Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't or couldn't have?

[alisonsvintagechicboutique]

Sensitive subject I guess but would love to hear your experiences good or bad if you would like to share  :-x

Particularly how you got over the other person (if you did...) and how the whole experience affected you. 

[mitzigirl_123]

Just looked in to see if any one else has posted on here and nothing! 😞

I also re-read my post to see if I had offended anyone and realise that I may have given the wrong impression (in paragraph 5) that I was suggesting that people have different "partners" for every mood swing or emotion, what I should have said and meant was, try and have different "friends" both male and female you can call upon when the need arises - no wonder nobody bothered to reply - you must have thought I was a right floozy and pressed the "ignore" button!  😮

[alisonsvintagechicboutique]

No Mitzi it was a good post actually.  I nodded all the way through it actually 🙂

I am glad I got some advice here because I am actually feeling better about stuff - certainly more realistic and calmer.  I've been spending time with people who are fun to be with and that make me laugh and just generally having some nice times.  I think I am a bit too serious sometimes - need to lighten up!!  Also I had a big wobble of insecurity since February. I've never lived on my own before but I'm starting to find my feet and enjoying life as an independent gal!!

[merc1_clocks]

Good girl...keep strong :-x

[**streety**]

Hey, well at least you've experienced love.  I'm still waiting to know what that feels like.. Yes embarrassingly true, ho hum and all that

[rose2008-2008]

mmmm brave subject to put but GOOD. I am going through wanting someone i cannot have RIGHT NOW and its HARD. It seems to be a sore subject for some i realize that but you cannot help having feelings for someone. I dont set out to do this and i am a very faithful person in fact. Im in Love pure and simple but they either cant or wont let me in to any of their possible feelings for me. Maybe they have not even got any! which i cannot hardly bear to think about but there you go. The more i seem to show my feelings the more they seem to push me away, but i think he needs someone quite badly and does not want it to show. WE ALL NEED LOVE. Any advice though would be welcome on this subject, and i am also willing to help or talk to anyone. It hurts and a lot of people just say " well its her own doing". You cant help who you fall in love with. :-x.

[mygreyangel]

It is incredibly hard Rose and no, you can't help your feelings BUT you can help your actions.

If the more you show your feeling the more they push you away, then I honestly think you need to give them space.

I know it's easier said than done though and I'm not judging because I'd be a hypocrite if I did.

I haven't always done the right thing, but what I haven't allowed myself is the luxury of saying that I couldn't help myself or of making excuses of any kind for breaking my own rules.

[alisonsvintagechicboutique]

Rose the quote i found the other day is just so true...

'The heart wants what it wants.  There's no logic to these things.  You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that.'

One sided love can be frustrating but its very real.  You do have to force yourself to stay busy and fill your life with as many interesting and fun things to do as possible.  I have found 'over thinking' to be detrimental.  I don't understand why some of these feelings occur and when I could not find any answers I stopped beating myself up about it and just accepted the rather random strangeness of it all.  

I know it sounds weird but I started to shout at myself a bit, stuff like 'get a grip for Gods sake' in private and I knew I was starting to get overwhelmed.  Then I would normally start laughing at myself and after a while it mellows you a bit.  I tell myself off quite a bit these days for various things and sometimes surprisingly I do listen.  Its quite therapeutic!! 

[rose2008-2008]

Bless you both and thank you for talking about this difficult subject. Yes your right you do have to give space and i find this awful as i get so Angry then i have to think STOP " you dont know whats going on it could be something awful".  And yes i overthink and wind myself up something chronic, but it is detrimental. I do the same, have a go at myself or even have a sob and get through it. I often say when im laughin "laugh or youll only cry". Im good at putting a brave face on things, and a lot of people who know me also know that. I think im so good at talking about my problems i dont realize not everyone wants to discuss theirs and that its nothing personal towards me if they dont. Hope your ok today girls anyway. Its good to talk to you. :):-x

[mygreyangel]

(((Rose)))

[alisonsvintagechicboutique]

Rose I nearly cried in pilates tonight when there was a song on the stereo and I was listening to the words not concentrating on the exercises!!  Took all my strength to deal with that!  

What helps is thinking about what the other person may be thinking and feeling.  This can help you mellow out a bit and get a bit more grounded.  To them it may seem quite intense and confusing even though they are probably and very likely flattered to have so much attention.  Backing off a bit is hard so you have to keep yourself busy at all times don't do this whilst listening to love songs :^O  If you get through a day without contact reward/treat yourself to something nice.  You actually may find the other person becomes more responsive.  

Despite a fair amount (understatement) of feeling pain and frustration - bizarrely if you ask yourself the alternative to not knowing this person at all from now on or never having met them - the pain is better than not feeling anything and going back to the way life was!!  Well that's what I found.  Thats a very weird concept I know as this has had me doubled up on the floor in pain at times!    

