Family Dilemma

I was wakened from a lovely sleep (managed one hour), by a telephone from my girlfriend,  She had been drinking and when that is how she is, she just rings and rings the phone.  I am not turning it off in case my elderly Dad has a problem  She was reacting to a email I sent re. my plans including the property schedule.

 

I intend to buy my brother a flat (studio) tenement and not expensive, because he is in a tower block which had a good reputation when he moved in, almost 20 years ago. He has been perfectly happy until now, but the council, in their wisdom are 'lowering the tone' and brother says, using it as a dumping ground for problem cases, and incomers disrespectful of their surroundings and their neighbours,

 

 Now there is always trouble with the lift which they mess about with, and brother lives on the 16th floor.  The plants and nice bits outside their doors, gone - stolen.  Noise and disturbance, always people coming and going and the man cannot get any peace.  Lots of incomers as well as locals.  He asked for a transfer and was offered 3 flats, which he said you would not keep a dog in.  So now he goes to the bottom of the queue.

 

Numbers 2 and 3 - want to pay off my sister's mortgage, only 3 years left (She works caring for dementia patients, not well paid and it would make a real difference to her) and lastly buy the younger brother a new car, approved electrician, works all over the central belt.  I am doing this because I don't see the point in my having the ability to help them now, I could live a few years and would leave them the same anyway.  Seems to make sense to me.

 

My girlfriends problem is that there was a long period of estrangement and I was the outcast, not their fault, they were acting on the 'wishes' of my domineering mother.  Now my friend thinks I am mad to help them or leave them anything at all because of the past.  She was quite vehement and angry and doesn't understand why I am not.  Well, bridges have been built in the past 16 months and it is rather nice for me, getting to know them again.  The brother in the flat always stayed in touch with me, if only intermittently.

 

She says they are using me whereas I think it makes sense - they need help now. I think that kind of anger is fruitless, I got over being angry a long, long, time ago, and just lived my life.  Mostly happily too.

 

What do you guys think?  I am a bit upset by her attitude,  By the way it's ok I'll zonk in 5 Woman Happy 

 

 

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Nobody told me there'd be days like these,
Nobody told me there'd be days like these,
Strange days indeed, strange days indeed,
Most peculiar Mamma.....................................
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Family Dilemma

I think it is entirely your choice and you should do just as you wish wihout others making comments on a situation that unless they are in the same position they can have no comprehension of xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



“I don't trust anyone who doesn't laugh.”
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Carol, I think that it is very kind of you to help your family the way you are doing.  I am pleased that you have built bridges with your family in recent times.   It is up to you what you do and if it gives you pleasure helping your family then why not.  It just proves what a lovely lady you are.

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Carol, what you suggest doing is nothing more than we in here would expect of you because you are such a caring, warm and lovely lady. As you have said bridges have been built which they should because if not regrets can be a heavy burden to bear.

In my opinion do as you wish because helping others also helps you in making you feel good and you deserve all the good feeling for what you do for others.

A hamfisted attempt at trying to say we all in here love you for your warmth, kindness and the light you spread over us and know you do the same in real life.

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 you do what you want to do Rainy, this way you get to do what you want to do with your money,  you know what you have done has helped them enourmously.

life is too short to hold grudges, as long as you have all made your peace with each other, it's up to you how you sort things out.

I think you are amazing....so there...

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Your money sweetheart, your choice to make. Don't let anyone cloud your judgement. It's not their decision to make.

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"I am made entirely of flaws stitched together with good intentions"
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Family Dilemma


@captainbovine wrote:

 you do what you want to do Rainy, this way you get to do what you want to do with your money,  you know what you have done has helped them enourmously.

life is too short to hold grudges, as long as you have all made your peace with each other, it's up to you how you sort things out.

I think you are amazing....so there...


I agree 100% with everything CB said.

 

Your money, your choice what you do with it and how you live your life. I learnt a long time ago that things and money aren't important, but people are.

 

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Some days I pray for silence
Some days I pray for soul
Some days I just pray to the god of sex and drums and rock 'n' roll
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Make yourself happy by doing what you want to do. You deserve it xxx
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She probably sees it as trying to protect you and that your family are taking advantage of you but it is your family, your money and your decision. Have a chat with her when she has calmed down and I'm sure she will get her head around it.

Sweet dreams lovely lady xxx

 

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Family Dilemma

Thank you all so much. heart

 

You see I feel guilty because I escaped and my mother wouldn't take me on so she told me she neither needed or wanted anything from me, it took me a long time to work out why she said it, but it dawned on me one day.  I would have, and did, tell her to bog off.  

