WARNING!! A simply awful "Duck" joke!!

[ronnybabes]

A Duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
 
The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."
 
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman.
 
"I see your ears are working, too," Says the duck.
 
"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
 
"Certainly, sorry about that," Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.
 
"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
 
"I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."
 
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town.
 
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous,"says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."
 
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
 
"I'm always looking for the next job," Says the duck. "Where is it?"
 
"At the circus," Says the barman.
 
"The circus?" Repeats the duck.
 
"That's right," Replies the barman.
 
"The circus?" The duck asks again, with the big tent?"
 
"Yeah," the barman replies.
 
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.
 
"Of course," the barman replies.
 
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
 
"That's right!" says the barman.
 
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . ..........

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"What the Heck would they want with a Plasterer ??!"

[hyperrush]

[right-then-petal]

oh dear

[ronnybabes]

Your quackers!!! .. Hyper 

[fallen-archie]

Oh ducks divine, of little mind,
Your intelligence is lacking.
You wander around on the muddy ground
All the while quacking.
Your eyes, your bill, your curly tail,
Your feathers are resplendant.
No cats with claws or gaping jaws
Would deter your brave defendant!
The way you squat in stinking rot
Seems stupidity in full measure,
But to you, the squishy poo
Is the height of joyful pleasure!

[tommy.irene]

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[artful_dodgings]

There already is a thread devoted to the subject of jokes. Why don't you use that for your offerings ?

[ronnybabes]

Don't want to.

[lucybelle2006]

To be fair, this joke had me giggling for ages, so I think it deserves it's own thread

[jd.linklater]

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@artful_dodgings wrote:

There already is a thread devoted to the subject of jokes. Why don't you use that for your offerings ?

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Yes, shame on you ronny for infiltrating this serious debating board with such trifling nonsense. Can't you see from the number of replies to each thread how busy this place is? Don't you recognise a hive of activity when you see one?

How very dare you

[ronnybabes]

Well said JD

I don't read the jokes thread any more,and haven't for years, and I bet there are others who don't either.

My preference is to make my own thread up.

At the moment RT needs all the threads it can get, so I would personally urge folk to let the Joke thread drift into obscurity, and make the threads their own.

After all, the choice is down to us all whether we want to read a thread, or not.  And.... in this particular thread you got 100% of what it said on the label.  

[tommy.irene]

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@ronnybabes wrote:

Well said JD

I don't read the jokes thread any more,and haven't for years, and I bet there are others who don't either.

My preference is to make my own thread up.

At the moment RT needs all the threads it can get, so I would personally urge folk to let the Joke thread drift into obscurity, and make the threads their own.

After all, the choice is down to us all whether we want to read a thread, or not.  And.... in this particular thread you got 100% of what it said on the label.  

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Here..here..

[ronnybabes]

Tommy, Seedy, and Ronny, were three guys who had a fatal accident and went straight to heaven. When they got there, St. Peter said, "We only have one rule in heaven. Don't step on the ducks!"

They entered heaven and sure enough there were ducks all over the place. It was almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they tried their best to avoid them Tommy accidentally stepped on one.

Along came St. Peter with the homeliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chained them together and said, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this homely woman".

The next day, Seedy stepped accidentally on a duck and along came St. Peter, who didn't miss a thing, and with him was another extremely homely woman. He chained them together with the same admonishment as the first. 

Ronny had observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to a horrible looking woman was very careful where he stepped. He managed to go for months without stepping on any ducks. Then one day, St. Peter came up to him with the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid eyes on. St. Peter chained them together without saying a word. 

Ronny said, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity?"

She replied, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck"! 

[hyperrush]

[ronnybabes]

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any flipping bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf?  We haven't got any flipping bread, ask me again and I'll nail your blinking beak to the bar you irritating flipping bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?

[artful_dodgings]

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@ronnybabes wrote:

I don't read the jokes thread any more,and haven't for years, and I bet there are others who don't either.

My preference is to make my own thread up.

At the moment RT needs all the threads it can get, so I would personally urge folk to let the Joke thread drift into obscurity, and make the threads their own.

After all, the choice is down to us all whether we want to read a thread, or not.  And.... in this particular thread you got 100% of what it said on the label.  

---

 By what criterior are you making the assumption that people don't read the T&I 'Joke' thread ? How do you know this ? Bit of a sweeping statement there, I think. I for one read it, and enjoy the thread.

And trying to induce members to let the thread slip into the void is arrogance and patronising beyond belief. Perhaps the real reason for you not adhering to posting jokes on the apropos thread, is because you feel that yours are by far and away superior. Or it could also be that you simply want to 'be seen'.

[hyperrush]

There's no sense complain. This forum works well in any plataform and not wasting any brandwith.

[upthecreekyetagain]

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@artful_dodgings wrote:

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@ronnybabes wrote:

I don't read the jokes thread any more,and haven't for years, and I bet there are others who don't either.

My preference is to make my own thread up.

At the moment RT needs all the threads it can get, so I would personally urge folk to let the Joke thread drift into obscurity, and make the threads their own.

After all, the choice is down to us all whether we want to read a thread, or not.  And.... in this particular thread you got 100% of what it said on the label.  

---

 By what criterior are you making the assumption that people don't read the T&I 'Joke' thread ? How do you know this ? Bit of a sweeping statement there, I think. I for one read it, and enjoy the thread.

And trying to induce members to let the thread slip into the void is arrogance and patronising beyond belief. Perhaps the real reason for you not adhering to posting jokes on the apropos thread, is because you feel that yours are by far and away superior. Or it could also be that you simply want to 'be seen'.

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The last post on the joke thread - posted at around 9am on the 23rd has had 10 views - your's on this thread, posted 10 hours later has had more than double that many!

Don't we all make posts with the intention for them to 'be seen'? ???

[tommy.irene]

Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes. About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down. Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one. Love, Ma