Have a chuckle

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak...
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'

THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No' .. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
 

 

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Be not inhospitable to strangers, lest they be Angels in disguise.

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19 REPLIES 19

Re: Have a chuckle

Read them before but thank you - needed a laugh since nothing has gone quite right today and is going to get rather wrong in a bit(once I've phoned OH).

Message 2 of 20
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Re: Have a chuckle

Very good! Made me chuckle.

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"I am made entirely of flaws stitched together with good intentions"
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Message 3 of 20
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Re: Have a chuckle

Nice one, I had a little snigger

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Re: Have a chuckle


@guardpig wrote:

Read them before but thank you - needed a laugh since nothing has gone quite right today and is going to get rather wrong in a bit(once I've phoned OH).


 

 

 Oh guardpig...I hope your day improves 1386378577186-image0011.gif

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Be not inhospitable to strangers, lest they be Angels in disguise.

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Re: Have a chuckle

Honestly Guardpig.  Friday the 13th has a lot to answer for hasn't it? 

 

(((((Guardpig)))))

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Re: Have a chuckle

Well daughter's heating has been sorted, daughter is arriving an hour later than expected but delaying tea that long is a no, no and it's in her bag on the bus, then there's her phone call she has to make because they won't talk to me, OH is sorting the oil, she'll be going home in a taxi but she don't know that yet eeek, diabetic son is low, the paperwork isn't done but the Xmas food shopping list has!!!!!!!!

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Re: Have a chuckle

Oh guardpig what a day you have had,      

 

 

Things can only go up from here.

Message 8 of 20
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Re: Have a chuckle

Ed - we are off to Central London tomorrow!! 

Message 9 of 20
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Re: Have a chuckle

thanks  merc

 

i used to have a copy on an old lappy,  it still cracks me up

 

its just farts mum!  🙂

 

good luck for the london trip GP

 

are you setting off a 4am?


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Message 10 of 20
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Re: Have a chuckle

Ed, can I have the site you use for your smileys, they're so different to mine and I can't find them. I fankyou

Photobucket

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Re: Have a chuckle

Feel a bit better now. Just re-read the jokesLOL  Daughter has heating, her replacement phone is on the way, we have found a car park you can book a place in - didn't know you could outside of lAirports LOL.

 

However OH is totally worn out(the alternative would probably get me a slap) and he is driving tomorrow.  Son has an attack after having promised to have a bath ALL DAY!.Guess who is navigating and guess who will say "I know exactly where we are" as he heads south over Tower bridge!LOL. And you can guess who has been left with the washing up.

 

Thank you all for cheering me up.   Somehow my life is just totally chaotic.

 

Now you lot wait for next week when I have to persuade said son into a shave, haircut, and to go get his picture taken in one of those booth things that swallow the money and only seem to disgorge the photos when you give up and head for the door!  Reckon that's at least 3 days worth of work.

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Re: Have a chuckle

 

 

 At least you've not lost your sense of humour guardpig...& good luck with the London trip heart

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Be not inhospitable to strangers, lest they be Angels in disguise.

Message 13 of 20
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Re: Have a chuckle

gp  find a small photography place that does the headshots

 

its about the same price as the boooths and better as they are less stressful

 

our one here does it all digitally so  you can have 4, 8  16  of the one shot


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Message 14 of 20
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Re: Have a chuckle

Captain, her you go.     http://yoursmiles.org/t-rulez.php

Message 15 of 20
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Re: Have a chuckle

LOVE them all but especially the last one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. ha ha ha ha 

 

smily clap.gif

Message 16 of 20
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Re: Have a chuckle

Well I've never read them before& I laughed so much I had to x my legs. Thank you!




**********Sam**********
Message 17 of 20
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Re: Have a chuckle

A little bit risque for the laydees of FHG...

I would have thought....

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Re: Have a chuckle


@mr-expresso wrote:

A little bit risque for the laydees of FHG...

I would have thought....


You obviously haven't met any of us then! lol 

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"I am made entirely of flaws stitched together with good intentions"
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Message 19 of 20
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Re: Have a chuckle

Ha ha ha ha ha Patch your funny,,,,,, Mr Expresso are you an innocent????. Bless you poppet!!!!!!!!!!!.

 

sexy-girl-waving-hello-smiley-emoticon.gif

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