Depression

[**streety**]

I know there are some FHG's here that have and continue to live with depression.  I just wanted to start a thread for us.

Depression for those who can't understand is like having an ache perhaps a headache that wont shift, so you do your best to carry on but it's so hard.  Some days you get through ok, but others the pain is so bad that you just have to call it a day and shut yourself off from the world hoping you can function tomorrow.

Actually, that comparison is naff but it's all I can think of to help normal people understand.

I live with it always.  Today was a bad day and it took my son aged 11 to help out of it by taking me to the beach in the evening.  😞
I do not want my children to feel responsible for my wellbeing

If you battle and want to talk I'm here

[*elphaba*]

Wow.  I was just passing through as I'm up late because my sleeping patterns are messed up while coming of anti depressants - my fault, not the drugs!

Streety, if I could take that black veil off you that makes everything feel so heartbreaking and threatening and hopeless I would in a heatbeat xx

Depression is not 'feeling down' or 'a bit sad'.  It sucks all the colour and lfe out of you and your surroundings and leaves you in a living nightmare that impacts on everything, and no amount of 'cheer up, it could be worse'  or 'what have you got to be depressed about'  or 'just try and think happy thoughts' by well meaning people can do anything but make sufferers feel worse.   Its not something that is within the control of the person, any more than a broken leg or -say- gallstones is.

To give you something to grab onto, Streety - however little - I will say that I was first treated for depression around 10 year old, and roughly every 10 years since.  Diet and lifestyle have helped me extend the window of wellness, but I gratefully resorted to antidepressants when that no longer helped.  A years treatment has given me a crutch to allow me to make some changes to my life that bolster wellness.  I have a little job that I love, have made new friends through it, and have become comfortable with driving again because of it (driving became a big problem - a responsibility thing, I believe)  

If you are not already under treatment PLEASE go to the doc.They should refer you to their mental health nurse for some counselling as well, and do fight to get some CBT for home use.  It does work if you let it.    Do not try to go it alone - there is no need as help is out there and it can help.  There is much you can do to help yourself but there comes a time when a bit of outside help is warranted and effective.  Drug help is nothing to be frightened of.  I am coming off of Citlopram after a year on 30mg with little more than disturbed sleep patterns and that is only because I'm doing it a tad faster than I should (never had patience with myself so gone from 20 to 5mg in a week which is not to be recommended:)   

From what I know of your circumstances you have had enormous stress for a good long while, and ongoing domestic dramas that would sap anyones resilience.   I wish I was near enough to help you in a practical way but as I'm not I'll settle for well wishing you.  

Depression is the very bugger.....but it can be overcome or at least cowed.      Accept help, and be kind to yourself.  And know that you are sadly not alone.......but that there are many people ready to grab hold of your hand and hold on tight to help you xx

[merc1_clocks]

I know the above isn't cheery, but it says perfectly how I feel most of the time.

The drugs & counselling do help, but remember everyone is different, & in my case, my own personal life is so hard, & no support or understanding whatsoever from OH.

I hope you get the help you need streety...you sound such a caring mother & person x

[rose2008-2008]

I can fully be supportive to this thread having suffered on and off in varying degrees all my life with depression and other issues connected to this. Having now got it rising its ugly head again now im going through Menopause i started some anti depressants last night to see if i feel any better. Life is hard enough or maybe its because of this sometimes depression happens. Its black, soul destroying and when your alone even worse.

We are not alone ,we can support each other. ((())) HUGS TO EVERYONE. 

[cookiecookuk]

streety you have my full understanding on this as i too have suffered depression and i think your discription was quite good but there are so many people who do not understand what its like .i am having the same problem and the minute with my ME no one can see any symptoms but it is there hidden underneath the same as depresasion.but i also see alot of people use depression as an excuse to skive of work but you just know that they are lying.they annoy me.and people who say just pull your self together .i say leave me alone..

lets hope this thread gets lots of views and post to spread the word and hopefully more understanding

love and hugs to anyone suffering depression at the moment,((((((((((()))))))))))))))0

[ed_blackadder_1]

I thankfully have never suffered with depression, but have a relative who has, I have seen her well and unwell and have always been there for her when she needs me, and stepped back when she wants to be on her own, I think all sufferers need people to be there in the background that can listen and if needs be just a hug which she says sometimes goes a long way.

Streety I hope you read these posts later and see the love and understanding there is in people, either sufferers or non sufferers, you are not alone babe,

Big hugs

[captainbovine]

I too suffer from time to time, I am on Citolapram and tried to come off it but found I couldn't cope. I take it now every day and feel better for it.

I have a friend who just couldn't grasp how I was feeling, I was so down and she just shrugged and said I needed something to take my mind off it, like ...cleaning?????? she said she had it and made herself clean out the cupboards in the kitchen and she then felt better, oh yeah, you didnt' have depression lady!!

The worst bout I have is when they up my thyroid meds believe it or not, that really affects me, I feel really bad and have to increase my dose very slowly. I am now on 100mmg a day and it's taken me 5wks to get to this dose from 75mmg. I couldnt' believe the state it put me in the last time it needed uping.

