Winter Fuel Allowance

[tommy.irene]

Winter fuel allowance WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format: Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment ? A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers. Q. Where will the government get this money ? A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ? A. Only a smidgen of it. Q. What is the purpose of this payment ? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? A. Shut up. Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely: * If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka * If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs * If you purchase a computer it will go to India , Taiwan or China * If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala * If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea * If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan * If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore. Instead, keep the money in the UK by: 1. Spending it at car boot sales 2. Going to night clubs 3. Spending it on prostitutes 4. Buying beer or whisky 5. Getting yourself a Tattoo 6. Visiting a bookie (These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. ) Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night ! No need to thank me...just glad I could be of help.

[Anonymous]

[dark_castle1]

When I get to the age I receive it can I just drink beer and whisky all day and night please ? I have a lot of joint pain so do not fancy going to a carboot sale and nightclubs are far too noisy with that boom boom music.

[**bustysinclaire**]

I am sure yo uh are only joking tommy😌 but I for one am really greatful fo red the winter furl payment, it means my oh can keep himself warmer through the cold winter months. I am pretty certain that most who qualify for this payment use it for such. We are very fortunate in this country that we have a welfare system, everyone pays taxes in one form or another and should it be needed everyone will be allowed the payment.

[023mjc]

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 greatful fo red the winter furl payment,

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Busty  - have you spent yours on beer and whisky already ?

[**bustysinclaire**]

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@023mjc wrote:

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 greatful fo red the winter furl payment,

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Busty  - have you spent yours on beer and whisky already ?

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lol, 

beg ya puddun, I typed that on my new mobile phone lol, I have fat fingers and the letter buttons on the phone are very small and I often make silly mistakes. hehe.

Thing is I realised the spelling mistakes with the phone but you can't edit.

I also have you know I am tea total lol.   xxxx 

[023mjc]

Great minds.................That's the same excuse that I use