Bill & Charlie's Bar

[bill-xxx]

Hello to all our old friends and newcomers alike. Welcome to Bill & Charlie's Bar - the place to meet other posters and to sit and chat while you sample your favourite tipple. Plenty to drink, lots of joking but alas no smoking.

We are open all hours (hic) and run a respectable Bar. (Although I argued with Charlie until I was blue in the face over that one!) No swearing, spitting or drun..drunk...drunken beeeehaviour (hic). We have a couple of bouncers to hand ~ she comes in on Friday nights.

Teetotallers are welcome and will be treated as normal. I jest ~ soft drinks are available at the bar along with light snacks. And finally, please use the emergency exit when Bill rambles on about the good ol' days and put plugs in your ears when Charlie 'sings'.

Come on in...:-D

[09charliegirl]

Very true, Caution! :^O

By the way, could you tell Bill that he's already put that "joke" on the RT! 

[bill-xxx]

Since Charlie isn't speaking to me, would you read this one to her please, caution? 😄

Q. What do UFOs and smart blondes have in common?
A. You hear about them all the time, but you never see one.

:^O

[algasmoon]

There's always the exception to prove the rule 😉

now...where's that ufo ?

[bill-xxx]

There's always the exception to prove the rule 😉

now...where's that ufo ?

It landed on CD's head ~ but he'll still deny it! :^O

[algasmoon]

for sure :^O

[cee-dee]

[bill-xxx]

I think Charlie's been abducted 😮

[cee-dee]

[09charliegirl]

I think Charlie's been abducted 😮

Yep, the aliens like Corrie  :^O

Harry the sheriff walked into Bill's Bar and asked...

"Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?

He's wearing a brown paper hat,

a brown paper jacket,

a brown paper waistcoat,

a brown paper shirt,

and brown paper boots"

Bill said " What's he wanted for?"

"Rustlin'"

😮

😄

:^O

[bill-xxx]

Yep, the aliens like Corrie  :^O

Harry the sheriff walked into Bill's Bar and asked...

"Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?

He's wearing a brown paper hat,

a brown paper jacket,

a brown paper waistcoat,

a brown paper shirt,

and brown paper boots"

Bill said " What's he wanted for?"

"Rustlin'"

😮

😄

:^O

:_|

Thank gawd the Corrie commercial break is finished! :^O

[09charliegirl]

:^O

Hustle is on now! 😛

[cee-dee]

Bill had had a hectic night in his bar and was glad when it was chucking out time and the last of the drunks had staggered out.

Bill had just got to sleep when there was this hammering at the back door. Not wanting to get up again at 3am he tried to get back to sleep and ignored the hammering but Charlie insisted he go down and see who it was.

Bill reluctantly got dressed, went down and opened the door to see this drunk there "Give us a push?" he asked.

"You're drunk, you shouldn't be driving, walk home" Bill replied, shut the door and went back upstairs to explain to Charlie.

"You should have given him a push" she said, "Don't you remember last winter we got stuck in the snow and we had to trek to three farms before that kind old farmer took pity on us, warmed us up then came out to give us a push to get going again. You know how we felt when the others wouldn't help?"

So tired old Bill staggers downstairs again, opens the back door, doesn't see anyone so shouts out "Hey, are you still there, still want a push, where are you?"

The drunk shouts back "I'm over here, on your swing, give us a push?"

[tommy.irene]

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley
motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."

[bill-xxx]

CD went to an aircraft display with Bill.
CD said to Bill, "I'd like a ride in that helicopter"
Bill replied, "I know CD, but that helicopter ride is twenty quid,
and twenty quid is twenty quid!" to which CD replied,

"I'm 75 years old, Bill, if I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance" To this, Bill replied, "CD that helicopter ride is twenty quid, and twenty quid is twenty quid". The pilot overheard them and said,

"Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's twenty quid".
Bill and CD agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,

"By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! "Bill replied," Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when CD fell out, but you know, twenty quid is twenty quid!"  😮 :^O

[cee-dee]

Very good Bill but FARRRRR from the truth.

I wouldn't want a ride on the sort of chopper you'd fall out of and anyway, before any flight, the pilot's told "NO aerobatics. If I survive, you're for it and if I don't, it'll be a VERY expensive ride."

[bill-xxx]

Am having a job to keep up with the rush in here! :^O

Still got loadsa mince pies left over from Christmas too. Bluuuurgh!  :_| :^O

[cee-dee]

What's happened to Charlie? Not run off with one of the customers?

[09charliegirl]

Am having a job to keep up with the rush in here! :^O

*Elbows way through crowds* :^O

Hello and shuttup, CD! 😛

Here you are, Bill :-x

:^O

[**caution**opinion_ahead]

'tis the tennis season, CD.  She can't drag herself away. 😉

[**caution**opinion_ahead]

Ooh ... um .... well .... maybe she can after all.