A drunkard walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her lustfully. Sure enough, she quickly jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her!”

“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she screamed.

“That’s funny.” He muttered, “You even sound exactly like her!”