Some Parents - Honestly!

[fishpieface]

Last night I took some parents to the 02 Arena to watch their children in a youth singing event.

The children had gone up in another coach earlier.

I had two disabled passengers who had asked if I could drop them closer to the entrance, if

possible, but they understood if I couldn't.  I asked the marshall when we arrived and was

asked to drop the disabled passengers but please could the others stay for the drop in the

coach park.  The two disabled passengers got off, followed by about twelve others.  The twelve or so

others then asked where I'd be parked to which I replied somewhere in the coach park, that's why

they were asked to stay on, so they'd know whereabouts I was.  All the others got off in the coach

park as requested and I said if anybody would like to leave their number I would text them if my

position changed.  Three did.

Later on, I'd been moved next to our other coach at my request, so the disabled people had less

distance to walk back and so the children didn't get back to the school before I'd even got out

of the other coach park, which had nigh on 200 coaches in it and only one exit.  Added to which it

was absolutely pouring down and freezing cold.

I texted the three who'd left their numbers to let them know.  They found me, no problem.  The twelve

or so who'd got off where I'd asked them not to wandered all over the place, got drenched, didn't even

make a note of the coach company they were with, then moaned they couldn't find me!  Loads of others

wandering all over the place in the pouring rain, all looking for coaches they didn't even know the names

of, some even appeared unsure of where they'd come from!  Then some of my lot started complaining

'cos we had to wait about ten minutes for one of the disabled people who'd been waiting for wheelchair

assistance from the marshalls - this lovely lady for whom it must have been a struggle to go to such

an event, never uttered a word of complaint and when I commented on how soaked she was she said

it was ok, "these lovely stewards brought me back in a wheelchair and they've been out in it all evening".

The children and their teachers on the other hand were all walking along sensibly, crossing with the

marshalls and being well-behaved whilst their people found their coaches.  I was most impressed,

considering there were, apparently, 7000 of them.  When we'd got out to the road, one pair of daft

adults were crossing a class of children between two london buses waiting at a green light for the

batch of children being marshalled across the road because, presumably, they couldn't wait to get

them across safely.

Then we got going, it took a while to get outas there were still hundreds of children walking back to

the coach park and much care was needed in that weather and darkness.  One of my parents then

commented, "They shouldn't be walking along there like that! Those children shouldn't have to walk

all that way (about five minutes walk), they're getting wet!"  I said they were all being very well behaved

and how else except walking along there could they get to their coaches and home.  The parent

said they should be picked up outside the door (where there is no road and the logistics of picking

up 7000 children right outside the door, even if there was a road, would be impossible).  I did mention

that the children seemed to be doing very well, yet it was the adults who were having the most problems

'cos few of them seemed to note who's coach they'd come on or even where they'd come from, and

it was the adults who were ignoring the marshalls and crossing the road all over the place and meandering

about like lost souls.  I also mentioned that, contrary to popular belief, neither walking nor rain actually

harms children!  We get along the way a bit and one of the parents shouts "f off" at the top of her voice

where there were several infant aged children in close proximity.

We get back to the school, which is just after a sharp bend on a fairly narrow street.  Cue the idiot arrogant

dad who'd decided to park his 4x4 right on the bend and seemed a little surprised that two coaches couldn't

get past him to unload in safety.  When I signalled for him to please move back a little, he did, about an inch.

When I signalled a little more moving back please, he did, about half an inch.  When I wound down the

window andasked him to move back properly as two coaches cannot turn a bend in a space less than the

width of a car, he finally got more or less out of the way.  Brain cells he was born with, where were they?!

We got back to the depot, my coach which had brought the parents - rubbish strewn all over the place.  The

one bringing the children back, not a speck of rubbish anywhere.

Not all the parents were like this, but honestly, you can see why teachers don't always have an easy job,

and it's clear why some children behave the way they do when you see the example - or not - that they're

set at home.

[wskneil]

And breathe!!

[kiss*my*pixel]

Oh, Fishie - I do feel your pain. Used to work as a Teaching Assistant and was the designated mini-bus driver for various events (for 6 or 7 years). A parent myself, but my goodness! can see how some parents are not the full shilling!!!

