stopped giving milk.
The town folk found they could buy a cow in Wales quite cheaply.
They brought the cow from Wales and it was wonderful,
produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.

When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.

If he attempts from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,

"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Wales?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Wales.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said ...

"How did you know we got the cow from Wales?

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye ...

"My wife is from Wales"

[lindum-49]

Killing The Art Of Conversation By Ian Ternet


As it's still Friday........


One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat shirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me: "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back: "Manchester United.”

And they say blondes are dumb.

[lindum-49]

I Believe In UFO'S And The Rest Of Them By Al Farbet



...I still wasn't here.....in case the Welsh are looking for me........

[vanjim50]

Friday Laughs by Joe King-Apart

My wife was waiting for the bus in Birmingham during the rush hour.When her bus arrived it was already tightly packed.As she squeezed onto the bus,the driver said "I'm jam packed full".My missus said"i don't care what your name is,a single to Sutton Coldfield please"!!!

[lindum-49]

SHOCKING DISCOVERY IN MANCHESTER By Moore Themerrier


Police in Manchester last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 2000 semi-automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 20 tonnes of heroin, £50 million in forged UK banknotes and 25 trafficked Ukrainian prostitutes, all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library in Moss Side.

Local residents were stunned.

A community spokesman said: "We're shocked. We never knew we had a flipping library!"

[lindum-49]

Friday Evening News Flash By Lew Calraydeeo


63 illegal immigrants died in Bradford this morning. It was not a terrorist attack — a bunk bed collapsed.
The police are blaming AL IKEA.

[lindum-49]

Product Placement By Ed Lines


I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new childrens' iPod after realising that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

[lindum-49]

So It's Goodnight From Me, And It's Goodnight From Him By Juan Fortheroad



......a rather large pothole was interviewed today on the M6 motorway. It complained of being depressed, over worked and unloved. The BBC reporter was heard saying that he knew how it felt.....

[vanjim50]

The Devil Take It by B.L.Zeebub

A large hole has appeared outside the police station.A spokesman said "We are looking into it"

Someone has stolen all the toilets from the police station.A spokesman said"We have nothing to go on"

[lindum-49]

The Last Friday Of July By Sal A Reeyday


.....Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, “He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place..... smack his bum again!”

[lindum-49]

Is It The Weekend Yet By Rolan Saturday




.....We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[lindum-49]

The Long, Long Morning By Ned A Break



And Finally - - An answer we can all understand:

An American tourist asks an Irishman: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards they'd still be in the flipping boat!"

[lindum-49]

How To Create The Greatest Book Title Ever By Dan O Doyou

[lindum-49]

Wilson's Law Of Commercial Marketing Strategy By Reed Below



.......As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

[lindum-49]

The Law of Close Encounters By Al I Enbeings



......The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.