topic Re: Job application to B & Q in The Round Table

Job application to B & Q

geographically*challenged — Fri, 17 May 2013 17:23:02 GMT

B & Q JOB APPLICATION

This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells

They hired him because he was so funny....& Honest..

NAME:

Kenneth Way (Grumpy Person)

SEX:

Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION:

Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available.

If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

DESIRED SALARY:

£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package.

If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:

Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:

Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:

A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:

My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION:

It was a carp job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:

Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:

1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:

Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:

If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:

Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:

I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:

I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:

On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:

Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big

things and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?:

7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:

Oh Yes, absolutely.

Re: Job application to B & Q

stan3502 — Fri, 17 May 2013 17:26:32 GMT

:^O Brilliant

Re: Job application to B & Q

tommy.irene — Fri, 17 May 2013 18:07:58 GMT

Great one Tim.

Re: Job application to B & Q

captainbovine — Fri, 17 May 2013 18:25:51 GMT

:^O

Re: Job application to B & Q

al**bear — Sat, 18 May 2013 08:43:45 GMT

Nearest relative = 7 miles :^O

Re: Job application to B & Q

flower-buds — Sat, 18 May 2013 14:20:04 GMT

Now thats what I call entertainment!!

Very funny and cheers for posting, where did you get it from?

Re: Job application to B & Q

babyface21-uk — Sat, 18 May 2013 18:27:56 GMT

:^O:^O:^O:^O - Love it!!

Re: Job application to B & Q

cee-dee — Sat, 18 May 2013 19:29:07 GMT

I suppose I'll get slated for this but......... it's a hoax.

It started life as a McDonalds job application and has been doing the rounds since 1997.

Re: Job application to B & Q

joe_bloggs* — Sat, 18 May 2013 21:04:57 GMT

I was in B & Q last week and an old fella in an orange boiler suit said "Do you want decking?"

luckily for him i,m not violent and reported him straight to the management......

Re: Job application to B & Q

tommy.irene — Sun, 19 May 2013 14:59:02 GMT

Now thats what I call entertainment!!

Very funny and cheers for posting, where did you get it from?

It came from her http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/mcdonald.asp

Here it is posted three years ago

http://www.renaultforums.co.uk/showthread.php?t=77816

5 Years Ago

http://www.dadsfme.co.uk/index.php?topic=1699.0