The Jokes Thread

[chris250chris250]

I`m fed up with the excuses women give to avoid having sex.................

I`ve got a headache........

I`m washing my hair.........

I`m tired........................

I`m your sister!

[madamwhiplashk]

Biggest joke is what ebay have done to the groups!:-p

[repairexpert]

Can't argue with that. 😞

[mamarosie2010]

:^O same here

[repairexpert]

The Divorced Barbie Doll

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.

[repairexpert]

I've bought one of these new 3D TVs. They are so realistic.

I fell asleep watching the Liverpool match and when I woke up my wallet had gone.

[whatsmarkodoing]

pmsl *snatched and put in the liverpool football group *

[madamwhiplashk]

lol i love them!

[shade-the-changing-man]

I was walking through ASDA last night when somebody hurled a block of cheese at my head.  I thought to myself, "That's not very mature."

[shade-the-changing-man]

It was great to see the smiling faces on the people rescued yesterday.  Their little grubby faces lit up with hope for the future....

Mind you I still think that Everton will stuff them 2 - 0 on Sunday.
:^O

[shade-the-changing-man]

X-Factor fans!  If you're missing Gamu, don't worry!  From next Wednesday you'll be able to sponsor her for £3 a month.

[shade-the-changing-man]

Gary Glitter is reportedly in Chile now.  It's the only place where you can slide a minor up and down your shaft and get applauded.

[shade-the-changing-man]

An Indian athlete has been shot in the head at the Commonwealth Games by a starting pistol!  Police fear that it may be race related.

[shade-the-changing-man]

Muslim Terroists have been on the rampage in Leicester City Centre today, killing anyone they find who is English.  Police fear that the death toll may be as high as five.

]:)

[shade-the-changing-man]

A Mulsim Terrorist runs into a pet shop, puts a bomb on the counter and shouts, "Everyone has one minute to get out!". 

The tortoise at the back shouts, "You're a cunt!"

[shade-the-changing-man]

A bloke came into the pub last night, black shirt, black shorts, whistle.

I thought to myself, "Bloody hell!  Looks like it's all going to kick off."

[shade-the-changing-man]

I was checking into a hotel the other week.  Guy in front of me said to the receptionist, "I hope that the porn channel is disabled."

Unbelieveable what some sickos are into!

[shade-the-changing-man]

Just to let you know that the Premature Ejaculation Society dinner is this Friday night.

No dress code, just come in your pants.

[shade-the-changing-man]

Did you know that clumsy people are more likely to be fat because they keep walking into things?

KFC, McDonalds, Thortons and Burger King to name but four.

[whatsmarkodoing]

pmsl..some great ones for txting