@bhgardeners wrote:
Sorry but parents are not responsible for their childrens' behaviour in a lot of cases. Nanny state has long since totally undermined THAT responsibility in fact if not in name. You bring your children up, you set a good example, one gets a little bit uppity, meets the wrong people, threatens you with Police or Childline if you do anything to stop them and ask for help and you can forget it. The state is on their side. Not all parents whose children smoke or get in trouble are feckless and uncaring - just normal people trying their best. At least, parents are responsible but responsibilty without the power to act is not responsibility. If you don't have problems you do not realise how helpless you actually are.
Talking to the Police they said the only thing we could logically do with one of ours to keep her safe and out of trouble was lock her in her bedroom AND that if we did and they found out they would take action against us. Yes, there were reasons for her behaviour, however when we begged for help(repeatedly) we were ignored by everybody. When push came to shove it cost the taxpayer a whole lot more than a bit of help earlier would have. Her main problem - teenager with older sibling with major health issues so was no longer centre of attention(and I mean CENTRE). Somebody else we know has exactly the same problem now with their young teenage daughter - nobody is willing to help, well nobody he can access, same scenario repeated. Either give real responsibility back to parents or provide the help families need when they need it.. Our biggest problem - 2 parent, long term married, working families are not even on the radar as needing help where I live!
Smoking? - yes she tried that as well. No we do not smoke, none of our friends smoke, none of our relatives smoke, cigarettes were never seen in our house. Her "friends" however did smoke and happily provided her with the wherewithal!
Parents are always responsible, go see who is going to be sued if a child causes criminal damage! A parent who does not accept total responsibility has surrendered their duty as a parent and passed it off! Do parents want the responsibility or do they wish to hand it over to the state?
A Mother or Father who does not accept all responsibility is not a parent! A parent takes responsibility otherwise they are just the sperm donor and carrier!
Nanny state does undermine responsibility but too many are quite happy to hand it over and wash their hands, no parent worth their salt would do so! If a child gets uppity, meets the wrong people and threatens their parents with the Police then the parents have not set them a good enough example and have failed as a parent! Parents whose kids smoke and get into trouble may not be uncaring but they have shown that their best was not good enough! If their best isn't good enough that makes them incompetent!
If it was a job of work incopetence would not be tollerated so why are so many so ready to tollerate it when it comes to parenting?!
Parents do have the power to act they just fail to use it properly!
If a child is in a situation where Police are involved and locking them in their bedroom is the only course of action that seems applicable then something went wrong long before that time. What went on before for such a state of affairs to ever come about?! Begging for help when all hell breaks loose is too late, prevention is better than cure and it should never get close to such a situation.
"No longer centre of attention", why were they centre of attention in the first place? And you even emphasised CENTRE!!!
The problem was not that they were no longer the centre of attention it is that they were ever the centre of attention to start with. Prevention rather than cure, the problem was created and then the stable door needs closing after the horse has come to the attention of the Police!
Somebody else you know has the same problems, no surprise; "Birds of a Feather Flock Together"!
If my girls end up smoking or even hanging around with kids who do then I will have failed, it will be my fault for not guiding them effectively enough. If all parents took such responsibility upon themselves and accepted that it is always their fault we could perhaps create a better society. It is the lack of parent willingness to accept such responsibility that leads to the state having to intervene leading to the mess and conflict described above.
I would suggest you stop looking for help and take control; you are the parent, the ultimate in guidance, duty and responsibility. It may be too late because the horse has already bolted but you could at least give it a try and accept your own role in it all, it could be cathartic.