[ed_blackadder_1]

At work this morning a woman fed her child a banana off the shelf then went round to the fruit snacks and took a packet from the shelf and gave them to her child.  On checking (she had spotted me) she did give the empty wrapper to the cashier and got her to weigh another banana, but would she have done if she hadn't seen me watching her?   I was always taught to pay for things before eating them.  What sort lesson does that teach a child - that it is alright to take things and eat them without paying, it is no wonder children walk around the store screaming I want this and I want that. It is not just that a lot of adults pick up a sandwich start munching on it them go around the store eating it and then hand over the wrapper to pay for it.  Yes they pay but untill paid for it is not theirs to eat.  It is not a good example to show children.

Sorry rant over.

When my son was small he was allowed to choose something, usually fruit and then he would hold it till he got to the till and pay for it himself, he saw it as a treat and was as good as gold.

[rose2008-2008]

I can see where your coming from FISHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Some people are I*****DS!!!!!!!!!!!. Gone is the sense they were or were not born with!!!.

[chips-and-brown-gravy]

Thank you!

I have always been of the same opinion.  I recently read a discussion about this exact subject oa a predominatly US site and it was almost the exact opposite of your thoughts.

'why should you have a screaming, hungry child when you can simply take something to give them to eat and pay for it later' etc etc

No child is going to starve in the few minutes it takes in a supermarket, and why would you take a child out that was that hungry?

Sadly nowadays its all instant gratification - want it now - get it now.

My main gripe is children saying 'I want...' parent says no, child keeps on and parent gives in - what does that teach them except if they whine long enough they get their own way.

That's my small rant for the day over 🙂

[bitsnknots]

I can definitely sympathise.  The health club I go to have swimming lessons for children from 9am.  Sunday's parents are fine but the parents that go on a Saturday are a different proposition.  They get the children changed in the toilets when there is a large changing room in which to change them.  If you ask them politely to move whilst you go to the toilet, if looks could kill, you'd be dead in 10 seconds flat.  Then they stand at the entrance to the pool from the locker rooms.  Again, whent they are asked to move, they will but when staff have gone, the parents go back to the entrance to the pool.  Why they can't go and wait for half an hour in the members lounge beats me.  If the parents go into the pool with their kids either before or after the little darlings swimming lessons, the kids run riot.  The children run up and down at the side of the pool screaming their heads off.  If they're not doing that, they're jumping in the pool which isn't allowed.  Also, they throw things around which nearly hit other people trying to have a swim.  The parents allow all this and wonder why people complain about the behaviour of their children.  You can't blame the children when adults have no idea on how to behave.

[fishpieface]

Gosh Blackadder, that's awful, but I've seen it too in shops and supermarkets - child wants and

child gets, right there and then, parent just plucks whatever it is off the shelf and gives it to child.

Like you I was brought up to believe that something in a shop isn't yours to eat or do anything else

with until it is paid for.

I never allowed my sons to eat whilst in a supermarket, either their own food or food off the

shelves but, if they behaved, they would get a drink and biscuit or something when we went

to the car.  Occasionally we went in the cafe as a treat.

It's like arrogance and assumed self-importance, if children see their parents acting like that towards

others, it's only going one way - they will do it too.

I'm not victorian in values but I do think that children should be treated as such, age-appropriately,

and taught manners, respect and consideration towards others.

Nearly every day I drive up to 70 senior age children to and from school.  At first, as a new school year

begins, they are new and quiet, then they get a bit cocky and try to see how far we'll let them go.  They

hardly ever say hello or thanks.  By half term almost every one says thank-you to me when they get

off the coach, they are mostly well-behaved, if a little noisy and they know that I will help them if they

need it.  I show them respect and they show it to me, I don't usually have any trouble and it's usually

a very happy bus.

[chips-and-brown-gravy]

What's almost even more worrying is Social Workers.  The building I work in is mainly populated by Childrens Social Workers  (we are there by default, I don't work for the public sector).

