Shouting Is Good For The Soul By Hel Vetica-Bold

I Am Alone By Nat West


........pouring with rain jim.....waiting to join the M25 from J* roundabout and the white van in front of me stalled and ran back into me......0 mph impact.....but his 3' long home made tow bar of Dexion angle iron went through my Astra's front bumper and punctured the aircon system.....hopped out, exchanged names, numbers etc in the pouring rain - no witnesses of course - and he said he was sorry but the load of paving blocks he had just picked up caused his problem on the slope and the rain etc......and that was that. Contacted RAC insurance who put my car right and dealt with the claim. Six months later, white van mans solicitors letter arrived claiming that I had rear ended the van and court action threatened. Letter sent off to the RAC as instructed, heard no more. 4 months later, another solicitors letter arrived claiming loss of earnings for the driver due to my bad driving and again court action threatened. Letter sent off to the RAC yet again, heard no more. Went to renew insurance through RAC 2 months later and what a price shock! Seems on my behalf they paid out for the van being written off in the accident and all medical bills that had been submitted along with loss of earnings.......not once contacting me because I had full comp and fully protected no claims cover.....what a total rip off. Outcome was to change insurers.......and make sure that should I ever be unlucky enough to have an accident I follow it through with legal counsel, which you are paying for of course. Fully understand your annoyance.......insurance is something that is needed but abused when claims are made!...whinge over...

Money Laundering By Zan Nussi

One way Talking
By Lotta Preechin

Getting along
By Ann Oyinn

The Great Book on Fake Surnames
By SUE Donimm

Pushing The Boundaries Of Nudity By Dee Sency



......I spy new authors incoming.......welcome one and all... 

Reasons For Booking A Nudist Holiday by Seymour Brests

How To Cook Owls & Other Nocturnal Creatures That Wake You Up From A Deep Sleep & Continue To Be Annoying When Told To Go Away By Annie Resipees


......Kentucky Fried Owl?.......Steak & Owl Pie?......Surf & Owl?......Hoot & Toot?.......Baked Owlaska?......

No annoying owls - as yet - have been hurt in the making of this book title........but I wish they would both carry on their conversation away from my silver birch trees and let me get to sleep again.......twit towoooooooooo

Preserving Owls By Watt A Racket


.....just popping down to the local farm where these Owls are roosting......my rendering of Nessie Dorma may just get them back for the early wake up call this morning, let's see how they like their sleep disturbed......

Are Crows A Protected Species? By Herr R Ifle

A Good Nights Sleep By Ray Zorwire & Lief N Lighton

How To Win At Battleships By Thor Pedeothem


...c2, f6.......fire!

After Years Of Research, Scientists Have Discovered What Makes Women Happy By N O Thing.

How To Cut The Cost Of Living By Bill Collector


........Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

Weird Dates By Juan Juanjuan

This year we will experience 4 unusual dates:

1/1/11
1/11/11
11/1/11
11/11/11

Now figure this out: Take last two numbers of the year you were born plus the age you will be this year = 111

Spring Is Just Round The Corner, Isn't It? By Hope Fully

Female Linesmen by Howard Thatwork

I have a great deal of sympathy for the linesman controversy surrounding Richard Keys and Andy Gray.
The Only line i'd let a woman near is the washing line in my back garden after she's washed my dirty skidders !

BLONDE'S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP By A Hoythere


DEAR DIARY: DAY 1
All packed for the cruise ship - all my sexiest dresses and make-up...Really excited.

DEAR DIARY: DAY 2
Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today - seems a very nice man.

DEAR DIARY: DAY 3
At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honoured and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.

DEAR DIARY: DAY 4
Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

DEAR DIARY: DAY 5
Pool again today, got sun burnt, and went inside to drink at piano bar for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. He really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me if I did not let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was shocked.

DEAR DIARY: DAY 6
Today I saved 2,600 lives. Twice.

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes By Will Ido


A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP, AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.         

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."           

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.           

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."           

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE." 

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY..           

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS. 

"I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO".