Family Dilemma

[rainydaywoman11]

I was wakened from a lovely sleep (managed one hour), by a telephone from my girlfriend,  She had been drinking and when that is how she is, she just rings and rings the phone.  I am not turning it off in case my elderly Dad has a problem  She was reacting to a email I sent re. my plans including the property schedule.

I intend to buy my brother a flat (studio) tenement and not expensive, because he is in a tower block which had a good reputation when he moved in, almost 20 years ago. He has been perfectly happy until now, but the council, in their wisdom are 'lowering the tone' and brother says, using it as a dumping ground for problem cases, and incomers disrespectful of their surroundings and their neighbours,

 Now there is always trouble with the lift which they mess about with, and brother lives on the 16th floor.  The plants and nice bits outside their doors, gone - stolen.  Noise and disturbance, always people coming and going and the man cannot get any peace.  Lots of incomers as well as locals.  He asked for a transfer and was offered 3 flats, which he said you would not keep a dog in.  So now he goes to the bottom of the queue.

Numbers 2 and 3 - want to pay off my sister's mortgage, only 3 years left (She works caring for dementia patients, not well paid and it would make a real difference to her) and lastly buy the younger brother a new car, approved electrician, works all over the central belt.  I am doing this because I don't see the point in my having the ability to help them now, I could live a few years and would leave them the same anyway.  Seems to make sense to me.

My girlfriends problem is that there was a long period of estrangement and I was the outcast, not their fault, they were acting on the 'wishes' of my domineering mother.  Now my friend thinks I am mad to help them or leave them anything at all because of the past.  She was quite vehement and angry and doesn't understand why I am not.  Well, bridges have been built in the past 16 months and it is rather nice for me, getting to know them again.  The brother in the flat always stayed in touch with me, if only intermittently.

She says they are using me whereas I think it makes sense - they need help now. I think that kind of anger is fruitless, I got over being angry a long, long, time ago, and just lived my life.  Mostly happily too.

What do you guys think?  I am a bit upset by her attitude,  By the way it's ok I'll zonk in 5  

[5129frederick]

Nothing to do with Christianity?  

I don't know why you're knocking me.  OK, let's forget the Christian side of things for a moment, (although Jesus did say it to his disciples).  What Rainy did, or is about to do, is highly commendable.  

We should all follow Rainy's example.  Now are you happy? (Roll eyes).

[ginap.123]

I'm afraid I agree with Maggie. What Rainy is considering is commendable from any religion, christian or not & also by athiests. It's a decision made by a generous and loving person and not by the label of christian.

[harrydog10]

I don't see anyone knocking you at all.  What I see is people disagreeing with your post. Personally, I don't think her decisions have anything to do with religion either.  What I see is  a lovely lady making her own choices of what she should do with her own money be it now or later. I hope she does whatever makes her happy.

[5129frederick]

OK, so people are disagreeing with my post as opposed to knocking me.  I have corrected it to her action being highly commendable by any standard.

Are we so afraid to use the word Christian?  Would you all feel happier if I removed my signature?  A regular contributor to this thread uses the signature "I am a committed atheist."  

I am a committed Christian and profess my faith accordingly.

[cee-dee]

Fred, there's nothing wrong with you being a Christian and proud of it.

In actual fact, committed athiests may well follow Christian values but not beliefs. The only thing that some people might have a problem with is followers of any religion continually ramming it in the face of everyone else.

[harrydog10]

Do you have some issue with people not agreeing with your posts. You can have what you like on your signature.   If I am honest I really don't care what you believe, I just don't think that everything in life has something to do with religion, you however, obviously do. 

[5129frederick]

And do I ram it down people's throats?  Offhand I appear to be the only one on the board who professes his/her faith as a Christian.  Does that embarrass some of you reading this thread?

I'm happy to put it to the vote.  In fact I think I'll do that now.

[5129frederick]

If we all agreed about everything we all said it would be a bland and boring world - it's the only way we learn by discussing, agreeing or disagreeing.

[harrydog10]

Please do, feel free. 

You have no idea as to peoples religious belief's as most choose not to make it the point of their posts or broadcast it.  You choose to make it a point in the majority of your posts.

[merc1_clocks]

I don't believe in 'religion' in any shape or form...but I'm a fantastic, kind, loving & giving human being IMHO!

[harrydog10]

Sorry but was it not you who accused others of 'knocking you'just  because we disagree with your making everything to do with religion! Then you  throw your toys out of the pram asking would it make us happy if you removed your signature . Really.

[harrydog10]

Ffrom what I read Merc, I think your a nice fun person too. !

[merc1_clocks]

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@harrydog10 wrote:

Ffrom what I read Merc, I think your a nice fun person too. !

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Aww shucks 

[bitsnknots]

Some of the nicest and kindest people I know are atheists.  I know a couple who are committed Christians and they are the most selfish people on this earth.  

[harrydog10]

Lol !   

[aernethril]

You go with what feels right for you, and nothing more, nothing less.

You have a deeper understanding for being 'out' of the situation, looking in and being able to see from different perspectives.

Your friend has known you in the way you were with her, for that length of time, and now you are moving outside of her comfort zone which she cannot at the moment, and may never be able to follow you to.

Accept that her anger is in part her fear of losing the 'you' she knows and maybe, for her looking from the outside, she sees something that concerns her but is not a concern for you.

As we grow older, we can either stick in our ways and cement our minds in what supported us when we were young, or we can find that there is always a different way to move on in life, to change what we believe needs or is good to change within us.

If you can make a difference now to those you care about or just want to help, why wait?  Will either life - yours or theirs - be any better for not helping?  Different maybe, and as you see it, almost certainly worse in at least one situation with potentially a very unhappy outcome.

And as for deserts, well remember that not even a desert is entirely devoid of life and with a little nourishing rain, a flower will always blossom where you least expect it.

[aernethril]

And as for feeling guilty - no - just don't go there.

You 'escaped' for a reason and just maybe that reason is obvious now.

It had to be and so it was, and so it is.

[ginap.123]

It's a well known fact that most (not all) wars have been and are in the name of religion.