Many don't flush the toilet after using, leave the seat smeared with all sorts - even more don't wash their hands after using the toilet.  The kitchen is a health hazard, dirty plates, bowls and cups left on the worksurface until they grow mould.  Knives and plates with the remains of food on them are left in a bowlful of washing up water for days on end.  They rarely hold a door for you, letting it slam in your face. If you don't lock the office door you face anything that is not locked down being 'borrowed' and never a note left to tell you where it is. Portable heaters, jars of coffee, reams of paper all go missing as well as office chairs! It has been known that someone has walked into my office (door was closed and they didn't bother to knock) and started removing chairs from the meeting table, no please or thank you. People have also waked in and started opening cupboards looking for stuff while we were in there. A lot of our work is  highly confidential and all the confidential stuff is well and truly secured thank goodness. We do have a name plate on our door which tells them we are not council workers. 

These are the people advising 'problem parents' how to look after their children!  Suprisingly few are married or have children of their own.

[bitsnknots]

I couldn't agree more about children being taught manners and respect.  My Goddaughter's little girl is three and more often than not, she remembers her manners and she is also being taught to respect other people.  I wish all parents would learn how to be polite and respectful as well.

I was in a shop this afternoon and when I said excuse me please to an elderly lady.  She looked at me like I was mad for remembering my manners.  She'd have liked less if I'd have said 'shift'.

[leoleoleo123]

I work in a supermarket and had a similar thing as ed..

the parent gave me the banana skin to weigh... err not much point as there was no banana in it!

And quite often, adults give me empty packets they have eaten on the way round, or empty drink bottles...

[fishpieface]

Ooh Chips, you poor thing.  Don't get me started on social workers!  A lot of the things that seem to

be the way, according to whoever trains social workers nowadays, to help and adjust problem

children is to give them masses of opportunities and stuff because "it isn't their fault".  Children

who behave acceptably often do not get the chances to do these things or get this stuff and they,

perhaps understadably, get a bit peed off about it.  Meanwhile, problem child (for want of a better

name - I know that's not such a nice way to describe them) gets the message that if they just

carry on being confrontational, defiant and demanding attention, they get taken on nice trips,

given nice stuff and opportunities to do good things.

When there is genuine need for badly neglected, traumatised or destitute children, I have no

problem with them being treated to some good things sometimes.

However, I do have a problem with children who, for whatever reason, are very disruptive,

violent, and know right from wrong, they need to be taught values and respect and, maybe,

if they respond with a general lasting improvement in their behaviour and attitude, then

maybe, a reward of a treat.  I believe everyone deserves a chance.  I don't believe they deserve

hundreds of chances to improve whilst, in the meantime, being taken on allsorts of adventures

that compliant, well-behaved children don't get the chance to be involved in.

I know it isn't all rosy for all children and some have no idea what's acceptable and what isn't.

They need help.

When we had very serious problems with our eldest son, we asked social services if they could

think of anything that would help him, our youngest and us.  They suggested a parenting course that

we should both attend whilst they found a babysitter for us.  I said no way is a total stranger looking

after our children and that, though I didn't believe it was the answer, I would go along.  What a farce,

honestly, it was run by this stick-like, suited and booted little woman who clearly had no children

and made her money from telling people what may have seemed like the dream answer but frankly

had no hope of working as we aren't living in fairyland!  They then decided we needed to go to London

to be counselled by what turned out to be a patronising idiot who was so full of how right and important

he was I'm surprised he didn't explode!  The only one who was any good at all, from all the social workers

we've ever met during our boys' adoption and since was an American lady who saw us twice.

A lot of children simply have no boundaries, they have no idea whatsoever about right and wrong,

either morally, legally or just plain old stuff like common sense, consideration for others and learning

how to respect both others and themselves.  Some are never praised for doing well whereas many

are mollycoddled by the social services when they become uncontrollable.  As this increases, I wonder

where our world is heading as we all become consumed by the do-what-you-like attitude.

[guardpig]

On the original subject:  I went to go out the other day.  Car was in the drive but windows needed wiping so i wiped them, got in and started the engine.  Then for some unknown reason I got back out and walked round the car - no idea why.  Just as I rounded the rear back to the driver's side a tiny tot wandered past, all alone.  Now when I started wiping the windows a couple of peeps with toddlers and pushchairs had gone by.  When I looked they were at the far end of the shops, over 100 yards , and could be heard calling hurry up.  Lad was lucky, I wouldn't have had a chance of seeing him and he wouldn't have stood a chance against the car and I certainly wouldn't have heard the parent shouting to him with the engine and reversing beeper going.  He was small enough I might not have seen him over the bonnet going forwards either.

