Earthquake hits Margate....

[bill-xxx]

An earthquake measuring 4.2 on the Richter Scale struck Margate and surrounding towns at 2.52am this morning. I was half asleep and hanging onto the bed for dear life. No major damage or injuries have been reported as yet.

 http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3092179/Earthquake-measuring-4-0-Richter-scale-wakes-Kent-re...

[fallen-archie]

Police have been unable to prevent large scale looting of several Charity shops as the entire Kent rapid response team are cordoning off an area following reports of an escaped pet rabbit. One report that shots had been fired were denied by police who say the situation remains critical.
Meanwhile residents are being looked after in a tented village and will remain there until the Rabbit has been terminated. One person warned, anyone not concerned about this is stupid, If you have ever been cornered by an angry floppy eared rabbit you will know how terrifying it can be.

[electric*mayhem*band]

OMG ! Not THIS one, Archie ? Eathquakes are as nothing in comparison.

(Displayed in BIG for extra effect).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmu5sRIizdw

*flees thread in abject terror*

[bill-xxx]

We will re-build...

[suzieseaside]

[suzieseaside]

Following last nights quake Mr Logbox has been held in custody in a well padded cell until a medical cure has been found for his severe snoring. 

He will be held responsible for payment to people whose property has been damaged by his earth-shaking grunts. Early reports of the devastation are coming in and may amount to several quid in total.

[fallen-archie]

Have any aid agencies arrived yet?

Embs that Rabbit was no joke, but it also lacked floppy ears! The poor souls of Kent must be terrified

[Anonymous]

[bill-xxx]

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@fallen-archie wrote:
Have any aid agencies arrived yet?

Embs that Rabbit was no joke, but it also lacked floppy ears! The poor souls of Kent must be terrified

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No aid agencies yet, but if the bloke next door starts his petrol mower up again I'll need them! I thought it was an aftershock!

[electric*mayhem*band]

Reuters - 22nd May - 18.37 pm.

Due to the number of SOS flares spotted above the Kent countryside, we can report that the Red Cross are currently flying in food parcels.

More news to follow.

Archibald Barrington-Smythe - Current affairs correspndent.

[bill-xxx]

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@electric*mayhem*band wrote:

Reuters - 22nd May - 18.37 pm.

Due to the number of SOS flares spotted above the Kent countryside, we can report that the Red Cross are currently flying in food parcels.

More news to follow.

Archibald Barrington-Smythe - Current affairs correspndent.

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Hello lovely Red Cross people. I lost my wallet in the erm...devastation and wondered if you could fly me in a new one (It had £500 in it). Also, the yard broom fell over. Thanks.

[fallen-archie]

Fantastic scenes this morning as a crack disaster rescue team from Japan find hundreds of immigrants alive and well in a disused amusement complex where they were sheltering, A Thanet council spokesman said that all were in good health following medical checks, apart from shock and some showing signs of recreational drug use. The council will be find them temporary accommodation until the local Housing association can complete a new estate. Kent Police say that although the arcade was no longer in tourist use the roofspace area housed one of Kents largest cannabis farms and that some minor damage had occured, Chief Superintendent Claud Dimwitty confirmed that The complex was insured and that full cannabis production would be quickly restored.

Meanwhile more than 200 motorists have been fined for speeding in a temporary 20mph zone where hairline cracks have appeared in a short section of tarmac.

[joamur_gosof]

😄 love it 

[al**bear]

Hearing UKIP, are blaming the Quake on the Channel Tunnel

[electric*mayhem*band]

Well McB, UKIP did try to minimise the effect of the tunnel by installing three perfectly good escalators.

[electric*mayhem*band]

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@bill-xxx wrote:

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Hello lovely Red Cross people. I lost my wallet in the erm...devastation and wondered if you could fly me in a new one (It had £500 in it). Also, the yard broom fell over. Thanks.

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Dear Earthquake Victim.

Thank you for your heartfelt plea. We are truly sorry for your sad predicament. However, we regret to inform you that the carrier pigeon transporting your wallet, and the £500 contained therein, was accidentally shot down while flying over a clay pigeon shoot in Lincolnshire.

We do strive to help all those people who are in desperate need, but in this instance we have sadly failed in our otherwise faultless service, and not lived up to our usual high standards.

To compensate for this omission of duty, we are sending you a dustpan and brush on the premise that your broom suffered extensive and unrepairable damage in the fall. This will be dispatched to your local community centre a week tomorrow (Monday), by our rapid response team. Please collect.

Yours Sincerely,

RED CROSS.

      

[fallen-archie]

In the interests of accuracy may I point out that your story about the pigeon beying downed by an errant Clay shot is nonsense and part of an ongoing propaganda campaign by the establishment and eBay Mods. In reality the Pigeon was obliterated by a series of bullets from a Police Marksmans DMR, The police claimed that the pigeon represented a "Real and present danger to the public" And a Mods spokesman chipped in with his concerns that the messages carried by these unlicenced birds posed a threat to the role of moderators and their important task to police and censor free speech. Forensic examination of the Pigeons remains confirm the presence of a wallet however it's contents appear to be restricted to a handful of kensitas fag vouchers, six green shield stamps, some home made £1 coins and a perished condom.