Bill & Charlie's Bar

[bill-xxx]

Hello to all our old friends and newcomers alike. Welcome to Bill & Charlie's Bar - the place to meet other posters and to sit and chat while you sample your favourite tipple. Plenty to drink, lots of joking but alas no smoking.

We are open all hours (hic) and run a respectable Bar. (Although I argued with Charlie until I was blue in the face over that one!) No swearing, spitting or drun..drunk...drunken beeeehaviour (hic). We have a couple of bouncers to hand ~ she comes in on Friday nights.

Teetotallers are welcome and will be treated as normal. I jest ~ soft drinks are available at the bar along with light snacks. And finally, please use the emergency exit when Bill rambles on about the good ol' days and put plugs in your ears when Charlie 'sings'.

Come on in...:-D

[al**bear]

EMBS

TV show called 'Continuim' on SyFy

There is an unethical Agri/Pharma/War tech MultiNational Corporation in it

It's name

Somanto

Somanto is a global corporation which aims to improve human condition in harmony with nature by improving the environment.

http://www.somantocorp.com/

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No idea who they could have based it on, have you

[margaret*e]

Good morning, is this place not ready yet, tuts and leaves choking on smoke.

No, the burning smell isn't just like my own kitchen.

[bill-xxx]

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@marg*e wrote:

Good morning, is this place not ready yet, tuts and leaves choking on smoke.

No, the burning smell isn't just like my own kitchen.

---

Smoke? You're not ironing, are you Margaret?     

Good morning btw. All ready to serve here.

[electric*mayhem*band]

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@al**bear wrote:

EMBS

TV show called 'Continuim' on SyFy

There is an unethical Agri/Pharma/War tech MultiNational Corporation in it

It's name

Somanto

Somanto is a global corporation which aims to improve human condition in harmony with nature by improving the environment.

http://www.somantocorp.com/

--------------

No idea who they could have based it on, have you

---

McB...

Not Dismal Dave & Co Ltd, from No.10 ?

[electric*mayhem*band]

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@marg*e wrote:

Good morning, is this place not ready yet, tuts and leaves choking on smoke.

No, the burning smell isn't just like my own kitchen.

---

Margs:

WARNING, WARNING, WARNING.....Please do not consume food from this establishment. Ignore the notice saying that all food is prepared by hand. Well it is in effect. The chef's a monkey.

End of Warning.

[bill-xxx]

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@electric*mayhem*band wrote:

---

@marg*e wrote:

Good morning, is this place not ready yet, tuts and leaves choking on smoke.

No, the burning smell isn't just like my own kitchen.

---

Margs:

WARNING, WARNING, WARNING.....Please do not consume food from this establishment. Ignore the notice saying that all food is prepared by hand. Well it is in effect. The chef's a monkey.

End of Warning.

---

*shoves monkey chef under sink*

IGNORE ABOVE WARNING

We have certificates to prove our food is edible. (which is incredible) However, some diners may have had certificates from their doctor stating otherwise ~ malingerers.

[al**bear]

EMBs

Monsanto -

they of the genetically mutant food

[electric*mayhem*band]

Ah yes, of course. Do they sell it here ? *retches*

*watches Hamburger run out of the door*

[bill-xxx]

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@electric*mayhem*band wrote:

Ah yes, of course. Do they sell it here ? *retches*

*watches Hamburger run out of the door*

---

If that's your thing, Embsie, then I'm fine with that. We're all friends here.

Here's another one you can watch.   

[tommy.irene]

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman. Many females use a date-**bleep** drug on the market called 'Beer'. The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large kegs... Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to the desire to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that 'something bad' occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life-savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship'. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as 'marriage'. Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. If you fall victim to this 'Beer' scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Golf Courses' in the phone book.

[geographically*challenged]

1pt water ad a sall bisqit please. I cat take a alcpol ow 😞 Apologise for a ispells. pter as decided it is goa ispell a word wit or Ad if a dot kolw da words te get a dictioar or ake a gess as to te words I trig to pt. LOL

[geographically*challenged]

ic Its ot e wos drk. Its e keborad. oest. ick O.o aitces as ge

[geographically*challenged]

I st get e oldest bro to see wats appeig ere. To a letters are ot sowig.

[bill-xxx]

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@geographically*challenged wrote:
I st get e oldest bro to see wats appeig ere. To a letters are ot sowig.

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Give it a good thump, Tim.     Good morning, btw.

[electric*mayhem*band]

The Appeal For New Keyboard.

Please text NW KYBRD to 456789 and donate

£5....................All texts will be charged at your

service provider's standard rate..THANK YOU

[Anonymous]

I told you not to burn my bacon!

[bill-xxx]

Sorry ~ the chef is Scottish and he's still celebrating Burns Night.

How about a Scotch egg to make up for it?

[electric*mayhem*band]

An over ripe Scotch Egg  →  

[bill-xxx]

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@electric*mayhem*band wrote:

An over ripe Scotch Egg  →  

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I'm gonna wait 'til it grows up ~ get more money that way. Sell it per slice!  

                                              

[tommy.irene]

Paddy and Murphy have been away camping for a week and it's their last night before they return home, so they spend the evening in Bill & Charlies country pub which was a couple of minutes walk away from the camp site. Shortly after arriving in the pub a freak storm occurs of torrential rain and high winds. Paddy and Murphy aren't bothered as they are having a great time downing pint after pint and joking with the locals. At closing time the storm has subsided somewhat and they both make their way back to the camp-site but to their dismay, their tent has blown away. Even though they've had a few drinks Paddy suggests taking the car and finding a hotel. They jump in and head off down the road. All of a sudden an old man's face appeared on the passenger side and taps lightly on the window. Murphy screams out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!, I think it's a ghost Paddy!" This old man kept knocking, so Paddy says, "Well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So Murphy rolls his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???" The old man softly replied, "You got a cigarette?" Murphy, terrified, looked at Paddy and said, "He wants a cigarette!" "Well offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" Paddy replies. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells, "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror. Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the old man again. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaauggggg, there he is again!" Murphy yells. "Well see what he wants now!" yells back Paddy He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks. Murphy throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window then yells, "STEP ON IT!" They are now going about 100 miles an hour, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden, again there is MORE knocking! "Oh my God! HE'S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" in stark fear. The old man gently replies, "You want some help getting out of this mud?"