Bill & Charlie's Bar

[bill-xxx]

Hello to all our old friends and newcomers alike. Welcome to Bill & Charlie's Bar - the place to meet other posters and to sit and chat while you sample your favourite tipple. Plenty to drink, lots of joking but alas no smoking.

We are open all hours (hic) and run a respectable Bar. (Although I argued with Charlie until I was blue in the face over that one!) No swearing, spitting or drun..drunk...drunken beeeehaviour (hic). We have a couple of bouncers to hand ~ she comes in on Friday nights.

Teetotallers are welcome and will be treated as normal. I jest ~ soft drinks are available at the bar along with light snacks. And finally, please use the emergency exit when Bill rambles on about the good ol' days and put plugs in your ears when Charlie 'sings'.

Come on in...:-D

[bill-xxx]

:^O

[bill-xxx]

😮

😄

:^O

[09charliegirl]

:^O

I'll take two...B-)

Oh hang on, make that just the one.....:O

we've already got Caution's "dishwasher" 😉 :^O

[bill-xxx]

:^O

I'll take two...B-)

Oh hang on, make that just the one.....:O

we've already got Caution's "dishwasher" 😉 :^O

Sorry, you've lorst me with that ^^^ ?:|

Not sure which question you're answering :^O

I asked if you would like a drink...

Now you talk about dishwashers :^O

[09charliegirl]

Bill was sitting outside his bar one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a Nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now Bill gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do you know this, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so."

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous ~of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this bar, drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Bill goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman

"and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?":^O

[bill-xxx]

:^O:^O:^O

Charlie heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on her door to clarify the point.

Charlie came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"

Charlie said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it Pasteurized?" Charlie  said, "No, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes."

:^O

[09charliegirl]

Sorry, you've lorst me with that ^^^ ?:|

Not sure which question you're answering :^O

I asked if you would like a drink...

Now you talk about dishwashers :^O

:_|

:^O :^O

You've not seen Caution's "dishwasher"???:O

Good!...not to worry! :^O

One strawberry margarita please...:-)

[bill-xxx]

One strawberry margarita for Charlie :-x

[09charliegirl]

A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink.

He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac. The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won't see him.

The barman looks down at him and says,

"What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac?

The motorway replies, "You don't know him like I do.

He's a cyclepath."

😮 :^O

[bill-xxx]

:^O

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.

"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.

"Okay," says the bartender, "If you say you paid, you did."

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeeper replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks. The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over and says,

"You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched in the face."

"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."

:^O

[09charliegirl]

:^O

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman all walk into a bar................

the barman shouts: "What the hell is this? Some kind of a joke?"

:^O

[09charliegirl]

Two hydrogen atoms in a bar.

One says to the other 'I've lost my electron'.

'That's terrible' says the other 'Are you sure?'.

'I'm positive'

:^O

[bill-xxx]

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

:^O

[bill-xxx]

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door.

😮

:^O

[bill-xxx]

Back soon...:-D

[Anonymous]

Evening all. B-)

[bill-xxx]

Hi Harry.:-x

Can I get you a drink?

[Anonymous]

A coffee please Bill....I need to keep my wits about me in this place. B-)

[bill-xxx]

One coffee, Harry.

Yep, keep your eyes peeled, had someone throw a lemon at me this morning! :O:^O

[Anonymous]

ah well, that explains the sour face....B-)