Bill & Charlie's Bar

[bill-xxx]

Hello to all our old friends and newcomers alike. Welcome to Bill & Charlie's Bar - the place to meet other posters and to sit and chat while you sample your favourite tipple. Plenty to drink, lots of joking but alas no smoking.

We are open all hours (hic) and run a respectable Bar. (Although I argued with Charlie until I was blue in the face over that one!) No swearing, spitting or drun..drunk...drunken beeeehaviour (hic). We have a couple of bouncers to hand ~ she comes in on Friday nights.

Teetotallers are welcome and will be treated as normal. I jest ~ soft drinks are available at the bar along with light snacks. And finally, please use the emergency exit when Bill rambles on about the good ol' days and put plugs in your ears when Charlie 'sings'.

Come on in...:-D

[**caution**opinion_ahead]

Oh, there is a tennis thread now. That's me on my own here then.

*chats to self*

:^O

'sOK, I can dual post ... being a woman an' all! 😉

*waves from monsoonal Sussex*

See you next door, Charlie. 😉

[09charliegirl]

Oh, there is a tennis thread now. That's me on my own here then.

*chats to self*

:^O

Oi!

Refreshments will be required on the tennis thread, you know!:^O

And your comments about tennis ~ and not just about the girls either!:^O

[**caution**opinion_ahead]

I would have thought the boys would have quite enjoyed the French women's final, tennis fans or not. 😉

What was that poem Clive James wrote?  Something like "Bring me the sweat of Gabriella Sabatini".

😛

[bill-xxx]

:^O

It's the blessed jet stream, Bill ~

it's got itself caught in the English Channel and can't find the exit! :O:^O

:^O

Well Charlie, I hope it doesn't get tempted to come ashore on the sandy shores of Margate! 😮

But with enough wind coming in the opposite direction from the French, (and there's plenty of that!)  :^O  it could end up disappearing up its own porthole 😮 :^O

And as Delboy would say "La plume de la tante!" :^O

[bill-xxx]

Oi!

Refreshments will be required on the tennis thread, you know!:^O

And your comments about tennis ~ and not just about the girls either!:^O

So what you're saying, Charlie, is that you want ME, the landlord, to fetch?  😮  (My office please!)  😄

And I wouldn't dream of commenting just about the girls, especially the one wearing red knickers the other day 😮 :^O

[bill-xxx]

Ladies ~ I will bid you good afternoon as dinner is ready. Thank you for your company.

Bfn Charlie :-x

[09charliegirl]

So what you're saying, Charlie, is that you want ME, the landlord, to fetch?  😮 

Yes, please ~ you do it so well!

That custard tart was peachy! :-D:^O

And I wouldn't dream of commenting just about the girls, especially the one wearing red knickers the other day 😮 :^O

😮

[09charliegirl]

Ladies ~ I will bid you good afternoon as dinner is ready. Thank you for your company.

Bfn Charlie :-x

Thank you and Bfn Bill :-x

Enjoy your dinner!

[tommy.irene]

The Morning after the Office Party.

Jack woke up with a killer hangover after attending his firm's Christmas Party.

He didn't even remember how he got home. It's 8.30. What day is it? Thursday. His wife must have gone to work.

As he struggled into consciousness through the fog of a pounding headache, his stomach plummeted as he wondered what the hell he did last night.

He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a little vase of sweet peas, freshly picked from the garden.

He sat up. The bedroom was clean and tidy, - there was no trail of drunkenly abandoned clothes, fresh air was coming in through the window and all was serene. He stumbled to the bathroom, also pristine, and, squinting gingerly into the mirror, saw that he had a black eye. This was not a good sign, but no memories were returning.

As he concentrated hard on getting the world into focus, he saw a post-it note stuck on the corner of the mirror. It was written in red, with little hearts on it and a kiss from his wife.

'I'll ring your office and tell them you won't be in today. Breakfast is in the oven. Try to eat something and go back to bed for the morning. There's snooker on TV this afternoon. Take it easy today, hope your eye doesn't hurt too much. See you tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian. x '

He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the newspaper. His teenaged son was sitting at the table, eating.

Jack, bracing himself, asked his son what happened the previous night.

' Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. '

Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order, aspirins by the bed, a nice note from Mum and breakfast waiting for me?'

His son replied, 'Oh THAT!... Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone you slapper, I'm married!!'

Broken Coffee Table £250
Hot Breakfast £3.50
Two Aspirins 20p
Saying the right thing, at the right time......PRICELESS

[**caution**opinion_ahead]

Sweet peas ... in the garden at Christmas?  Must be an Aussie drunk. 😉

[bill-xxx]

😞

[bill-xxx]

😞

:^O

[**caution**opinion_ahead]

That kangaroo is really rubbing it in! :^O  I'll bet their mid-winter weather is warmer than we've got.

[bill-xxx]

They're rubbing it in our faces on Facebook, Caution ~ the blokes and the Sheilas ~ not that there's much difference! 😮 :^O

[tommy.irene]

You have to make this bigger to read it;;

[bill-xxx]

[bill-xxx]

😮

:^O

[Anonymous]

Good afternoon Bill. Don't worry, just start digging in the back of the pub gareden...there should be quite a nice bit of gold hidden..I'll be along shortly. ]:)

[Anonymous]

in the garden even. :^O

[bill-xxx]

🙂

Good afternoon, Harry 🙂

Well if you can't spell it how am I going to know where to dig?  :^O

*rubs hands together and goes orf to hire mechanical digger*

:^O