Now, it's a local road, well used, everybody walking along it is local, they know cars come out of drives all the time, not to mention the "pavement" parking and driving by the actual shops and you would think they might look after little "johnny" better!.

[lhasa.two]

Close shave there guardpig... 

I grew up in the times of "children should be seen and not heard" and although I don't entirely agree with that, there are times when it's applicable, mainly in supermarkets!  Some days it's more like going to the zoo with the noise levels of screaming children surrounded by parents who don't seem to bother about it both for themselves and others who have to hear all the winging and screaming.  

Putting that to one side I worry for the parents who decide to give their 2/3 year old darlings choice when buying food. The times I've heard mothers ask them what they want to eat is staggering. One day I was in a well known supermarket by the cake counter. There was a man in front of me straddling the width of the display cabinet with his trolley containing a 2 year old and a small boy. He was asking the 2 year old if she wanted a doughnut or a cream cake... and getting very little response, surprise surprise! After what seemed like hours I politely asked him - through gritted teeth - to make a decision on her behalf because it was evident she didn't understand what the heck he was asking her to do. 

Parents sometimes seem to leave their common sense at the door...

[fishpieface]

Had the same thing Guardpig, when reversing a coach into the entrance to a primary school.

They insist we do this for "'elf & safety" cos the little darlings are for some reason unbeknown to

me unable to walk out the gate and straigjht into the coach.

On this occasion I was just going to back in and was stuck right across the road, waiting for

someone to watch behind me.  Nobody was about so I yelled for the caretaker and chief

see-er-backer to come.  Some parent said couldn't I do it without as I was holding them up

(ahh, oh dear!).  Good thing I didn't as a teeny little child was meandering past right behind

the coach.  Parent too busy yacking to notice.

I said in no uncertain terms that it was highly dangerous, far more so than getting the children

to walk out the gate which every other school manages to do.  I think they are reviewing the

situation.

[guardpig]

"He was asking the 2 year old if she wanted a doughnut or a cream cake... and getting very little response," 

Now I was in a shop today with 2 year old Sproglet and asked her which cake she wanted and she told me and she got it.  If she hadn't answered immediately she would have got the one I decided she should have.  Not that she was getting the choice between doughnut or cream cake - little biscuit or mini gingerbread man!.

Modern parenting!.  Daughter routinely offers 3/4 choices for dinner.  I always found two choices more than enough.  Otherwise they get confused.  Not that mine usually got a choice apart from eat it or not!

[peteryola]

Fishie, nothing would surprise me like that.  A primary school in West Ewell has just had to hire a security man because parents were using the staff car park en masse to drop off in; matters came to a head when a fire engine was completely unable to get in because the car park was totally clogged up - fortunately it was not on an emergency call on that occasion...

[fishpieface]

Yes, this choices thing does get a bit ridiculous sometimes.  I admit to asking son if he'd prefer

an alternative if I'm making something that I know he doesn't like - like jacket potatoes.  He dislikes

potatoes (unless in chip form) and always has so I offer pasta instead.  Thing is, when they are

very small, they can't deal with making choices quickly like we can, it just gets them into a tizzy

and then they get bad tempered and told off and often told they can't have either of the choices 'cos

they're behaving badly!

[the-ginger-ninja]

One of our local schools featured in the papers http://www.dailyecho.co.uk/news/10875695.Mums_in_punch_up_at_the_school_gates/

At the school my girls go to there are regularly police outside, there is a blind bend with double yellows between the 2 sets of gates and the same parents park on them every day. I would say I am surprised that no one has been run over but unfortunately in the last 2 years a parent and a child have both been hit - seperate incidents. 😞 

[captainbovine]

I work for the same company as Ed, I've seen the scenario she described on that many ocassions I can't tell you.

the one thing that really makes me cringe is parents asking a child as young as a year old "what do you want for your lunch then?" how the hell does he/she know at that age...then you go through the menu, and he/she takes forever while the queue gets longer!!!!!

When I worked on checkouts I had empty bags from grapes, banana skins, apple cores etc, given to me to weigh!!!

you cannot blame the kids with parents like that!!!