Depression

[**streety**]

I know there are some FHG's here that have and continue to live with depression.  I just wanted to start a thread for us.

Depression for those who can't understand is like having an ache perhaps a headache that wont shift, so you do your best to carry on but it's so hard.  Some days you get through ok, but others the pain is so bad that you just have to call it a day and shut yourself off from the world hoping you can function tomorrow.

Actually, that comparison is naff but it's all I can think of to help normal people understand.

I live with it always.  Today was a bad day and it took my son aged 11 to help out of it by taking me to the beach in the evening.  😞
I do not want my children to feel responsible for my wellbeing

If you battle and want to talk I'm here

[ilove2patch]

Well done Streety on your busy day. Please don't feel guiltly leaving your mum. She wouldn't want to to feel that way.

[cat-knitter]

Streety, you will feel guilty leaving your Mum after a visit, its only natural. We've just got back from visiting my MIL & she always gets upset when we leave & we feel terrible, Hubby always has to sit in the car for a while & often with a few tears before he can drive away, the thing is we know for a fact that by the time we've got outside to the car she has usually forgotten we've even been
Try not to get too upset about it

[rainydaywoman11]

Well done Streety on your day and all you've achieved.  You're doing great. 

I'm sorry I was so brusque last evening, I'm just a bit fed up with my mind and body letting me down all the time, selfish but true.  Anyway a better day for me today, no tears and some serenity around me thanks to some Reiki treatment.  Thank you, you know who you are 

Sending blessings and strength to those who need them, xx.

[*elphaba*]

The pressure of cooking for so many people didn't faze you - well done.  

You know you have to come away from your mum and leave her with those you have chosen to look after her....knowing that they DO look after her.   I don't doubt that your mum loves and misses you as much as she ever did, but her capacity to experience that loss will be deeply affected and I urge you to speak to the home about your feelings because they will be the people to give you peace.  

Your mum would want you to be happy over her, knowing she is safe and looked after.  You cannot be there 24/7, and you'd get in the way of the activities the home has planned for your mum, I bet, if you did. 

I had an irritablility day today, but owned it and tried to keep on top of it.   I don't believe I am any longer depressed, but am just as vulnerable to stress as I ever was.   I don't think that will change until the children are grown....and probably not even then!

[rose2008-2008]

I think doing things like that helps, well done you Streety. And do not feel guilty, your mum loves you im sure of that and your doing your best under tough situations!!!. im feeling a little better now my medication is kicking in , a little less stressed. Have a good day today Streety and everyone. 

[isisthecat09]

Try the Fluoxetine streety, it's one of the better anti depressants as few side effects and less habit forming than most. 

Don't beat yourself up about your mom either,  you're doing the best for both of you. 

Take care xx

[*elphaba*]

Of all those I have used (and there have been many) Fluoxetine (prozac) was the one with least side effects, and it has such a long half life there is no trouble coming off of it.

I'm now off Citalopram which is the newer drug of choice and replaces Fluoxetine for many situations.  It has more chance of side effects because it has a short half life, but as long as you are ready and able to come off its no problem - I've just done it - you must just ramp down gradually rather than stop dead so please dont fear it. 

It helped stop hot flushes and increased bowel responsiveness (as the major amount of serotonin is snythesised in the bowel) so a part of me is sad that I can't justify taking it any more just to make my life easier.   Its a clear indication of how the medication......and the disorder of depression itself....   has such a physiological action

I was reminded earlier about something that came up in my 'talking therapy' sessions:   how depression leaches the feeling of pleasure out of everything until you end up cerebrally participating in the most incredibly joyful event and feeling absolutely nothing.     I'd urge all of you to conciously decide a few things that make you happy, WHETHER YOU CAN currently FEEL IT OR NOT, and do it regularly.   And ditch daily things you can that make your heart sink.   You have enough to deal with if you are struck with depression, don't aid the illness by making life still harder.....

So,   solitude; books; old wood as furniture or otherwise.... and wooden pegs rather than plastic.   Those are my 'happy things'   carefully nurtured and remembered through several blights of depression.

What are your 'happy, needful things?' 

[*elphaba*]

Well that previous post doesn't read at all how I intended it last night.  I've been hovering over ebay all day waiting for them to sort its historic glitch out so I could make it sound a bit less random!