I hope that knowing I am thinking about you all makes a wee difference to how you feel, and I'm always on here if you need a chat. xxx

[ed_blackadder_1]

I think some people have absolutely no idea what its like, and I only know from my sister in law from being outside, I don't really know as I haven't suffered myself, but things like pull yourself together and do something don't really help when you are in a dark place.

[the-ginger-ninja]

Another sufferer, since 2002 I have been on Citalopram (messed up sleep patterns ) Fluoxetine ( caused muscle spasms and cramps ), Mitazapine ( caused suicidal thoughts ) and  Sertaline ( back to the muscle spasms ).

Not taking anything at the moment and doing ok, Streety you may not want your child to be responsible for your wellbeing but kids will know when a parent isn't doing so well. My 2 are a little younger but always know when I am starting to spiral down. If you are concerned about your son contact your local branch of Young Carers.

My 2 have started going to a session every 2 weeks but they also do short residential trips and days out. Being with other kids who share experiences helps them. My oldest didn't realise that one of the boys in her class is also a young carer. 

As much as I dislike the fact my girls have to take more responsibility than their friends I am really proud of them for doing so. Even though they are hard work and the eldest has her own issues which make her behaviour challenging at times when the black dog is nipping at my heels they know. 

[bitsnknots]

I can honestly say that I have never suffered from depression but from reading the posts on this thread, I can sympathise.  If someone has a broken bone that will heal in time but with depression, I should imagine that it's there in the background.

Loads of hugs to people that suffer from depression.

[cookiecookuk]

I also think that people who suffer with depression are a bit like a recovering alcoholics you may not drink any more but will always be an alcoholic so with depression you are never cured you just put it on the back boiler but it is always there and anything can bring it back again

you will pull through this episode streety and if you ever need to talk or shout remember we are all here for you.

[rose2008-2008]

Streety we are here for you for the good days and bad ones ((())):womansad:

[petitecalicocat]

Depression is an illness like any other , more people should be aware of it .

Im on citalapram too for anxiety & panic attacks  ive also had counseling which helped a bit too.    My problems are deep rooted to very traumatic events a long time ago .   Plus coping every day with severe lung disease dosnt help .

Im sure i speak for many on here when i say we are here for you streety 

[mygreyangel]

Depression & anxiety, like being on a seesaw.... when the depression was at it's worse everything was deadened, as it started to lift the anxiety hit.

For me it was brought on by trying to cope with too much for too long.  

It's been a long long road, but I've got it pretty much at bay at the moment, even so certain things can still stir up those feelings again, scares the hell out of me.

I think it's like once you crack a piece of china, doesn't matter how carefully it's repaired, the damage is still there.

[isisthecat09]

Taking the colour out of life hits the nail on the head for me. It's like seeing the world as a black and white film.

Talking is wonderful therapy and this thread should be a big help. 

Remember Samaritans too, a wonderful service that listens and let's you talk.

[**streety**]

Hi all and thanks for all the lovely imput.   I want this thread to continue so if any of us are having a particularly bad moment we can come here and talk about it, because we understand  🙂
I had some correspondence from a psychiatrist  as I was referred by doc, but I stupidly failed to act on it.
They took so long to contact me that by the time they phoned I had moved and had a different number.  They wrote to explain they had been trying to get me and could I phone them, but I wasn't brave enough and so they wrote again to assume I no longer needed the appointment and i still couldn't bring myself to act on it.   I could kick myself, but as normal things during the day can be a challenge sometimes,  I'm not that suprised

I had to go for a smear recently and the nurse mentioned that an appointment with my doc about my depression was overdue so i should make one.  Have I?   No.. I know I must.
I'm not a stranger to them and have been on so many different drugs.  The most recent ones some of which have you guys have mentioned have not suited me at all.   I might ask to try Fluoxentine again as I don't recall having problems with that one but who knows.

Hope those who battle had a good day today

[rainydaywoman11]

It is Hellish.  I can't do much for you Streety, except give you a big hug before I go off to bed, you are not alone darlin'   Night Night Rainy xx.

[stmichaelrules]

 What heartbreaking stories of such lovely people  (((xx)))

Thank you Streety for starting this thread and the honesty and compassion of people suffering this terrible illness is even more inspiring as you all do so much for others.

Elph's description of the black veil makes sense and I too wish that I could gently lift it off all those suffering [and stuff it in a bin so you'd never have it hanging over you again].

I hope this thread brings rays of hope and love to you all and I send you all my blessings for wellness on your unbelievably difficult journeys.

       

[rose2008-2008]

HUGS TO EVERYONE TODAY, HOPE EVERYONE IS OK AND MAYBE HAVING A BETTER DAY??. love ((())) 

[**streety**]

A big day for me today.   I cooked for 8 people, two of which were my lovely aunt and uncle who I don't see enough of but have been hugely supportive since my dad died and Mum got so ill.    I've never cooked formally for anyone.  It was a welcome distraction.
Then I took them along with my brother to visit Mum in her wonderful carehome.   The only bad part is leaving mum to go home as i always feel guilty.  A good day on the whole though.
Hope today has been ok for you all too.  If it hasn't, tell us xx