Questionable Parenting

[lambsy_uk]

Here are some activities performed by parents. Looking at the choices in the bracket; which would you say were appropriate?  (Provide your own ideas if you wish)

Having their child’s ears pierced.

(Baby, Pre-school toddler, Infant, Junior, Teenager, should never pierce a child’s ears)

Using a Dummy

(0-1 years, 1-2 years, 2-3 years, 3-4years, 4-5years, over 5 years, should never use a dummy)

Using a Pushchair

(0-2 years, 2 – 3 years, 3 – 4 years, 4 - 5 years old 5 years and over, should never use a pushchair)

Buying a child a BB Gun (Ball-Bearing Gun)

(Pre-school toddler, Infant, Junior, Teenager, should never buy a BB Gun)

Smoking

(OK to smoke in car, OK to smoke in the house, OK to smoke outdoors, a parent should never smoke in the company of their child, a parent should never smoke)

Leaving Children Home Alone

(OK at any age, pre-school toddler, Infant, Junior, Teenager, should never leave a child home alone)

It is OK to give a child a small amount of Alcohol

(At any age, Pre-school toddler, Infant, Junior, Teenager, should never give a child alcohol)

[margaret*e]

Teenager, if they were inclined.

My daughter when they were children, pierced her younger sisters ears,, took her mind off it by giving her a book to read.

Myself never, though I did succumb by the time I had two children that never slept a full night.

2 to 3 years.

Never.

Smoking, not near children.

Teenage, given that teens go up to 19.

Again, teenagers can legally drink at 18 I believe.

[rose2008-2008]

I think i had my ears pierced at 14. i dont think Ear Piercing is a terrible thing though.

Smoking i started smoking at 15 of my own volition and secretly smoked at home in my parents bathroom and dont know how they did not smell it. But i wished id never started it and am glad ive now given up. I would not let children smoke, NO WAY.

I was allowed a little drink,,but used to go out with my neighbours to a Social Club and i drank there and they did not tell my parents. I would not let a child drink at all. I suppose what they do behind your back you cant do anything about!.

I would NEVER allow a child a Tattoo and ive seen children that have them. Although i suppose that could be done behind closed doors aswell,,thats the trouble really.

I think children do things more openly nowadays,whereas when i was young it was in secret!. And i think some parents let their children do things that they should not do. I have no children of my own but i would be VERY worried if i did, what with Social networking and what have you. There are things on networking sites that are NOT FOR CHILDREN. They should be at least 16 before being allowed on them. I think its 13 is it not??. MUCH TOO YOUNG!!!!!. TERRIBLE

[saasher2012]

I also haven't any children so I'm going by my own parents views & to some degree my own!
Teenager , on the grounds that any younger it's a safety issue.
Everyone starts out saying never, but in reality it's a different story! So I can't answer this one.
2-3yrs because toddlers want to see what's going on around them.
Never, once again on safety grounds.
Parents should never smoke but if they do they should do it outside.
Difficult this one, you have to trust when they are Teenagers but we all have been Teenagers!.
I would never give a child Alcohol in any circumstances

[**caution**opinion_ahead]

As piercing is for life, I think it should be the child's choice, not the parents, and probably not before around 12 yrs.

Dummies - depends on the child, but ideally not over the age of 1 yr if possible, as use can damage/delay the development of speech.

Pushchair - up to 3 yrs.  Children need to walk, and they need to learn how to take responsibility for staying with their parent/carer in a crowd, etc.

BB gun - undesirable, and there are plenty of other weapons that can be played with that don't have the potential to damage others in the way a BB gun does.

Smoking - undesirable, but realistically a parent who smokes is going to do so at home.  Outside should be the norm.

Home alone - from 12, depending on the child's maturity.  If with other children, one should be at least 14.  No child under 16 should be left alone overnight, IMV.

Alcohol - a small amount within the context of family meals or occasions.  Not under 10 (older if the child is underweight or of a slight build) and very dilute till 14 or so.

[lambsy_uk]

OK so here's my take on things:

I hate seeing young children with pierced ears, their mothers say things like "oh she looks so cute". But children are not play-things; they are vulnerable beings who's welfare parents are responsible for and therefore proper consideration should be given rather than "oh I'll get her ears pieced because Courtney got Shania's done and they look well cute"!

We decided 13 would be appropriate if they wanted to have them done, and guess what, my 14 year old hasn't had them done yet because she doesn't want to. Lucky for her she's our daughter because other parents would have inflicted it on her already without even asking!

I also hate seeing dummies shoved in babies mouths, worse still toddlers! Firstly many parents do it as a matter of course with no thought involved whatsoever. They have a baby and they give it a dummy; cus that's what people do when they have babies. Heaven help them! When my first daughter was born my Mother In Law brought a pack of dummies to the hospital, they went in the bin. Neither of my girls ever had a dummy in their mouths and it never caused an issue. Absolutely no need for them, some think it will give them a quieter life but it actually creates a problem when it comes to weening them off it. All so unecessary!

Used a pushchair till the age of 3. Only ever had one pushchair with 2 girls only 2 years apart, so once the younger was in it the elder was definitely walking. I recall sitting in a cafe area at Disney World and a young boy was bashing a buggy-type thing about trying to get it passed a couple of chairs. After he'd succeeded I was surprised to see him get in the thing, was 7 or 8 years old!

No child of mine would have a BB Gun, just stupid!

I'd suggest no one smokes but certainly not parents!

Leaving children at home will depend on the children concerned and the circumstances. A time came when I'd leave one of mine for 20 minutes or so while I fetched the other from some activity they were doing. Probably aged 8 or 9 I'd say. Then came a point when I'd leave one or both for an hour or so, probably around the 10 mark. Now they are 12 and 14 and I'll leave them for a morning or and afternoon. Not been left overnight yet.

Not sure how old my girls were when they first had a sip of an alcoholic drink I had, older than 5 for sure; somewhere between 5 and 7. They'd ask what I had and I'd tell them and ask if they wanted to try a bit. Beer, wine, Baileys, don't recall them trying spirits. From the age of about 10 we've poured them some wine with Christmas Dinner, if they've wanted it. Our elder daughter took a liking to Baileys so we bought her 3 minitures of it at Christmas when she was 12 and a half. She could only drink them at the week end and when we were around. She kept them for special occasions and several months later she still had some left.

I think it's a good idea to let them try things in small quantities rather just say no and make a big taboo out of it. Also give them some responsibility and promote trust.

[saasher2012]

I was very interested in your last answer about alcohol , do you think we as a nation are not on the ball with it, I know in some countries ie, France , Italy etc the children are brought up from an early age drinking at the family table with a meal & they don't seem to suffer as much in later years with problems such as our country does?

[lambsy_uk]

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@saasher2012 wrote:
I was very interested in your last answer about alcohol , do you think we as a nation are not on the ball with it, I know in some countries ie, France , Italy etc the children are brought up from an early age drinking at the family table with a meal & they don't seem to suffer as much in later years with problems such as our country does?

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Not sure I'd describe it as not on the ball because it may suggest they are right and we are wrong and I don't have in-depth knowledge or evidence to suggest that.

My personal belief is there's no logical reason why you shouldn't give your children a small amount of alcohol if they want to try a bit or if they want to join with a toast or social occassion. (which would include a meal) I'd rather introduce my girls to alcohol instead of having them discover it.

As for associated social problems there's probably many factors that lead to this.

[saasher2012]

In theory I would agree with that, what springs to mind that if this is done it seems less likely to be forbidden fruit, the youngster then feels less likely that it is something they might try in secret just for the heck of it?.