What I meant was, even when you are so far depressed that getting out of bed is almost physically impossible, you must force yourself to look for the small (tiny) thing that does give at least a glimmer of satisfaction if not outright pleasure.  Recognising and nurturing those things may help a lot, but only you can decide what 'small thing' matters enough to you.   Ignore the big things!    The small reliable 'I like that', or something that makes you feel like you have done something, however small is what I mean.

For me it was the satisfaction of hanging the washing out:  it was free drying, smelt lovely, was a job I should be doing and could still perform,  and got me outside even when the sun was high (I have reverse SAD and feel worse in bright sunlight and high heat)    But I realised that my  yellow and green bright plastic pegs, although reliable to hold in high winds, grated on me and diminished the small flash of pleasure I got.  So...... I pensioned them off to be ressurrected only if high winds threaten and now use wooden pegs made by some charity or other that I dangle off the line in a little basket on a hook I made myself from a wire coat hanger.    

I have also found I like to be surrounded by real wood; and although sadly most of our furniture is particle board through necessity I have found that concentrating little real wood objects in my bedroom and living room give me something that pleases me to focus on. 

That was just my experience of dealing with this latest depression - by recognising the tiny thing that was important to me and in my power to control.  The point of my post was to encourage others to find theirs.  

So, find the small things that are important to you and are in your power to control - whatever they may be, but I bet everyone has something - .......and control the heck out of them until they help give you peace xx

[rose2008-2008]

I have been better moodwise a little but had a massive Migraine on Thursday. Went to get advise from pharmasist as to whether i should start taking the two Amitryptyline a night and he said yes as my body has got used to the 10mg now and i probably need 20mg.

I do agree with elphaba its the small things that can give you pleasure. Sometimes if i do too much it can overwhelm me even pleasure wise. Little and slowly is the way i have to go. Im a very minimalistic person, i dont have to spend money to make myself feel better on big things or loads of clothes!!. I brought some nice Incense sticks this morning, not too overpowering, they smell just nice and relaxing now and then. i like candles to relax me too and a nice bath. Simple things.

[**streety**]

How is everyone doing?

The weekend before last I spent on and off taking myself to bed mostly.. It was awful. 
I cant begin to explain, but my poor kids.  I was just numb.

I don't work long hours at all, but I can honestly say that if I didn't have my little job at all I would be lost

[ilove2patch]

Come & talk to us on here Streety. We are good listeners. Depression is a horrible thing.

[**streety**]

Thanks patch..  That was a bad day (or two).   The weekend just gone however was better.  
I dread the weekends.  Everyone is busy doing stuff or being at home with their families.  I find it a lonely time.  Last Sunday we gave up our lonely time to volunteer at the Alzheimers society Memory walk  and  ended up being at the forefront of the event.  It felt brilliant.  People asking me.. Me! for information!  Local radio interviewing my kids.  I didn't feel invisable that day.  🙂

[ilove2patch]

That's great Streety. You will have to look out for similar things for you and the kids to get envolved in. 

[chickengrandma-2008]

I'm sorry but I can't say I understand depression, that's not to say that I don't believe it exsists, and I sympathise with anyone who suffers from it.  If it gave you such a lift when you were helping people streety, why not try to occupy some of your spare time doing just that.  You could volunteer to work in a charity shop or, do you have befriending schemes near you?  My daughter used to volunteer at a drop in centre for adults with learning disabilities.  They do art work or cooking so you don't need any special training to help them bake cup cakes or make veg soup etc. try here (if it works) I think it'll tell you more about it.  www.thebefriendingscheme.org.uk/‎  Hope you feel better soon.xx.

[duck_a_lorange]

Streety, yhm.

[rose2008-2008]

Streety your a lot like me. I have a little morning job as i cannot cope with a lot else at the moment. When we get depression its up and down. good days and bad. Its HORRIBLE. Theres a lot of us who understand on here i think and we can support each other. I understand as sometimes i want to be alone but also get very lonely and its hard. I have hardly any family i am in touch with any more. But i have friends. Your not alone Streety honestly!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Big HUGS ((())) ((())). Bless you.

 

[merc1_clocks]

I've had that horrible black dog nipping my heels again...

[ilove2patch]

Merc I wish we could help but we can be here to listen.

[merc1_clocks]

Thank You...

[**streety**]

Thanks CG.  I volunteer for the Alzheimer's society and visit and help at my Mums care home when I can, but I now work every day (yes I have finally got a job with more hours) I don't have a lot of time.

CG, getting out and keeping busy does help but on the bad days It's like telling someone who has broken their leg to just stop hobbling on crutches and walk normally!