I think ive written mine before so excuse if I have;)
Bought myself a second hand scooter off my DD's friend, as we shared our car and I needed to get to elderly parents house during the day and hubby had the car.
Thought I was lady muck wearing me new £96 state of the art matching helmet and riding the same colour scooter.
Pulled up outside the Coop on the forecourt and parked the bike to go in shopping, I'd only had the bike 2 days so was getting braver.
Came out put my shopping in the box on the back, helmet on and stuck my arris across the saddle, one foot on the floor. Turned the key and revved the throttle but forgot to hold the brake handle
the bike shot from under my legs up the Coop window and landed up on the back box with the wheels still spinning.
An old Yorkshire man was walking past that I knew and said 'E lass is thee alreet'.......no I said as I scrambled to catch my shopping while trying to keep the bike stood up.....3 people helped me to stand the bike down and I must have shot off down the road as red as a beetroot
The Coop window was ok.
My other disaster was in my early 30's, it was December, Christmas week and I was picking brussel sprouts in 3ft snow, all hand picked in those days!
The farmer had provided all staff with new waterproof all in one overalls, covered top to toe and nice and snuggly and warm!lol
12 o'clock and lunch break so we all settle down behind bales of straw and shelter ourselves from the driving snow and rain and o boy was it blowing a hoolie. We only needed a few more 33lb bags of sprouts so we decided to stick it out then go home.
After lunch I toddle off to the porta- loo, locks the door behind me and undo the press studs down the front then undo the zip of the all in one, by this time you begin to sweat so tugs at my sleeve to get the dripping overalls to drop down past me waist, sweat is now making my hair wet but I just tucks it into my polo neck sweater and think it wont be long before im home. Gets the trousers down and is busy doing me business and as it had been quite a while since T break I needed that PPPPPPPP.....
Pulls me trousers back up and tucks me jumper in to keep nice and cosy warm, sticks me arm through one sleeve then the other but you need to do a little jump to get the sweaty plastic overalls on all in one go..................I screamed as a load of water shot over my head from behind.........AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH ...........I was covered in PPPPPPPPPPPPP
The wind had blown my PPPPPPP into the hood of my overalls........I nearly had a fit as I was sure someone was stood behind me until I realised what had happened:(
My day ended then as I had to drive my car hope sopping wet in weeeeeeeeeee
Oh boy - did this make me laugh - I nearly Pd myself
@dairyview123 wrote:My other disaster was in my early 30's, it was December, Christmas week and I was picking brussel sprouts in 3ft snow, all hand picked in those days!
The farmer had provided all staff with new waterproof all in one overalls, covered top to toe and nice and snuggly and warm!lol
12 o'clock and lunch break so we all settle down behind bales of straw and shelter ourselves from the driving snow and rain and o boy was it blowing a hoolie. We only needed a few more 33lb bags of sprouts so we decided to stick it out then go home.
After lunch I toddle off to the porta- loo, locks the door behind me and undo the press studs down the front then undo the zip of the all in one, by this time you begin to sweat so tugs at my sleeve to get the dripping overalls to drop down past me waist, sweat is now making my hair wet but I just tucks it into my polo neck sweater and think it wont be long before im home. Gets the trousers down and is busy doing me business and as it had been quite a while since T break I needed that PPPPPPPP.....
Pulls me trousers back up and tucks me jumper in to keep nice and cosy warm, sticks me arm through one sleeve then the other but you need to do a little jump to get the sweaty plastic overalls on all in one go............
The wind had blown my PPPPPPP into the hood of my overalls........I nearly had a fit as I was sure someone was stood behind me until I realised what had happened:(
My day ended then as I had to drive my car hope sopping wet in weeeeeeeeeee
I think Dairy deserves an award for the funniest line in this thread:
"the bike shot from under my legs up the Coop window and landed up on the back box with the wheels still spinning"
I'm still chortling at it 
My moment....
Almost 40 years ago, when I was aged 8-9 (and no more) and it was dinner time at my catholic primary school.
A rough and ready bully boy used to nick my hot dinners and being sick of it, I eventually snapped, and told him: "Get lost or I'm telling Sister" (bear in mind that 'Sister' was a strict headmistress nun dressed in full habit)
The boy said: So what, you ****! (yes, it was the 'C' word - sorry folks) Well, I'd never heard this word before, and so had no idea what it meant.
Feeling justified with telling Sister, I approached the staff dinner table where Sister was sat with approx 4 teachers and support staff, and I tapped her shoulder. She turned and said "Yes?" and you guessed it, I blurted out "Stephen _____ just called me a ****"
Even now I remember the look of horror on her face, along with the loud clank of her cutlery crashing down onto her plate while she tried to compose herself.
Needless to say the boy got caned, and I got to keep my dinners from that day on.
I still feel embarrassed about saying that word to a nun, but chuckle at the memory too. (Sorry Sister)
On Thursday I had a call from the school nurse saying my 12yr old daughter was in the sick bay as she had a sore itchy lip and could she be given anti-histamines? She had had an allergic reaction to nuts the week before, so I think she was a bit worried.
The nurse passed the phone over so I could talk to my daughter and I checked what she had eaten. Then I remembered about a new lip gloss we have called "Sexy Mother Plucker" which is lip tingling and I asked her had she put any of that sexy mother f__ on? !! 
(I do not usually say rude stuff!! It just slipped out!!)
I was mortified and had a chuckle.... just hope that the calls are not recorded for training purposes