You will laugh at yourself, you will also be cross and be sad sometimes all in the space of an hour or less!  Things do smooth out and become calmer - they have to and after a while its easier to think a bit straighter.  Don't expect to feel a bit more normal too soon though because it can take a while.

Anyway I'm not sure I want normal.  Liking someone a lot is a really great feeling despite knowing that probably nothing will come of it.  It seems to bring a whole new dimension to your life.  

Sorry if any of this makes me sound totally weird!  You may associate with some of it and I hope it helps.  I can't explain a lot about why it happened and I've stopped trying to analyse it too much as I just get nowhere.  But I've re-discovered my romantic side and I love it!!  I've also found that I have been more open and giving to friends and caring about stuff and generally being nicer to people and its been reciprocated.  Believe me there are many subtle up-sides to this that stretch out in random directions way further than the person in question.  

Can love ever be bad?  I don't think so - misguided maybe but never bad if the intention is pure.  Its not a crime to fall in love with someone.  I laugh at my silliness sometimes as I feel like I am a teenager again.  All shaky knees and butterflies.  All I can think is that maybe someone else will feel that about me too one day because that would be truly fantastic.  Treat this as a benchmark and not a goal is my best advice I think.  :-x

[rose2008-2008]

my greyangel ((((( ))))) back at you and thank you.

Alison you sound very very similar to me. When i hear songs certain ones i get teary but i dont listen a lot to them. I think my person likes attention when it suits them and if you overstep that mark they shut down. Down come them shutters!!!!, know what i mean?. I do try to get through without contact. i managed it for nearly three weeks recently then i just got annoyed!. Im not a patient person in anything thats my trouble.

You do not sound weird at all, its nice to talk to someone who understands. My love life has never been normal and i do still love that frisson of excitement when you like someone but nothing has happened yet. I waited quite a while with this one and then approached him tooing and frooing in my head whether i should go for it or not with my phone number. i did and sometimes think perhaps i should not have. Better to have waited for him to approach first maybe?.

Love and relationships come in all different ways , dimensions and preferences nowadays. nothing is the norm really. I just want someone to love me, really love me in every way. Then sometimes i just think perhaps im ok on my own or better on my own.

You deserve someone to love you too Alison. Bless you.:-)

[mygreyangel]

Serious question, one I'm asking myself as much as anything, how much is it the person and how much is it you?

Is the person really all that or is it that you are in a place where you are ready for that type of relationship/commitment/involvement/passion and they just happened to have come along at an appropriate time?

I don't know the answer for myself btw, but suspect there's a bit of both in the mix

[rose2008-2008]

I get very confused at times whether i want a relationship at all?. people always come along when i least expect, at a time i least expect. I for sure do not go around looking at all. this person had been working at the same place as me for a good eight years and i had not really noticed him at all. I have heard of this happening with people in the workplace. i do not normally approach people so maybe it is him?. It feels a different feeling than i have felt with anyone else, i know that. I suppose maybe you mean , "being in love", or " being in love with the idea or feeling of being in love"?. Thats what the old saying is is it not?.

I think i sometimes want a relationship on my terms, I like my own space. Maybe thats why i pick people i cannot have?.

((( ))) 

[mygreyangel]

Funnily enough, "my" person is also someone I'd known well for a long time and thought a lot of without feeling anything more for them.  That both of us have similar experiences kind of lends weight to the idea that it's more that it's about us having reached a point in our lives where we are receptive to the idea than it being specifically about that person

[rose2008-2008]

I feel a bit sad today as my man will not even repond to my texts at the moment. He says he is stressed with his job and it is in london all the time at the present. I cannot seem to make him open up. I do not know if he does not want this any more and is too frightened to tell me, or if he just cannot see me because of work and is just upset by this reason and cannot tell me.:-( X-(

[ilove2patch]

Perhaps if you stop texting him you will get your answer.

[mygreyangel]

Give him some space, let him think that you are not just automatically available to him, that there are other things going on in your life.  People are perverse, something hard to get is always more attractive than something available lying on a plate (figuratively speaking)

[rose2008-2008]

Thank you both big hugs hope you are ok????. ((( ))):-x

[mygreyangel]

Seriously, my advice, based on recent experience, would be to be open to finding someone else.  It doesn't stop feelings from existing, but their importance fades and you get to have some fun :-x

[alisonsvintagechicboutique]

I have to say I have a couple of very nice sociable chaps as neighbours having recently moved to the flat.  As 7 flats share the wonderful communal garden we all get to socialise and its great fun to share a bit of banter and a drink in the garden on nice days and evenings.  When a few of us have our friends there its great fun!   I'm expanding my circle of platonic male friends and its given me a bit of a confidence boost and made me feel a bit less needy of the said 'other person'.  I think I have moved on a bit, I am certainly more rational than I was thank goodness!