I just can't stop myself!!

[ronnybabes]

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant... "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bar steward!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bar steward!"

The judge stops and says to the person in the back of the courtroom. "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

The man stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that bottomhole,   and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

[ronnybabes]

How to dig a hole in England!

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[ronnybabes]

People often ask me,

“Now that you're retired, do you still have a job?”

I reply,  “Yes I am my wife's sexual adviser."

Somewhat shocked, they say, "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"

"Very simple.  The wife has told me that when she wants my advice, she'll ask me for it."

[ed_blackadder_1]

And rightly so.............................................   

[renomarvinm]

I know I'm going to catch it for this, but please, what is a bar steward?

[ronnybabes]

You having a laugh Reno...       It is a person who works behind a bar selling alcohol usually...

However when you say it quickly it sounds like a person born out of wedlock... get it??

[ronnybabes]

While I'm here, can I point out the obvious.... my second gag has been edited. (not by me)

The offending word which consisted of 3 asterisks (in the hope that it would be acceptable) was placed between "my" , and "advice" on the second from bottom lline.

Unfortunately the removal of this word rendered the gag ineffectual. 

[ronnybabes]

Whoops!

....... to continue Reno, that particular word here in the UK - is also used derogatorily when describing a nasty person.

[saasher2012]

Are you allowed to say Go Forth & Multiply?

[electric*mayhem*band]

Probably not, Saasher. Must keep the forum whiter than white. Big Brother is watching...

Now the Australian ebay Board is a different kettle of fish altogether. The Moderators there have a sense of humour, and there appears to be a dearth of BPers, even given the number of members on there.

And I'm surprised at you, Ron. You've been on here long enough to know that even a series of asterisks can set alarm bells ringing at HQ.

[ronnybabes]

One keeps testing the water to see if common sense and  reason has magically happened Embsy.

[tommy.irene]

---

@ronnybabes wrote:

One keeps testing the water to see if common sense and  reason has magically happened Embsy.

---

Thats the best joke ,, so far

[electric*mayhem*band]

---

@ronnybabes wrote:

One keeps testing the water to see if common sense and  reason has magically happened Embsy.

---

That's tantamount to saying 'logic and ebay' in one breath, Ron. It just doesn't compute. Sadly.

[saasher2012]

Never knock an optimist!