 

In comparison to my siblings I have been so lucky.  I've been, och, so many fab places, met great people, had a social life concerts, theatre, dinner parties (which were famous for nobody ever leaving), can't do that now Woman Sad  But I digress, they have so much poverty of the soul it absolutely breaks my heart.  And I have known great joy.  And I have my son.

 

My sister is so lonely because when my youngest sister died (exactly 2 years today), she lost not only her sister, but her best friend of decades.  They were very close.  It took her nigh on a year to make contact, but the wall is slowly breaking.  She is 56, size 10, fantastic fashion sense - me blue jeans, t shirt, ballet flats, but at least a Joe Brown coat and always a great handbag.  Her - purple tights, black pumps and a long black cardigan with green and purple embroidery, worn as a dress with a belt.  She was always funky.  I am trying to convinve her to try online dating - I wonder if anyone knows of any good sites/agencies.  I'd chaperone her and sit at the back in case he's a raving psycho Woman LOL  She laughed from her belly when I said that.  Thanks to Mummy though, she has the self esteem of a gnat, so I've a lot of work to do. 

 

I was really taken aback by A. and her aggressive attitude.  The world is so strange.

 

They are my blood after all and I have known them for a very long time, lol.

 

P.S.  Dear Mr. Moderator, if you should read this post, these are the women of a certain age (all of us) who put the fun into this Board.  I find it sad that for such petty reasons (and yes they are the rules, I accept that, I signed up for it, but perhaps the rules should be amended), the flow of the banter is interrupted, people become disheartened so don't bother posting.  These are good, kind, generous women, to a man Woman LOL  I am not saying it will happen, because I always hope new folks come onboard, but if no-one posts, you won't have to close it.  It will be a desert.  What a shame.  I, perhaps, due to terminal illness, have been afforded a lifeline at times on here, when I was in Hell, in pain, frightened and alone, so alone.  Whatever the eventual outcome I will be grateful always for that. heart

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Nobody told me there'd be days like these,
Nobody told me there'd be days like these,
Strange days indeed, strange days indeed,
Most peculiar Mamma.....................................
Message 10 of 38
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Family Dilemma

Can I be a kind and generous man, to a woman?

(Oh that sounds SOOOOOOOO wrong!)

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But you could be so good at it 😅
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I think your friend is angry with your family because she believes they have hurt you and are trying to take advantage - she 'means well'. But if bridges have been built, that is a good thing, and I know it's a nice feeling being back in touch, because a friend of mine was also in a similar position, due too to a domineering mother, and is now in touch with her brothers again and enjoying getting to know them.  It is your money, and do with it what makes you happy.

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You don't think your friend might have been hoping you'd give her some money instead of your family?



It's life Jim, but not as WE know it.
Live long and prosper.

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If after building bridges and connecting meaningfully with your siblings again, you can give them some joy and a long term memory of something you did for them freely and with love, I can't see anything untoward in that at all. 

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Family Dilemma

You said she had been drinking?...we all say and do things which we regret when the cold light of day sobers us up...

Send her some flowers and say how much you appreciate her concerns and thank her for showing how much she cares about you....

 

And then do exactly what you want to do with your pennies...Smiley Happy


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You can fail at what you don't want.....so you might as well take a chance on what you love.........


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what  twishy said

 

Kin are the people who went through a lot of our lives having the same goldfish or happynesses

friends only share a little of that

 

you are in a position to help soothe this later part of some later lives it may encourage them to do some things you have, see some sites,  live a life without justifying it to anyone 

 

have no  doubts

 

Sam 🙂 xx

 

 


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Take a breath, then count to ten, then breatheeeeeeeeeeeee out
Message 17 of 38
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Our Saviour gave his disciples one final commandment: "Love one another, as I have loved you."  This sums up everything in one sentence.  

 

Far, far more important than going to church and putting money into the collection tray is by doing what you have, or about to do, you have shown yourself as a Christian of example.  A shining example to us all, although make sure you don't get taken advantage of by those outside your own family.  This is what Christianity is all about, not attending church.

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Sorry Fred but being kind & good has absolutely nothing to do with christianity! Some of the loveliest people I know are aithiests & some of the meanest christians. It's about being a good person not about worshiping a god. 

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"I am made entirely of flaws stitched together with good intentions"
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Family Dilemma

 

 

                                                images (9).jpg

 

 

 

  You go girl xxx

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Be not inhospitable to strangers, lest they be Angels in disguise.

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