· What does a clock do when it's hungry?  It goes back four seconds.

· I wondered why the cricket ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

· Broken pencils are pointless.

· What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

· England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

· I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

· I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

· All the toilets in York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

· I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

· Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

· Velcro - what a rip off!

· Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

· Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

· I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.