No you can't. I cannot understand why a seller should leave feedback just because a buyer paid.
As you have now found when you get the buyer from hell you can't take back that you have said what a wonderful buyer they are.
Wait for buyer to leave feedback, then respond, if you don't like the feedback left then you don't respond. Simples.
If you refunded without the buyer opening a case then you are even more out of pocket as the selling fee would not have been refunded.
