Wise beyond his years

ronnybabes — Thu, 21 Aug 2014 12:23:48 GMT

I was with my wife at her friend Margaret's house, when Margaret's nine-year-old son Jake was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School that day.

'Well, Mum, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt . When he got to the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.'

'Now, Jakey, is that really what your Sunday school teacher taught you?' Margaret asked.

'Well, no, Mum.. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!'

Re: Wise beyond his years

saasher2012 — Thu, 21 Aug 2014 12:36:59 GMT

lol.

Re: Wise beyond his years

Anonymous — Thu, 21 Aug 2014 12:45:04 GMT

Re: Wise beyond his years

bankhaunter — Thu, 21 Aug 2014 13:51:01 GMT

Looking forward to his retelling of the story of Noah's Ark.

Re: Wise beyond his years

ronnybabes — Thu, 21 Aug 2014 15:26:50 GMT

Noah's Ark in Today's Society...

The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole Earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the Earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.

Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.

"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud formed and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.

"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.

Then I got into a fight with the fire department over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.

Then my neighbour objected, claiming I was violating his view by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the town planners.

I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the Forestry Commision that I needed the wood to save the owls.

However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.

The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labour Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.

Just when I got the suit dismissed, the Environment Agency notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.

Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.

Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!

The Inland Revenue has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.

I just got a notice from the HM Inspector of Taxes that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft.'

Finally the Local Council got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.

I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the Earth, Lord?"

"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has!"

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