Bill & Charlie's Bar

[bill-xxx]

Hello to all our old friends and newcomers alike. Welcome to Bill & Charlie's Bar - the place to meet other posters and to sit and chat while you sample your favourite tipple. Plenty to drink, lots of joking but alas no smoking.

We are open all hours (hic) and run a respectable Bar. (Although I argued with Charlie until I was blue in the face over that one!) No swearing, spitting or drun..drunk...drunken beeeehaviour (hic). We have a couple of bouncers to hand ~ she comes in on Friday nights.

Teetotallers are welcome and will be treated as normal. I jest ~ soft drinks are available at the bar along with light snacks. And finally, please use the emergency exit when Bill rambles on about the good ol' days and put plugs in your ears when Charlie 'sings'.

Come on in...:-D

[bill-xxx]

And don't worry about being haunted..... 😐

You are allowed to serve spirits in your pub.....:^O

Well I hope so, Ollie, otherwise I won't stand a ghost of a chance :O:^O

[bill-xxx]

Sorry I missed the last bit, I'll get back to you when I figure out a drink that can be classed as something Northern.:-x

I look forward to your return, Margaret. If you can't come up with anything northern then maybe a nice southern pansy lager? :^O

I said that before you got the chance! :^O pfft!

[bill-xxx]

I feel the presence of Embsie in my water 😮

Keep your eyes peeled, Harry. And sit on the bar bell :O:^O

[Anonymous]

Thank you Sir..that is lovely...just having a break. 🙂

Snipe? 😮

See I can still hit target with my eyes closed...B-)

Embsie...embsie....come to mama...

[bill-xxx]

Go get 'im, Harry

:^O

[Anonymous]

]:)

Break over..but I have eyes in the back of my head....B-)

[bill-xxx]

🙂

Break over..but I have eyes in the back of my head....B-)

😮

Must you always remind me of my failures as dr-what? X-(

:^O

[bill-xxx]

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work.

By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.

"What took you so long to answer?" he said.

"I was in bed."

"What were you doing in bed this late?"

"Getting a second opinion." 😮

😄

[bill-xxx]

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for £600.

The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."

The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

🙂

[tommy.irene]

Hi Bill give me a whisky and a beer for my mate Ryan Giggs he needs someone to talk to..

[geographically*challenged]

A cuppa char please Bill.

[bill-xxx]

One cuppa for Tim...:-)

Sorry about the delay

[geographically*challenged]

Ta mate.

[bill-xxx]

Hi Charlie :-x

[09charliegirl]

IT Problems?

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend. In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programmes, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Rugby, Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and House cleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.......................................................

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System.  Please enter the command: 'http: IThought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears. Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember - overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in thebackground that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband. In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

:^O

[tommy.irene]

I hear Imogen Thomas has been trying to break into the music industry for the past 6 months, she's regularly been doing Giggs in Manchester... and give me a whisky..

[tommy.irene]

Icame in at 7.30pm last night and got served at 9.30pm..the service is slow here,,, do you need a part time barman..

[tommy.irene]

Scientists found those who drink a moderate amount of alcohol are 30 per cent less likely to develop dementia and 40 per cent less likely to suffer Alzheimer's.

[tommy.irene]

Thanks for the drink Tommy..have a whisky on me

[tommy.irene]

No more Tommy i have to meet the Queen..