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hypnotherapee · ‎06-12-2013

Apologies in advance, but I really feel I'm losing the plot now. Further to my recent' being sick in everyone's bucket thread ( relating to 3 deaths in family in 6 weeks and problems with my son and his wife, my youngest step daughter (aged 41) has accused me of being preferential to my granddaughter (aged 1) and ignoring her daughter ( aged 😎 this couldn't be further than the truth.

I'm gobsmacked to be honest, and really hurt. I wasn't there yesterday when she let rip at her dad, with all,sorts of venomous accusations about my son and his wife, the fact that they are on benefits, as my son doesn't earn a lot, but sh herself has been on benefits when her and her husband split up a while ago (they are now back together again) Both hubbie and are shell shocked. We have always supported our children, and grandchildren. And we don't understand what we've done to deserve this, and she won't sit down and explain to is what the problem really is.

Season of goodwill????? Looks like our Christmas is going to be bloody awful. She has already said she is returning the presents we have bought her kids.

I think I'm going mad - I don't need this .....

lhasa.two · ‎06-12-2013

Oh poor you, not at all what you need at the moment after all the bereavements you have had,

It sounds like she's been building this up for a while and it may not be really anything to do with you and your oh but you were - or your oh was - the nearest she could let rip at. I would let the dust settle for a couple of days, and if you feel like it, write her a letter telling her how much you care about her and her 8 year old (give examples etc) and ask her to pop round at some point so that you can have a quiet one-to-one chat and try and get to the bottom of it.

A lot of people are feeling the stress of Christmas on top of stress about paying bills etc and she too has gone through the loss of recently deceased people - I'm assuming this. Don't let it drag on, nip it in the bud and make up in good time for Christmas. She may of course realise she's been a bit silly and could well apologise to you before you send her the letter...

Good luck and I'm sure it will all work out in the end. x

hypnotherapee · ‎06-12-2013

Hi Lhasa.one, thanks for your reply. Only one of the deaths was on her side of the family, it was her nan (my husbands mum) who she never really got along with. The other two are on my side. I will try and speak with her over the weekend........I'm not holding out any hopes though.

lhasa.two · ‎06-12-2013

Family's eh, who would have 'em

Hopefully she will come to her senses and not damage the relationship you and your OH have with her 8 year old, as it's not fair on her.

merc1_clocks · ‎06-12-2013

Oh hypno, that is just awful

I would let the dust settle, & as has been said, re-iterate how much ALL your family mean to you.

At the end of the day - YOU have done nothing wrong.

My thoughts are with you

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Be not inhospitable to strangers, lest they be Angels in disguise.

dark_castle1 · ‎06-12-2013

Well in my opinion she sounds like a spoilt brat that has to be the centre of attention and thinks her child should be also without a thought for anyone else.

Let her return the presents and deprive her child the gifts from her grandparents and the obvious love you both have for her. Do not even try to find out what is wrong with her and let her find out what it is like when her tantrums come home to roost and she realises she has ostracised herself from her family and they are not going to bow down to her pressures.

Harsh I know but sometimes people need a kick up the ass to realise what they already have but cannot see.

bitsnknots · ‎06-12-2013

Hypno, surely she knows what you have been through recently and this is just the attention seeking behaviour that she thinks that she can get away with. Can't agree more with what has been said.

My heart goes out to you as you don't need this hassle.

**towery** · ‎06-12-2013

i'd point out that her and her daughter are at least 6 yr older than the baby and therefore have had 6yr plus of love, hugs, kisses and caring that the baby wont ever get back

tell her if thats the sort of emotional blackmail she wants to pass onto her child then its her that needs to take a long look at the relationships that make a family

then give her back the presents and tell her they were bought and given with love

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Take a breath, then count to ten, then breatheeeeeeeeeeeee out

lhasa.two · ‎07-12-2013

I wouldn't point out anything to her at this stage.

Trying to find out what triggered the outburst would be my first line of approach.

Her behaviour isn't appropriate but there's a reason for it, at least in her eyes, so finding out why she unleashed her tirade needs to be sorted out first inmho before taking any action.

Hypno needs a win-win solution ,not a win-lose one.

corgi, I'm glad you're not an arms negotiator!

duck_a_lorange · ‎07-12-2013

Well, to go all Agatha Christie on the subject - the recent bereavements in the family may have focused her mind on the question of her daughter's possible inheritance.

dark_castle1 · ‎07-12-2013

sorry Lhasa, but come into my house and launch into a tirade with no apparent reason and make unfounded accusations your arris would be out the door quicker than it came in and it would not be down to me to back down and find out what brought it on !

As far as I am concerned she would first aoplogise then sit down and explain logically and calmly what brought it on.

rose2008-2008 · ‎07-12-2013

FAMILIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,,,, its never easy with them is it,,,. You try and do your best and look what happens. I feel for you love Lhasa!!!!!!!!!!!!!. hope it gets sorted with a bit of plain speaking from you dear... Tell her how it is in no uncertain terms!!!!!!!!!!!!!.