Voters in Scotland have confounded pollsters and observers by delivering a resounding vote in favour of staying with David Cameron after all, referendum results have shown.
After months of vigorous campaigning during which a vote for independence had been seen as increasingly likely, the homely appeal and rugged good looks of the prime minister appear to have been the deciding factor in persuading 62% of Scots to vote to retain the Union.
‘I was quite unsure even when I went into the polling booth,’ said No voter Margaret McKey, 53, from Roxburgh. ‘But as my pencil hovered over the boxes, I just thought of yon Davy Cameron’s pink little pouty face and that lovely shiny forehead, and I thought, I cannae let the poor wee man go, can I? So of course I voted to keep him, bless his little cotton socks.’
Millions of voters reported that similar feelings of affection for the prime minister were the deciding factor over their vote. Josh Milton, a 24-year-old care worker from Nairn, told of a ‘Damascus moment’ while queueing outside the polling station. ‘Up to now I thought I hated every last feckin’ Tory that was ever born,’ he said. ‘But then I realised I might never see David Cameron on my tv ever again, dressing up in his white tie and haw-hawing about the poor with his Cabinet full o’rich numpties. Who in their right mind would give that up? I knew then that I was going to vote No, then go home and break up with my girlfriend. I’m a patriotic Scot, and that man is everything to me.’
A disappointed Yes campaign admitted that they knew they were lost when Cameron despatched his professional wingman, Gordon Brown, to chat up the Scottish populace a few days before the vote. ‘I’m tellin’ you, Alex Salmond is all man,’ said a campaign spokesperson. ‘But let’s face it, nobody has captured the hearts and minds of Scots like that beautiful, wonderful prime minister of ours. What with his charisma, generous spirit and that gorgeous wife of his, we never stood a snowball’s chance in hell. Ah well.’
In an emotional concession speech, Mr Salmond grudgingly admitted that he, too, had fallen under the prime minister’s spell. ‘He just sort of gets under your skin, doesnae he?’ the SNP leader told crestfallen supporters in Stirling. ‘Still, Scotland’s best years are ahead. You can take away our dream of independence, you can take away our U2 albums, but by God you’ll never take away oor Dave!’
http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2014/09/18/scotland-votes-to-stay-with-david-cameron-after-all/
