Do You believe.........

[evoman3957]

...........in "Guilt by association"..........the scenarios are endless, as are the excuses, no doubt, but on the whole; where are your parameters set. Would you associate with a "Terrorist" if you found out a friend had become one, or perhaps an Internet "Troll" a "Paedophile", a "Benefit Fraudster" etc.etc. would you ditch them as Friends, but excuse them if they were related. Just what would you accept & tolerate and would that depend on who it was from ??? How set is your Moral Compass.............Really ??

[evoman3957]

Well I've only got the one I/D, because I personally grew up years ago ( I blame it on computer games ); what you see is what you get, warts and all. I was just intrigued to ask the opening question, because I find that most peoples Moral Compass is SO ******* UP that practically all they say goes in one Ear and out the other.

[upthecreekyetagain]

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@evoman3957 wrote:

...........in "Guilt by association"..........the scenarios are endless, as are the excuses, no doubt, but on the whole; where are your parameters set. Would you associate with a "Terrorist" if you found out a friend had become one, or perhaps an Internet "Troll" a "Paedophile", a "Benefit Fraudster" etc.etc. would you ditch them as Friends, but excuse them if they were related. Just what would you accept & tolerate and would that depend on who it was from ??? How set is your Moral Compass.............Really ??

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Difficult one - I think there are certain activities which would cause me to immediately distance myself from someone carrying them out - terrorism or paedophilia for example.

On the other hand there are other activities which would not necessarily cause me to end a friendship but that doesn't mean I would 'accept or tolerate' such activities nor that I would keep quiet about such behaviour.

Many a parent has turned their own child into the authorities - not because they no longer love the child but precisely because they do.

[evoman3957]

A totally reasonable view, I agree; most people tend to weigh up the severity of transgressions, on a self created sliding scale. Hypocrisy, as mentioned on other threads & Posts, being high on a lot of peoples list of dislikes, but if we ALL look at our friends and indeed ourselves on occasion; have ANY of us not been guilty of saying one thing and doing another..........at SOME time. If we say we'd never associate with thieves / shoplifters for instance, then knew somebody who stole FOOD, for themselves or their Family, because they had no money; we'd probably make an exception............technically, we'd then be hypocrites. I know I'm quoting exceptional circumstances in themselves, but ultimately it's going to be what we can except in ourselves and justify in others.

[bankhaunter]

I would have to gree as well, the exact circumstances could dictate how one felt about it.

Big difference between a friend confessing they had touched a child inappropriately the one time and wanted to ensure it never happened again and another who made it a habit, seeng nothing wrong with it.

[5129frederick]

If their name was exposed in the newspapers as a result of their actions, not only would I publicly disown them, to rub salt into the wound I would probably visit them in prison - just once, to tell them that they have caused so much shame upon the family, I would be changing my name by deed poll and that they would never see any of us again.  If they were an errant son I could even follow it up by telling them I would be disinheriting him for good measure.  

In my case I wrote my autobiography to exclude two members of my "family" who'd treated me with such contempt all my life, and included an amended family tree where, to all intents and purposes, they didn't even exist.  I then added an addendom stating omissions made have been very much intentional."  There's more than one way to skin a cat.

[wilsonhepple]

As a teen-age, my Mother would often caution me that you are " judged by the company you keep"...

I personally prefer "Birds of a feather, stick together."

[evoman3957]

That's true, although ( like most things ) it doesn't apply to everybody.............people of the same "ilk" tend to polarise towards each other..........hence the formation of "Gang" culture. This terminology can apply to groups of friends etc. etc. where the word "Gang" may not be an appropriate word to use, but the mentality of common behaviour and characteristics still applies.

[lambsy_uk]

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@evoman3957 wrote:

...........in "Guilt by association"..........the scenarios are endless, as are the excuses, no doubt, but on the whole; where are your parameters set. Would you associate with a "Terrorist" if you found out a friend had become one, or perhaps an Internet "Troll" a "Paedophile", a "Benefit Fraudster" etc.etc. would you ditch them as Friends, but excuse them if they were related. Just what would you accept & tolerate and would that depend on who it was from ??? How set is your Moral Compass.............Really ??

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I distance myself from people I know who I feel are of low moral fibre or a pain in the ass.

