Bill & Charlie's Bar

[bill-xxx]

Hello to all our old friends and newcomers alike. Welcome to Bill & Charlie's Bar - the place to meet other posters and to sit and chat while you sample your favourite tipple. Plenty to drink, lots of joking but alas no smoking.

We are open all hours (hic) and run a respectable Bar. (Although I argued with Charlie until I was blue in the face over that one!) No swearing, spitting or drun..drunk...drunken beeeehaviour (hic). We have a couple of bouncers to hand ~ she comes in on Friday nights.

Teetotallers are welcome and will be treated as normal. I jest ~ soft drinks are available at the bar along with light snacks. And finally, please use the emergency exit when Bill rambles on about the good ol' days and put plugs in your ears when Charlie 'sings'.

Come on in...:-D

[bill-xxx]

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@fallen-archie wrote:
Excuse me
How do you get in?


Is this a mirage?

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Sorry, didn't spot you there, archie. You're actually IN, but the Bar is currently closed. Negotiations are on-going to re-open it but we need to know if there will be enough people using it to make it worthwhile.

[fallen-archie]

Thank you for that, I will pop over to the Pick and Bullock see if they have a tot of sneck lifter while you do the sums.

[bill-xxx]

Bar pianist interview in progress.  

[bill-xxx]

Tries again! Bar pianist interview in progress.

     

[fallen-archie]

Rumour has it Dr Teeth is a fine musician worthy of at least a trial, then there's Dirty Harriet who is well known for her arias, she has the voice of an angel.

[bill-xxx]

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@fallen-archie wrote:
Rumour has it Dr Teeth is a fine musician worthy of at least a trial, then there's Dirty Harriet who is well known for her arias, she has the voice of an angel.

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I'm not familar with Dr Teeth but am VERY familiar with Dirty Harry! She has a loathing for pianists and shot every one we've ever had. At one time we had more bodies here than drinks!  

[al**bear]

Is it ok if I pianist in the corner, the loos blocked

[tommy.irene]

Two Irishmen were strolling down Oxford Street in London. Paddy turns to Murphy with a look of amazement on his face and says: "Murphy, will you look at that shop over there. I thought that London was supposed to be expensive but that shop is as cheap as chips!" Murphy says: "Paddy you're right so you are. Suits £10.00, Shirts £4.00, Trousers £5.00, I think that we should buy the lot and take them back to Ireland. We would make a tidy profit selling them in Dublin, so we would." Paddy says in agreement: "Murphy that is as good an idea as you'll ever have, but I'm pretty sure that you have to pay taxes and duty on things like that. The shopkeeper will never let us have them if he thinks we're gonna export them and make our fortune, so he won't." Murphy thinks and says: "Paddy, I've got an idea! You can do the best English accent out of the pair of us. You go in there and do the talking and I'll just stand behind you and say nothing. He'll never guess we're Irish. No he won't." "OK Murphy", agrees Paddy, "I'll do the talking, you just stand there and look English." So the two go into the shop, where Paddy is greeted politely by the owner. Paddy then proceeds to do his best Warren Mitchell impression; "Alwight Guvnor, I'll 'ave 20 of yer 'Whistle un Flutes', 20 'Dickie Dirts' and 20 pairs of strides. And if yer don't mind, I'll be paying with the 380 'Pictures of the Queen' in my 'Sky Rocket'." Upon hearing this request from Paddy, the owner smiles and says to Paddy, "You're Irish aren't you?" Quite bemused, Paddy replies, "Oh be Jesus. Mary mother of Christ, if that ain't me best English accent? How in God's name did you know that we were Irish?" The owner replied, "Because this is a Dry Cleaners!!..

[margaret*e]

Morning, bit early to start drinking and can't imagine why, but don't fancy eating here, so I'll just pop in and say hello.

[bill-xxx]

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@marg*e wrote:

Morning, bit early to start drinking and can't imagine why, but don't fancy eating here, so I'll just pop in and say hello.

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Morning. Might have to demolish this place and start from scratch! Even the rats have left!  

[bill-xxx]

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@al**bear wrote:

Is it ok if I pianist in the corner, the loos blocked

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Why not? Everyone else did!

[astrologica]

Same old sawdust on the floor.....but where's the spittoon?

[Anonymous]

Might have to demolish this place and start from scratch!

I'm happy to help.

[bill-xxx]

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@Anonymous wrote:

Might have to demolish this place and start from scratch!

I'm happy to help.

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You always were, Harry! 

And it's such a shame the rats have scarpered because they were going to be your first course! 

                 

[Anonymous]

Hmmm, swell.....and there was me looking forward to those mighty fine snacks of yours. (insert sarcastic smiley)

I suggest you start with fixing the stable, you know my donkey likes his luxuries. (insert smiley with gun to your head)

[electric*mayhem*band]

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@bill-xxx wrote:

Tries again! Bar pianist interview in progress.

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To the Proprietor:

It's not a pianist you want in here mate, it's the 'Phantom of the Bleedin' Opera'.

♫ Ta, Da, Da, Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ♫ 

[fallen-archie]

There's a guy in the corner pressure washing his kilt, people of a nervous disposition should turn away now! Oh and no flash photography please.

[**caution**opinion_ahead]

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@Anonymous wrote:

Hmmm, swell.....and there was me looking forward to those mighty fine snacks of yours. (insert sarcastic smiley)

I suggest you start with fixing the stable, you know my donkey likes his luxuries. (insert smiley with gun to your head)

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*moves seasonal hanging baskets to first floor window height*

[tommy.irene]

MISSING SCENE FROM FIFTY SHADES OF GREY .............Back and forth . . . Back and forth . . . In and out . . . In and out . . . A little to the right . . . A little to the left . . . She could feel the sweat on her forehead. . Between her breasts . . . And, trickling down the small of her back . . She was getting near to the end. . . He was in ecstasy . . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved . . . Forward then backward. . . Forward then backward . . . Again . . . and, again . . . Her heart was pounding now . . . Her face was flushed . . . She moaned . . . softly at first, then began to groan louder . Finally . . . totally exhausted . . . she let out a piercing scream . . . And then she shouted: "OK, OK, you smug pig, I can't park the car. YOU do it!"

[electric*mayhem*band]

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@fallen-archie wrote:
There's a guy in the corner pressure washing his kilt, people of a nervous disposition should turn away now! Oh and no flash photography please.

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*sneaks in to snap McB, in an unguarded moment*