A man is standing on the bathroom scales desperately sucking in his stomach. "That's not going to help," says his Wife. "Yes,it will," replies the man. "It's the only way I can see the numbers! A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Jack Daniels and women with big boobs.