There's someone I know who I stay away from for the most part, there are times when I can't due to circumstances but on the whole I keep my distsance and I don't ask anything of them. Can't look upon them with disdain one day and then ask them to baby-sit the next! Also they often want to borrow money and are not quick at paying it back so staying away is a good idea.

For the most part though I couldn't see myself associating in the same circles as a terrorist or benefit fraudster, just not the sort of people I hang around with!

My moral compass is very well set; I stay away from idiots and would not associate with people I know to be dodgy, besides all else if you hang around with dogs you get fleas and I wouldn't want anyone like that having anything to do with my family!

[lambsy_uk]

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@5129frederick wrote:

If their name was exposed in the newspapers as a result of their actions, not only would I publicly disown them, to rub salt into the wound I would probably visit them in prison - just once, to tell them that they have caused so much shame upon the family, I would be changing my name by deed poll and that they would never see any of us again.  If they were an errant son I could even follow it up by telling them I would be disinheriting him for good measure.  

In my case I wrote my autobiography to exclude two members of my "family" who'd treated me with such contempt all my life, and included an amended family tree where, to all intents and purposes, they didn't even exist.  I then added an addendom stating omissions made have been very much intentional."  There's more than one way to skin a cat.

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No Christian forgivenes for them then?!

[lambsy_uk]

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@bankhaunter wrote:

I would have to gree as well, the exact circumstances could dictate how one felt about it.

Big difference between a friend confessing they had touched a child inappropriately the one time and wanted to ensure it never happened again and another who made it a habit, seeng nothing wrong with it.

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I struggle to imagine anyone saying they'd transgressed in such a way and wanted to ensure it didn't happen again. Would make me a bit uncomfortable about having them around my children!

[evoman3957]

I agree that there are Certain Barriers in Life, which if crossed once; become easier to cross again..........it's not like shutting your Finger in a Door and saying "I'll be careful not to do that again".

[lambsy_uk]

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@evoman3957 wrote:

I agree that there are Certain Barriers in Life, which if crossed once; become easier to cross again..........it's not like shutting your Finger in a Door and saying "I'll be careful not to do that again".

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I can imagine doing things as a kid, I guess I lifted the skirt of a few girls when I was a kid and copped the odd grope as a young teen, but you soon learn you can't carry on like that and as an adult it is totally inappropriate and illeagal! If you are still crossing boudaries as an adult there's something wrong!

[aernethril]

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@5129frederick wrote:

If their name was exposed in the newspapers as a result of their actions, not only would I publicly disown them, to rub salt into the wound I would probably visit them in prison - just once, to tell them that they have caused so much shame upon the family, I would be changing my name by deed poll and that they would never see any of us again.  If they were an errant son I could even follow it up by telling them I would be disinheriting him for good measure.  

In my case I wrote my autobiography to exclude two members of my "family" who'd treated me with such contempt all my life, and included an amended family tree where, to all intents and purposes, they didn't even exist.  I then added an addendom stating omissions made have been very much intentional."  There's more than one way to skin a cat.

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Just checking as I can miss these things, but is this a tongue in cheek response?  You don't seem to clarify exactly what kind of 'demeanour' and to what level you are talking about.

If not, then I'm bemused by this response.  Do you mean that if they were not in the national media, you would not disown them?

And if they were in the national media, you assume they'd be locked up, but what if it turns out they were unjustly accused and maligned?

And if you changed your name, but the rest of the family did not, that obviously is your choice, but you could not prevent any other family member from 'seeing' that person again.

I think if, and again assuming this post is sincere, if I'd been a relative left out of your autobiography for such ummmmmmm vitriolic reasons, I'd probably feel profoundly grateful.

With or without, frederick, IMHO.

[aernethril]

It's a very difficult question to answer because simply for me, thanks to the grace of whichever deity or fate one fancies, it's not something I've really had to consider.

I did cut myself off from my larger family after many years of angst and misery and it was one of the best things I ever did and really never regretted it.  I don't like them, and their activities have been less than morally acceptable for me and my offspring, but not criminally so.

It must surely be heartbreaking tho for those who do take the decision to turn in a loved one, or to stand by their family member when they are caught out in some particularly heinous activity.

Even more so for those who've lost their children to brain-washing and face never seeing them again.