Roll up, roll up for the FHG Country Fair,
come see Chicken Grandma fly through the air,
her only support is the g string that she gets to wear,
beneath her sequinned leotard, honest I swear,
And OMG it's our Maggie whose joined her up there,
She's walking a wire only half an inch thick,
There'll be some gals down there never seen one that big.
There's Stan on her Apache riding the Circle of Death,
standing up, sitting down and standing on her head,
Well she's Welsh and in winter she has to do something
to pass the days when she's stuck on her mountain.
And wouldn't you know it, Mercles is wrestling a bear,
poor creature, all that'll be left at the end is teeth, nails and hair.
Our Towery too features, spinning her plates
her face a study as she concentrates,
making sure nothing falls, or disaster ensues,
all the time keeping busy trying to finish her book.
CB and Mouse are juggling their balls,
And all's going well until one of them falls,
They both roll over and into they bump
Poor DC on his stilts, proving what's worn under a kilt.
Fred takes the floor, as a short comic turn,
He's doing ok until he starts to choke,
the Heimlich manouevre is performed
and out of his throat, pops a copy of DVLA rules,
especially for blokes.
Twishy is swimming in a tank full of sharks,
they twirl and they dance as her orders she barks,
they've been to the dentist so they can't hurt a thing,
Finally she surfaces and jumps into the ring,
OMG, don't look, she's showing her whole ding a ling.
Down in the corner Gina's cracking her whip,
at a neat circle of lousy husbands who then have to skip,
through a circle of fire and if they survive,
She has to decide whether to keep them alive,
or feed them to the lions in their cage where they lie,
Eyeing up each goodie from shoulder to thigh,
Like a Maccy D walking, but no need to fry.
But up in the air, the girls are stil giving it laldy which,
considering their great age, they're not doing too badly,
But look, who's that?, as Maggie's on her trapeze,
Somebody joins her, hanging onto her knees,
Oh Lord, I knew it, couldn't keep her away,
dressed like something out of Fifty Shades of Grey,
at least, thank goodness, she's wearing her drawers,
her lady garden alone would draw some applause.
Stroppy is sitting in the VIP Box,
She drew the short straw and has to endure
The Town Hall planners spouting their usual manure,
she tries out a wheelie, to brighten things up,
and all goes well, 'til her legs start to jerk,
Then it's all legs akimbo, and up with her skirt
And the sausage rolls and sarnies end up down in the dirt.
Here comes CK and Cookie, Books and Ed dressed as clowns,
they cavort round the circle, throwing pies and laughing and running around,
They do star jumps and somersaults, but they're not on the list,
Just on the Baileys which I think got them a bit Lizst,
Meantime, all eyes go look up in the air,
as the girls go through their practised routine with ease,
The wonder, the danger, will bring you to your knees,
as you PYSL at the eejits up there,
But, heavens, Oh No!!! There's a terrible roar,
as CG and Maggie fall to the floor,
St Johns treat them gently as they lift them away,
but when I visited them in hospital the very next day,
in bandages and plaster casts and sipping through a straw,
They were planning for next year and an even bigger draw.
They're mental I tell you, go on just ask me,
'cos I'm the only really sane one you see.
******************************************************************************
Nobody told me there'd be days like these,
Nobody told me there'd be days like these,
Strange days indeed, strange days indeed,
Most peculiar Mamma.....................................
