Book titles - any more ideas?

[onemorewonthurt]

Elf hypnosis by Si Cologist

[lindum-49]

Growing Up In The Ultra Violet Spotlight By Irma Cumming

Monica Lewinsky has turned 50!
Can you believe it?  It seems like only yesterday, she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees and putting everything in her mouth.        

They grow up so fast, don't they?

[lindum-49]

Back To Basics By A B Cee

[lindum-49]

Deer Hunter In Training By Sven Isonn

[lindum-49]

I, Sniper By Juan Gud-Shott

[lindum-49]

Dead Zero By G Othim

[lindum-49]

The Game Hunters Rifle Information By Will Derbeast

[lindum-49]

The Ivory Poachers Campfire Song Book By Ellie Fant & Ryan O'Horn

[lindum-49]

Night Of Thunder By B Ottieburps

[lindum-49]

Preaching To The Converted By Lett Uspray

[lindum-49]

Somewhere, Over The…………….. By Phil Itinforme

[lindum-49]

Email Has Ruined The Art Of Conversation & Letter Writing By Dee Lete & Mel Boxfull

[lindum-49]

Friday Countdown By Al Mosthere

From Thomas Cook Holidays - listing some guests' complaints during the season.


1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

2.  "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be  banned

3. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry.  I don't like spicy food at all."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

5. A tourist at a top African game lodge over looking a water hole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".

[lindum-49]

Continuing The Countdown By Fife Fourthree

6. A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

7. "The beach was too sandy."

8. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

9. A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

10. "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

11. "We bought' Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

12. "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

[lindum-49]

And You Think We Are Joking? By Watt A Larf 

14. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish..."

15. "The roads were uneven.."

16. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

17. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

18. "The brochure stated:  'No hairdressers at the accommodation’. We’re trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying there?"

19.  "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners now  live abroad'"

20. "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

21. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

22. "I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

23. "My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked." 

 
They walk amongst us and they vote!!!
Be afraid! Be very afraid!

[lindum-49]

Do Something Special Today, Hack Someone By Y Knott 

[mumawaa]

Tell me all your secrets,  D I  Screet

[vanjim50]

Your Lunch,Mr Ford by Henrietta Porkpie

Richard.My feedback has completely disappeared from my "my e bay " page and there doesn't appear to be any way to get it back.Can you check your home page to see if yours is still in view.If it is then i must assume i've cocked up somehow.

[lindum-49]

Log Off, Log On By Tim Burr

......can't loose feedback me old mucker, just the path to it.......mines still OK and I can read yours (now about those satin sheen tights?)......close it all down and log back on again...your set preferences should then take over......if you want to clear out all the old temp files at the same time in case one of them is holding onto something - tools - internet options - delete - temp internet files. All temp files should be deleted to let the electrons live again in a newere format - recycle those electrons! - kick the cookies into touch as well if you feel like it - they will return..........look forward to a newer book title later today...........

[lindum-49]

There Is No Such Thing As A Sill Question By Ian Sensitive 

and what happened next jimbo?

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in
full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was
telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at
this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is
especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make
delivery that much easier. Just take several stops and stay on a soft
surface like grass or a path."

She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in
this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes," answered the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she pulled a golf buggy.
while we walk??"

---- This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.

[lindum-49]

Missing the Y Out Of Silly By Stu Pidd