Who's Jesus?

[5129frederick]

A thief breaks into a church.  While he is unloading all the silver, he hears a voice screech out:

"I can see you, so can Jesus!"  He drops everything in terror and is about the run when he sees a parrot, perched on one of the crosses by the altar, and heaves a sigh of relief before laughing.

"I can see you, so can Jesus!" it continues to squalk.  

"And what's your name?"  he asks it, as he reverts back to his sinful deeds..

"My name is Lucifer, my name is Lucifer."  It replies.

"That's a funny name for a parrrot."  He replies.

"What about Jesus for a rotweiller?  I can see you, so can Jesus..."

[hightara]

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@ed_blackadder_1 wrote:

So then it has nothing to do with religion. Why does everything have to revert back to religion. What makes the pious think everything is about religion, with all the **bleep** going on in the world it makes me wonder why anyone bothers with religion. But I am sure I will be corrected.........

Watch this space.....

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Not with me ed............. I was brought up catholic..... went to chapel every day before school  (which was a few yards away) saturday no mass sunday......twice as I gave the readings out.

Was in the Legion of Mary........which meant you had to pray in any spare time

so seven times a week I went to mass.

I dont believe in a god..........whatever god 

But I believe in good and evil and the grey area's

So many people are still being killed in the name of their god..........

How hard is it to be kind to your fellow human beings.

I live in northern ireland... my family have been shot and killed,  because they where a different religion!

[5129frederick]

What a happy, cheerful man you sound!     Reading through what you've just wrritten tells me He's got a lot of good advice there:  Don't worry about tomorrow  - nobody know what tomorrow will bring, so why worry about it?  If God calls you 3.20 a.m.  there's absolutely nothing you can do about, and all that worry about saving fore retirement would have gone to nothing.  It would honl have increased your estate by a few thousand quid.

Don't save money - not many of us have it to save anyway. 

Don't store food for the winter - only a squirrel does that!  Just pop down to Iceland and put it in your freeaer as and when you require it.  If yourfreezer suddenly packed up, all that food's gone to waste and you have to begin again. 

Don't plan for retirement.  My second in command at work worked and saved all his life - he went back to Ireland and died nine months later.  A fat lot of good that did him!  I'm retired, and now the welfare state takes care of me  Live for today - AMEN to that!  

Trust in God - he'll sort things out.  Absolutely.  He has with me, anyway.  After my conversion I kept a prayer diary and I kid ye not.  every single thing I prayed for during that first year was answered.

I didn't get answers handed to me on a plate, but I was most certainly pointed in the right direction.

He created miracles with a purpose.  When He turned water into wine, he didn't do it in front of all the clever-clogs who'd know all the answers.  He performed the miracle in front of the unlearne, revealing His true power to them.  By turning water into wine, what He was in fact saying was:  "If I can do this to water, tasteless and bland, how much more can I do for you - if only you'll let me?"

[wskneil]

With all due respect Fred... what a load of old tosh

[evoman3957]

People can do miracles, on a Friday night thousands are turning Wine into Vomit.

[wskneil]

And many more that turn the wine back into water!

[rainydaywoman11]

Each to their own, as long as they keep it their own.  No politics or religion discussed in my home, except between hubby and I, but not when we have people over.  Never.

[hightara]

I rarely post when it comes to religion or politics..

believe what you want.......... as long as it does not hurt one single soul

double post but wanted to say

hi carol ............Forever

[rainydaywoman11]

Hi Kate 

[hightara]

yep.......... you got it carol x

[bankhaunter]

What a happy, cheerful man you sound! 

I am, I don't regard myself as having born a miserable sinner so I don't have to constantly beg forgiveness for my sins, especially those sins invented by religion, I don't worry about Heaven or Hell since I have absolutely no good reason to think either exist, when I am dead I shall be as I was before I was born.

My freezer might indeed break down but experience tells me that is considerably less likely than a being, for which there is no evidence, will somehow provide for me.

After my conversion I kept a prayer diary and I kid ye not.  every single thing I prayed for during that first year was answered.

Yet millions pray for things everyday and their prayers are not answered, if yours appear to have been, it's what's known as confirmation bias, why give God the credit for the fact you made some good decisions, they were your decisions.

He performed the miracle in front of the unlearne, revealing His true power to them.

Or avoiding his conjuring trick being spotted.

Three women were killed in a coach crash and all turned up before Gabriel who said they could enter Heaven but warned them that God really liked ducks and so there were ducks all over the place and they had to be very careful not to tread on one.

It wasn't long before one woman trod on a duck and found Gabrel before her with a fat ugly man on a chain, she was told she would be chained to the man for eternity as punishment.

Sometime later the second woman did the same and found herself chained to another fat ugly man.

The third woman managed to avoid the ducks for a long time but one day saw gabriel approaching with a young handsome man looking like a greek god and, much to her delight,  told her she would be chained to him.

When Gabriel had gone she said to the man,"I don't know what I did to deserve this", the man replied, "I don't know either, I just trod on a duck".

[rainydaywoman11]

Having recovered from your joke, rofl.  I wanted to say, I would love to see you on Question Time Bankhaunter - so succint and witty with it.  How do you know all this stuff?

Remember the beasties in the flour thread - my pantry has never ever been so clean since your description of them.

I don't know what to believe any more. I think there's something out there, but having lost my little sister 2 years ago and my mother 2 years come October and then me, all with cancer, I question stuff I never did before.

How come if he can perform all those miracles can't he just send us the cure?

[5129frederick]

Read it again and take note of those emoticons.  Except for the last - why Jesus turned water into wine, the earlier answers were somewhat tongue-in-cheek.

I do feel you're all missing the point though - in the original thread, it turns out that Jesus is a Rotweiller, left to guard the church valuables - Parrot:  "I can see you, so can Jesus..."

It's gotta be a pretty dud joke if I have to explain it - I won't give up my day job - Doh!

[bankhaunter]

It's gotta be a pretty dud joke if I have to explain it - I won't give up my day job - Doh!

I do know the joke, it's quite funny, probably one of those better told than written though especially if you can do a parrot voice.

[5129frederick]

I fully understand your questioning of your faith after having been on the receiving end of two personal tragedies and a crisis.  A lot of people find their faith wavering at times like that.  My mother went with "the big C" in 1973, and my father passed away just four days before Christmas 1999 so even with all the millennium fireworks and celebrations, Christmas was a pretty mute affair.  It is something that comes to us all and where people come out with the old flannel:"I know what you're going through..."  it makes me want to grab them by the throat, because the plain fact of the matter is they don't!  NOBODY knows until it hits them personally.  My becoming a Born-Again Christian didn't occur until 2003, four years after my father went.  I cracked up, but it's not something I am prepared to discuss on an open forum.

No condemnation from me.

[rainydaywoman11]

I got your joke from the off Fred, and very funny it was too.

But, as you can see from this thread, even amusing posts about religion invariably bring out emotions in people.

For myself, I have another sister, who lost not only her little sister too, at the age of 52, but her best friend of decades, and she is totally lost.  We speak a lot, me trying to keep her afloat, because now she is terrified I am going to die.  That's my job - I'm her big sister - that's how it works.

Surely you can see that we 2 are struggling with belief in anything, other than the fact that cancer kills you stone dead.  Finito.

I do not wish to argue with you.  You are entitled to your beliefs.  I may not agree with them, but I would defend to the death your right to have them, to paraphrase (badly) another famous quotation.