Any jokes, cheerful news or funnies?

[myraandjim]

Come on, I need cheering up and we need to get the chat flowing once again. Remember, use it or lose it - so lets keep the chat going

[1956glyn]

Hi.

Yes, i have a son who should know better but can be a Mr. Bean type at times.

He rang me the other day......"Hi Mum, i have forgotten my front door key are you at home "

I said  "yes son, that is why i answered the home phone "

He went Doh and hung up on me

I give up sometimes.....

[peteryola]

My wife is notorious for things like that.  Her best one ever was this:

A couple of years ago she bought herself a wireless mouse for use with her laptop.

Two months later...

Myself and the kids are watching TV in the front room; she's having a tidy up in the dining room.  After a while, she comes into the front room brandishing said mouse and asks us: "Whose phone is this?"

[023mjc]

This may make you laugh......

I have recently bought a new coooker - an electric fan oven.  I've only ever cooked with gas before.

So I bought a ready made pie - the type that come in foil trays - for a quick dinner.  Put it in the oven at what I thought would be the right temperature, but I could soon smell burning.  It was completely blackened.

I didn't have anything else to feed the family on, so with the aid of an oven glove ( so I didn't have a very good grip) I balanced it on the edge of the sink to scrape off all the black bits, and it fell in. Scooped it out and served it in broken dollops. It must have been OK because they ate it.

[1956glyn]

Aww at least some of it was edible Maz lol

[1956glyn]

If you really want a laugh...create a Facebook account ....

From people bragging (when you know different) to co workers posting videos of themselves at work....in a works vehicle travelling up the motorway singing and dancing.  

Some are not the brightest....especially as they are NOT wearing a seat belt and have their boss/company owner as a friend on FB lol

[aand2136-voqfz8yx]

In the summer, I was trapped in my own house!

Yes you read correct. I was trapped in my own house; the dining area of the lounge to be exact.

There are a pair of double folding doors between the lounge and the dining area and I was checking new door knobs for them as one is simply superglued on, because it broke. They fold into the dining area. I went into that area and closed the doors to see what knobs would suit. There are none on that side and because they fold inwards to that area I couldn't simply push them open. No amount of fiddling with what I could find in that room would open them to let me out. I was literally trapped in that the dining area of my own house.

Fortunately I keep my spare set of house keys in that room and I had to go out the patio doors and back in through the kitchen door - phew!!! Failing that I'd have had to break the doors down. I've now screwed a little piece of ribbon to the bottom of the door to act as a tag to enable me to pull the door open

What a plonker!

[mustard-tree]

Some time ago, my friend phoned to say she couldnt get her new printer to work.

I asked her the obvious first question "Have you plugged it in at the mains and switched it on?"

"No" replied my friend, "Dont have to do that, it is a wireless printer"

[myraandjim]

These are brilliant, makes me feel better about my frequent "senior moments"! Years ago I lived in a house with an outside toilet, one winter night I wandered down to use it in pink fluffy slippers and pyjamas only to find the pan had frozen solid, so thought I would flush it to flush the ice away. Ice doesn't flush does it, just the water comes up and over the floor and feet, the kids still laugh about it.

[1956glyn]

Many Many years ago my mother had a very senior moment.

Remember the days before carpet gripper and you use to tack down the edges of carpet?

The carpet had lifted a little by the upstairs bathroom door and the only "tacks" my mother could find as my father was at work, were 4 inch nails!

You guessed it she hammers straight through the water pipes !    So much damage was caused to the house that it even brought down the kitchen ceiling !! 

My father was not impressed and all tools were then permanently hidden from my mother.

To be honest he never ever forgave her for that one lol

[peteryola]

Another wife classic, from September this year:

17.45: Me: I can do chicken, bacon and sweetcorn with cheese melted over it tonight. We can microwave yours when you get back from bowling with the care agency.

Wife: Sound good.

*gets busy in kitchen*

*serves up*

*eats own portion*

*leaves other portion in microwave*

*20.45: Wife returns*

Me: Would you like your food now?

Wife: Yes

*zaps second portion and serves up*

21.15: Wife: That was OK, but I prefer this without the chicken…

[peteryola]

And this one from July!

I've got her into using her camera more, wildlife and macro photography ( hers is a Fuji Finepix S8500 ) and she's gone a bit OTT with her practice, about 600 - 800 photos a month at the moment. Despite that volume, I thought we were getting through a lot of batteries.

Then the awful truth dawned a few days ago when she asked me to change the batteries for her and I saw there was no low battery warning.

The camera status icon in the top left corner of the screen is red; the same shade as the low battery warning icon in the mid lower right of the screen............

She is now under orders to only change the batteries when the camera actually stops working.

[1956glyn]

To be honest i would probably have changed the batteries to if i saw the red hahaha

That may be a woman thing 🙂

Saying that, i am also naturally blonde........

[wizilizi]

I'm a hopeless techie

I got the torch stuck 'on' on my phone, whilst walking dogs which I do down by the river

We live in town so up from the river the street lighting etc takes over - no need for a torch

I shoved the phone into various pockets, but the beam was so strong that I glowed 

Awkward 

[1956glyn]

I have this magic  "tool" when i run into techie problems.....I shout Jameees !!    (my son)

I love your post lol

(Shirl)

[mustard-tree]

An old lady buys an old brass lamp in a junk shop.

She gets it home, gives it a rub, and out comes and Genie, who grants her 3 wishes.

Wish 1, to have loads of money

Wish 2, to be young and beautiful again

Wish 3, for her cat to change into a handsome young man.

All 3 wishes are granted.

She wins the lottery jackpot

She changes into a young and beautiful woman

Her cat becomes a handsome young man

She is over the moon, until the handsome young man says

"I bet you wish you hadn`t taken me to the vet all those years ago"